Diff feelings with 2nd m/c
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Support
Forum Name: Life After Miscarriage
Forum Description: Up to one in five pregnancies ends in miscarriage, yet for many the loss of a pregnancy is isolating and lonely. Share your thoughts and feelings here with others who have experienced loss.
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=11654
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Topic: Diff feelings with 2nd m/c
Posted By: minik8e
Subject: Diff feelings with 2nd m/c
Date Posted: 19 October 2007 at 6:40pm
| As some of you know, I had my first m/c in June. I recently had my second m/c, and wondered, has anyone else felt worse after their second?? I mean, in the sense that after the first one I just accepted that ok, these things happen. I didn't dwell on it, just accepted it and moved on. The second m/c, has completely gutted me. It was an entirely unplanned pg, but I wanted it so so much, and I feel so darned upset that it happened again. To the extent that when I hear about pg women, I want to cry. This in turn makes me feel guilty that I didn't feel so bad about the first m/c!! I just don't know which way to turn. |
Replies:
Posted By: kezplanet
Date Posted: 19 October 2007 at 7:26pm
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Sorry your not feeling the best minik8e, I'm not too sure how you are feeling. Yes I have had more than 1 m/c but to date not two in a row & so far I have been what sounds like more like you were with the 1st one, got on with the job so-to-speak. May be with it not being planned it has taken you more by suprise and havn't had the time to prepare yourself or maybe there are more hormones rushing around your body. It's a lot to go thru in a short time but there are others on here that have been in similar situations, maybe they will have more of an answer for you.
Hope you are feeling more yourself soon and things go better next time round  ------------- Kerryn, Mum to Ashlyn(29/3/04), Anastasia(1/11/05) & Abigail (24/02/09) |
Posted By: meow
Date Posted: 19 October 2007 at 7:31pm
I'm sorry about your m/c  I've had 2 in a row and it's made me worried about TTC in the future.. I don't want to have to go through another one..------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: MILF
Date Posted: 19 October 2007 at 7:56pm
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oh minik8e, i just want to offer you some big hugs, i am so sorry that you had to go through this again. you just have to deal with it whatever way feels natural to you - give yourself time to mourn and grieve.
------------- Lyla - mum to Xanthe -  my big 4 year old
and Jordis - 1 year old 
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Posted By: Faraway
Date Posted: 19 October 2007 at 9:39pm
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Kate I'm so sorry to read you've suffered two losses in a row. I can't even begin to imagine what you must be feeling but wanted to send you big hugs. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: AnnC
Date Posted: 19 October 2007 at 10:13pm
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to you ------------- Ann 
Also Mum to Josh (15) and Brooke (10) |
Posted By: Kels
Date Posted: 19 October 2007 at 10:23pm
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------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
Busy mum to Miss 15yrs, Miss 10yrs and Master 4yrs |
Posted By: james
Date Posted: 20 October 2007 at 7:57am
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for you ------------- <a href="http://lilypie.com"><img src="http://b4.lilypie.com/nLJ5p13.png" alt="Lilypie 4th Birthday Ticker" border="0" /></a> |
Posted By: minik8e
Date Posted: 20 October 2007 at 12:56pm
| Thanks ladies. It does make me worry whether this will be a continuing cycle, but I'm trying not to even think about that at the moment. My DP has been amazing, which helps a lot, but we have a friend who is due in December, and it's so hard seeing her. We also know someone else who will be due around the same time as I would have been (June) and I hate to think how I am going to feel when she has bubs. |
Posted By: Peace
Date Posted: 20 October 2007 at 2:03pm
|
I think any loss is soul destroying and the fact that you seemed to shelve your emotions till this "surprise pregnancy" and awful loss, means (IMO) that you really were grieving at the loss of your first baby whether you knew then or not.
Don't start building up a fear of reactions (worrying about your friends pregnancy), embrace the fact that these things are going to hurt and that you are not wallowing but allowing a natural process to continue. Take all the time you need and please be gentle with yourself. I am sure that your angels are watching over you
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Posted By: export
Date Posted: 27 October 2007 at 10:26pm
| he must be a great guy no wounder you left good luck kate |
Posted By: KiwiL
Date Posted: 29 October 2007 at 8:48pm
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Kate, I think our emotions are really tricky to explain. For me, I seem to have coped a lot better with the second one than the first. The first came as an utter shock, but this one I just had a bad feeling about. So I think potentially I didn't allow myself to bond.
It's kind of hard being in limbo though, cos I haven't actually miscarried yet and still feel yuk a lot of the time. I really just want to get on with things, and at times I feel bad because it sounds so detached. I think the best way to describe it this time is that I am really, really disappointed. Last time it was definately grief. My biggest fear is that there is something wrong with me. Because even though I feel a bit removed from it all, I am utterly terrified of going through it again. I think it just shows we deal with things in different ways. I wouldn't feel guilty about your reaction to your first miscarriage. There's no point getting upset about that as well. I'm thinking of you, and I hope your next pregnancy is completely worry free. xoxoxoxoxox |