Adoption in NZ

awww that's so sad yeah maybe give it a day or so... mind you I wouldn't be toooo patient with em

I have very strong opinions on this, and I am sorry if I upset anyone.
I am adopted and it was closed, to me this is the best way to do it. I grew up knowing birth mothers first name and some details eg hobbies etc... same with the birth father. Once I turned 20 I could 'go looking for her' which I did but it wasn't an easy process... if she didn't want to know me then I would have hit a dead end.
We are so close now, she isn't my 'mum' but I see so much of me in her.. but most important I have blood brothers and sisters, something that I didn't have when growing up (don't get me wrong I LOVE my family.. LOVE THEM) but there is something special about blood relatives.

I have no problems having children, for me the issue is with my husband, we found out today that we have been accepted to do IVF, my husband is struggling with the concept of the treatment and the possibility of using donor sperm but I tell you...... a child is a child, and a parent is the one who goes to you in the middle of the night, who puts a bandaid on your knee and who is there through all the happy and sad moment. that to me is what my parents did for me through my whole life.. my birth mother who is so important to me now, isn't my definition of a parent.

I always have said that if I come across someone that needs a surrogate then I would do it, but I would never for someone close to me.. not cos I don't want to help - I would love too, but I think being anonymus (sp?) is the most important, not just for the child (to save confusion) but for the parents, as others have said before I think it is important for the parents.. the pressure of raising a child is huge... I don't think it should be added to with someone watching over...

If you go for adoption - WICKED
If you think about looking for a surrogate - think about someone you don't know.

Just my 2 cents worth....

Thank you Suzbub for not making me feel like I was thinking selfishly, cause what you have said I couldn't agree with more!

Rosieh if we EVER decide to do a surrogate, we would be happy to talk to you - you sound like your head is well screwed on and you come across as a lovely person :) I also agree with you 100% about not knowing the surrogate mother (or in your case, the 'parents to be').

Actually, you both do :)

Edited by MaebeeBaby

Kebakat - Is your friend like me - gets pregnant easily but can't carry? And does she know why? Hope you don't mind me asking, but I am still hoping I will break the cycle I have had and manage to carry ...

Best of luck Suzbub - we seem to be the opposite to you, it's not easy aye hun. Life can be cruel can't it.

Sorry I didn't mean that I would get someone to carry my baby for me, I am lucky that I don't have any problems doing that. I mean that once we have our baby, if there was someone in need I would carry for them.

and yeah life is cruel, but it is all in how we deal with the sh*t that we are dealt. I live by the theory what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. Yeah I wish that my husband was able to give me children naturally but he can't, no amount of complaining will change that. But he gives me other things in our relationship that I have never had in past ones,that treasure more :)

Isn't this a kick in the teeth after everything I have just said.

Found out today to go through IVF wait till Oct and there are no promises that my husbands swimmers are good enough (most likely not) to get a donor sperm from clinic wait list of 18 months - we can do it straight away if we had a donor of our own... but how the hell do you find one of them??? can't really post a bloody add in the paper

Any ideas???

Just wanted to add a quick opinion in

My Aunty my Mums eldest sister couldn't have any children and neither could her husband, my parents conceived a child for them and they adopted him when he was born so he is biologically my parents son and my brother. He has known since he was old enough to understand and in an instance like this I think open adoption could work.

On the other hand my biological father was adopted and had never found his real parents not sure if it was open or not, BUT with not wanting to find his real parents there is always the dilemma I have thought that any children you have you don;t know the family medical history they may inherit etc this is what I am finding now with my Dad being adopted I don;t know his families medical history.

My Adoption is closed and like Suzbub I found this to be better for me personally. I have information about my birth parents and my birth mother has made it clear that she's willing to meet me (she tried twice but it was never the right time for me) so I know I have that option in the future should I choose to go down that path.
My parents never hid the fact from me that I was adopted my mum and dad always talked about it from when I was old enough to talk so I always grew up knowing I was adopted. They always made sure that I knew that my birth mother made a difficult choice so that I would have a good life so I have never felt any resentment towards her what so ever.
I think this was a brilliant way to handle the situation as I do know of a girl I went to school with found out she was adopted when she was older and it caused so many issues and now doesn't have anything to do with her adoptive parents because she feels they decieved her so badly.
Being closed was much easier for my family as I had a lot of health issues as a child. I do know of open adoptions and some end up pretty much like a closed adoption as the birth parents go on to lead different lives where as others take on a role like an Aunty or Uncle.
I guess at the end of the day if it is open like most adoptions these days you just have to set boundaries from the begining so everyone knows how they stand. Very easy to say though maybe not so easy to do.

we looked into adoption before we had DS1. We had been TTC on and off for 4 or so years so thought adoption was a good option. We rang CYPS and got put through to the adoption section, gave our details and got sent a letter to attend an evening introduction night. It was about 6 months after we made contact. they only run them a few times a year ( this was in 2006 so things may have changed).
We fell pregnant before we could attend the intro evening. So can't tell you anymore than that.

but we have friends who have gone through the process..... very long process. After the intro evening there is interviews, references you need to provide, police checks, medical checks, phyc checks the phyc visited their home, social worker interviews e.t.c they basically look into your life to see if you are ok to adopt.

Then if all o.k you make a profile of you/husband/home e.t.c. they give you a critieria to follow. If all o.k you are released into the adoption pool for parents to look at your profile.

Then you wait.

Not many newborns are given up for adoption each year So sad as soooo many people are waiting to adopt. So many babies are killed each year.

Hope that helps. Are you wnating to adopt a newborn or any age ?

What about fostering first.

Good luck