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vinny118372 View Drop Down
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Joined: 06 June 2013
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote vinny118372 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Topic: I really need some advice
    Posted: 06 June 2013 at 5:12am
so I am a father to be... here is my situation in my entirety...
ok so me and the girl im with are both in a program called drug court that helps rehabilitate drug addicts back into society. well there are certain rules in this program that you cannot associate with each other that said this is how this all goes down. we met through work and hit it off, if you could say it almost felt like love at first sight. we made love every night when I would sneak over to her house she would beg me to stay the night and I said we had to be safe in case they showed up. we talked about moving in together and she even asked her son if that would be ok with him. well we got in trouble 2 days before I was supposed to commence the program. they set us both back five months and had to do five days in jail. well after we got out we still have seen each other and planned on having a child of our own together. well low and behold a month later she was pregnant. now before I get on to the ugly stuff this is what im clinging to and why my decision on what to do is so clouded because I really have no idea what is going on and its killing me inside... I love this girl more than I have anyone in my life ever.. she means the world to me.. so with that said this is why this whole situation is such a dilemma for me and I really need some sound advice as what to do or what might be going on... ok so she calls me when she finds out she is pregnant and is hysterical.. she tells me she hates me and that this is all my fault.. well the past three months have been insane for me.. the treatment is getting worse... she is playing mind games with me for what purpose im unsure of or am just in denial of because I cant handle the truth... we used to work at the same place as eachother and I recently got a different job. well all my coworkers love me there and I have over the last several months been receiving disturbing messages from these people of what she is saying about me.. mind you im the most laid back mild mannered sweetheart out there. I spoil her rotten and I want to adopt her son as my own. I treat her very well is the point im getting to. anyways she tells people that she hates me, that she doesn't want me moving in that I can come visit the kid whenever I want but that's it I have to leave afterwards, she tells people we only had sex once and thats all it took, this tells me she is ashamed to be with me. last week stuff got real weird. we atleast talk once a day on the phone mind you we still aren't supposed to have any contact. well she never called and wouldn't answer my phone call. so I waited till the next morning we always talk before I go to school to get my cdl and heavy equipment certificates so I can provide for my new "family" well nothing so I texted her around 10:00 and asked if she was ok. I am now on my way to my job when I see her and another person smoking at her job, I have to drive past this place on my way to work. she hid behind them... so I obviously had a horrible day thinking what the hell did I do? I get home and on my phone there is a text saying this is angie who is this? angie is our tracker which is a cop who spys on us and makes sure we are staying out of trouble... I knew it was a lie since she hid behind the person at work.. so I tried calling several times no answer to call her bluff. then another text this is angie I need to know who this is? well not ten minutes later she calls me saying hey don't call my phone the trackers have my phone. I say ok... well the next day she says she gets her phone back from them and I say ok well we have to talk, I think we need to stop contacting each other for the next three weeks since I will be done with drug court and we can legally be together she says I agree I don't want to risk us being in trouble together, I then tell her that when we can be around each other we also need to have a talk. she says about what? I said you don't have any respect for me. she got defensive and said yes I do, then she took it back and apologized twice, she said with drugcourt her kid who has emotional problems and her ex stalking her all the time she gets so frustrated that when she does talk to me she takes it out on me. of course I felt better and was like cool we are talking things out and it all seemed good. then I thought about it more closely, if thats true then why would she go out and make those comments about me while at work, mind you she doesn't know I know any of this since I haven't brought it up yet but... she also does know.. she is being manipulative by telling these people at work these things she knows they will tell me since they all like me.. she also talks to my friend at work who hates her for what she is doing so he is non biased when he tells me this. she talked to him the other day and he got her to admit shes playing games and what not. she talked about the baby and said I hate him which is "me" but when she said my name she lit up he said so he does believe she loves me. I have to go sign up for dcfs when im done with drug court so I can be around her and her son and she wants me to do that... so what im asking knowing all these facts what is going on? I know shes playing these games... and to me what she is telling me is I really do hate you and want absolutely nothing to do with you whatsoever. but she wants me to do the dcfs thing, she says she loves me, she says she does want to be with me... but im so afraid that shes just using me and she wont be honest with me... I don't know what the hell is going on and its eating me alive inside... physically and emotionally drained.. she was in an abusive relationship for over 10 years.. guy she had the son with and says she hates his guts and wants nothing to do with him. she legally cant since dcfs will take her kid away if they catch them together. but I don't know what she is doing.. do you think she does love me or that im being played like a fiddle? any suggestions are highly appreciated.. this is eating a hole in me and im very upset.
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squirrely View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote squirrely Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 June 2013 at 11:06pm
I wanted to say I'm sorry you're feeling like this. It sounds like you are trying to make positive changes in your life to provide for your new family.

It's really hard to know what the other person is feeling - maybe she is very confused and doesn't know what she wants, and that's making it confusing for you as well.

My only suggestion is to keep doing all these good things in your life, like school and staying out of trouble. These are really the only thing you can influence right now so keep focussed on them and the better it will be for the kids for sure, especially in the long run when you have hopefully sorted out your relationship with each other.

Sorry you're feeling so upset, but try and stay strong for the baby.
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