Telling Family??

Hi Star, I'm just wondering what the general feeling is around your families at the moment. Are they expecting that you guys will be TTC or waiting? Are you usually close on such things?

I am pretty open with my friends and family on most things in my life, so when we started TTC everyone knew about it! Consequently when we hadn't conceived 2.5 years later everyone knew that too! I found it good to have everyone know, because I hate secrets, it's just not me. Everyone was supportive, they pretty much didn't bring it up unless I wanted to talk about it. The hardest thing is if people feel that they need to 'protect' you from things like their own pregnancies. I had to make it clear to everyone that because of our own issues, I didn't want them to keep their own good news from me! Of course it can be hard, but I would rather deal with it than have people keeping secrets from me to protect me. I'm a big girl now afterall! The only thing that I did keep to myself and DH and a couple of close friends, was when I started IVF. I didn't want to have to tell too many people if it had been unsucessful, I thought that would be really hard. Anyway, it turned out to be successful, so at last I had good news to tell!
So in conclusion for me I found it helpful and supportive to have friends and family know - that's what they are there for afterall! And if they are good friends you should be able to be honest with them and ask them to please please not offer advice like - 'just relax'! www.everybody.co.nz has a great infertility forum which is great to share stories with other people who totally know what you are going through, if you have times when you feel that those around you don't understand. Also, once you tell those close to you, you will probably be quite surprised as to how many other people 'come out of the closet' with their own stories of infertility.

Good luck!

Thanks Lulu and Busymum for your great advice and support.

Lulu - I know what you mean about people trying to protect you and not tell their news. That is exactly what I dread will happen. I have checked out www.everbody.co.nz - it looks great.
And congrats to you for your first baby due in August!! Thats so exciting!

Busymum - you had a very valid point. By not saying anything they will come to their own conclusions anyway! Plus I do feel pressured so if they knew it would take the pressure off.

We have a follow up appointment with Fertility Plus next week so will see what they say and then decide when to tell our families. I think I may wait until August when it will be two years.

   

Hi Emile
Thanks for your reply.
I think its a good idea to only tell a few people so less comments and suggestions on how to get pregnant.
I think my family may have clicked anyway but I still dread discussing it with them. I hope I get pregnant soon so I dont have to talk about it with them.

Good luck with IVF - fingers and toes crossed for you!

Star

It's hard to know what to do Star ...fertility issues are so hard all by themselves. I think you just do things when you're ready - if you don't feel like telling people, don't force yourself because you feel as though you have to, or need to ...and if you feel like you just need to talk about it, follow your instincts, because if it helps you, that's the main thing.

The husband and I have been TTC for almost 2 years (23 cycles I think it is), and what we've found after telling people, is that some people are a fabulous support and we couldn't do without them, and others we could quite happily throw through a wall Unfortunately, with the good comes the bad ...but for us, it's been easier over all to tell people where we are at.

Plus, it stops all the wink-wink-nudge-nudging!!

I'll be thinking of you Star. It seems you and I are in very similar positions. Although I had endo, my specialist classes us as having 'unexplained infertility' and has suggested we wait 2 to 3 years before starting IVF. Mind you, having said that, he also said that should be wish, we could undertake it immediately ...but he believes it would be better to wait for things to happen naturally. Or at least, see if they will. If you want - have a look at my blog, about a month ago, I did a post after seeing the specialist.

All the best - I truly do understand

Hi Mellybely
I hope your migraine is getting better.
Thaks for the advice. I think it is a good idea to tell people to stop asking when your PG so you dont get that dreaded question all the time.
Good luck at Fertility Plus. My advice is that if you havent heard from them in about 3 mths, ring them and check that they definately have your details. For some reason, our doctor didnt send them or FP didnt receive them (they blame each other) and after 3 mths I found out that we werent even on a waitlist! So please follow up to make sure so you dont have to wait longer than you have to.