Birthdays
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Support
Forum Name: Stillbirth and Baby Loss
Forum Description: A place to support each other and share thoughts and memories after a stillbirt or the loss of a baby.
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=17304
Printed Date: 25 May 2024 at 3:06am
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 12.05 - http://www.webwizforums.com
Topic: Birthdays
Posted By: Jessica
Subject: Birthdays
Date Posted: 16 May 2008 at 8:52pm
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Hi ladies,
I was just wondering wht you do on the birthdays of your angel babies. We lost our twins almost 2 years ago and we are trying to work out what will will do for their birthday. Last ear we scattered their ashs and just spent the day together. Now we have Lachie and we have decided we want to make it a special day each year but we are still trying to work out what we are actuall going to do. Any suggstions? ------------- 
Our con-joined boys 20 wk |
Replies:
Posted By: fattartsrock
Date Posted: 16 May 2008 at 9:04pm
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Hi there
My BFF had a sleeping angel in 2004. Her and her DH now have an almost 2 year old and a 4 month old. They usually spend the day together, they go out to the memorial wall where there is a plaque, and just spend time remembering her together, I think. What we do for her (her close friends) is we usually take her out for lunch or breakfast or something, give her a card or whatever and talk about anything, sometimes Emjay, sometimes not. Not much help, really, sorry, just wanted to pass on my HUGS. xxx ------------- The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P |
Posted By: Candkids
Date Posted: 18 May 2008 at 11:00pm
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wow jessica must be a hard time of year for you.
a friend of mine had her baby prem at 27weeks in 2001 they decided not to have medical intervention after the birth, the first year they did the same as you and scattered ashes , the second they planted a tree and got a plaque made every year since they have a picnic around the tree with their other 2 children and family  ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  DD 10.5yrs DS 6yrs DS 11mths 5 little angles watching from above |
Posted By: Jessica
Date Posted: 19 May 2008 at 9:06pm
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It isa tough time but we are actually pretty good about, I think and talk about them all of the time and Lahe will always know that he had 2 big brothers. We haveplanted two trees fr them and I think we will do something like pnic together as a family. Thanks for your input ladies -------------
Our con-joined boys 20 wk |
Posted By: FallenAngel
Date Posted: 02 June 2008 at 8:58pm
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hi jessica
i lost my Daughter Chaelo Ava still born at 5 1/2 months pregnant on 22/4/03 she would have been 5 in April This year i still celebrate her birthday and mothers day even though i have no other children every year on 22 april i release a monarch butterfly to remember her its just something that i do as my way of saying i love her. |
Posted By: maudie23
Date Posted: 22 June 2008 at 8:35pm
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Hi Jessica,
I lost my daughter may this year, I have been thinking what I will do come the 7th May next year. We have decided to celebrate her birthday by planting a tree, my family are all in Australia so my Dad purchased a very expensive bottle of whisky and he along with all my family with have a wee moment where they think of Anika & toast her. I don't think I would be strong enough to scatter her ashes, I have her ashes in a Teddy Bear, which at the moment is comfort to me on the bad days just to huge it and know she is inside. Whatever you decide to do on the birthday of your twins will be perfect. All the best Hun. |
Posted By: Jessica
Date Posted: 07 July 2008 at 8:27pm
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Thanks ladies, sorry for your losses, we had anice day together and just thought about them. Lachie will always know that he is not the oldest in our family!
Maudie how are you coping? It must still all be quite raw for you. -------------
Our con-joined boys 20 wk |
Posted By: mareeg
Date Posted: 15 August 2008 at 11:00am
| i dont have children but lost my twin nieces 2 years ago this sunday. I will go out with my partner and do something fun like the zoo that i know the girls would have liked, and i will buy a piece of cake and blow out the candles for them. .. |
Posted By: Jessica
Date Posted: 20 August 2008 at 12:33pm
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Mareeg, I think that sounds like a wonderful thing to do for them. How do their parents cope? -------------
Our con-joined boys 20 wk |
Posted By: MorgansMum
Date Posted: 23 August 2008 at 1:36pm
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Yesterday was the anniversay of a very good friends Stillborn daughters birthday, she would have been 6, a few of us decided to take morning tea and a bottle of wine around to my friends house and toast her DD, I later got a txt from her saying how much she apprecitated the morning.
Happy bithday Shayla ------------- Morgan, Libby http://www.TickerFactory.com/"> 
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Posted By: xoxTonixox
Date Posted: 31 August 2008 at 9:02am
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My baby boy was stillborn 41wks5days on Christmas eve 2006, for "Deegans Day" last year (I dont really like the term birthday or anniversary so changed it to this) I spent the day creating a Memorial Fairy Garden. All my friends, family even work colleagues had bought things for it and I pottered away putting it together, my family and some close friends popped over and helped a bit but essentially it was just me and my boy spending the day together and now I can sit outside and look at it whenever I want... I am currently 7mths preg atm and not sure how I will spend this year but know if ness I can just spend the day outside by the garden. I also have a Pohutukawa Tree which was given to me at my baby shower which is growing for him too.
RIP Baby Deegan & all Baby Angels xox |
Posted By: Jessica
Date Posted: 01 September 2008 at 4:53pm
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Toni, that is such a nice thing to do. I like that idea a lot. We have a beautiful tree that some close friends brought for us just after we lost the boys and I cherish it. We scattered some of the boys ashes around it. It has moved with us and I have lily and tulip bulbs that have also moved with us that I use in a garden for the boys hopefully we won't be moving again anytime soon and I can get something established for them.
How are you going with oyur preg? Are you doing ok, it is happy and scary at the same time, I remeember the feelings when I was preg with lachie, I still have lots of moments what if etc. You name an emotion and I went through it! I hope that you are keeping well. I find the forums a great place. Feel free to PM me anytime -------------
Our con-joined boys 20 wk |
Posted By: Jessica
Date Posted: 01 September 2008 at 4:54pm
Morgansmum, I think a morning tea is a wonderful thing to do, it really means heaps when other people acknowledge our angel babies -------------
Our con-joined boys 20 wk |
Posted By: Roksana
Date Posted: 01 September 2008 at 5:18pm
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It must be my pregnancy Hormones but I am sitting here with tears in my eyes!!
I have nothing to say but just pass on cyber Hugs to you all....
You guys are such brave ladies...  ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: maudie23
Date Posted: 01 September 2008 at 5:30pm
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Hi Ladies,
After we said good-bye to Anika, it was the hardest thing in the world. But you know I wil never ever forget my wee baby girl, the thing that is the hardest for me is Anika was born at 11.40am and then her cousin was born at 5.53pm. She constantly reminds me that we don't have Anika and that she has a healthy boy. I have decided for Anika's EDD we are going to let a pink balloon go, with a message just for her. For her Birthday I am going to have a garden made with all girly colours and just one very special LOVE rose just for our week angel. It makes me so mad when people say I am not a mother. Not only does it upset me but man does it hit a button that should not be pressed. I am currently 6 weeks pregant, lets hope I can hold onto this one, Finger and toes and everything else crossed. All the best ladies, we all have a very special person waiting for us in heaven one day xxxxxxxx |
Posted By: Jessica
Date Posted: 01 September 2008 at 9:15pm
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That must be so hard for you maudie, especially with your neice/nephew. I think gardens are really nice, a place to just chill and think of our special babies.
I can't believe that people say you are not a mother. I hate the question, how many kids do you have. I often say that Lachie has 2 big brothers becuase I like to talke about them but I know that sometimes that makes other people uncomfortable. Lachie will always know that he has 2 big brothers. The SANDS group down here has a Christmas service every year and that i going to be something that we are going to make part of our Christmas ritual and I will buy each of them an ornament for the tree. Good luck with your pregnancy, I know how scary it must be for you. Anytime you need to vent/talk/remember I am just a keyboard away. -------------
Our con-joined boys 20 wk |
Posted By: Roksana
Date Posted: 02 September 2008 at 10:45am
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Hey Maudi good luck with this Pregnancy...I will keep you in my thought and send you Sticky baby vibes. I am sure all will be well and you will have beautiful baby in 34 weeks!
------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: maudie23
Date Posted: 02 September 2008 at 12:57pm
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Thanks Jessica,
Its hard but you know I have to be the bigger person here. She is just a money hungry, 23 year old who acts like she is 17. It hard because she requested to have sam on the same day I had Anika, why could they not wait just one more day. She was 36 weeks pregnant and had to fly to my wedding just in case no one in the family got to see another pregnant lady in the family. this is what I am trying to put up with. Anyway thats my problem Thanks for the warm wishes, I hope everything will be ok this time as well. I can't go through May 08 again, it would be the end of me. I am looking into special roses that have meaning, I think I will just have one rose for her. Wow do you think SANDS so something like that in Auckland? I would be very keen to go to a service for our Babies. I am not the kind of woman who will lie down and take people saying things like I don't have any children etc, forever more Anika will always be my Daughter she will always be the 1st Born Grandchild and nothing not one thing or one person will ever change that. & by god if someone even tries to forget about her they will have me to deal with. I hope everyone is having a lovely Tuesday |
Posted By: Jessica
Date Posted: 14 September 2008 at 2:33pm
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Hey Maudie, how is everything going? I hope that you are doing ok. I am sure most SANDS will do something for rememberance at Christmas.
Have a look here at their contacts http://www.sands.org.nz/national-contacts.html#auckland . Anika will always be yours and the 1st born grandchild, nobody can take that away, even if they are silly and immature! -------------
Our con-joined boys 20 wk |
Posted By: susanry
Date Posted: 17 September 2008 at 1:59pm
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We lost our first son aged 5 months after he was born 8 weeks early with cancer. We spend his birthday (in April) by going to the cemetery and then having a picnic or going out for lunch, basically some quiet family time.
His angel day (9 Sept) is much harder, it was 3 years ago last Tuesday and its still very raw. We still go to the cemetry and play his song (our farewell song to him at his funeral) and I cry a lot. I also always light a candle before I go to bed as it usually burns out right about the time he passed away. |
Posted By: maudie23
Date Posted: 17 September 2008 at 5:15pm
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Oh my goodness Susanry,
I am so sorry. I have been tolfd that it never gets easier, you just get better atr handeling it. I am coming up to my Daughters EDD on the 4th October, I think it won't be to hard but I think her Birthday will be hard. We have her at home with us in a teddy bear. Did you go onto have more children? Again I am so sorry for the loss of your little one. ------------- 
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Posted By: Jessica
Date Posted: 28 September 2008 at 8:59am
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Oh Susanry, that is so sad for yu, I honestly don't know how you would get through it. I like the idea of the candle and the music.
I hope that you are coping, I don't think you can ever actually get over losing a child. Take care -------------
Our con-joined boys 20 wk |
Posted By: KodysMummy
Date Posted: 30 September 2008 at 9:13pm
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Hi,
My partner and I lost our lil boy Kody on the 27st May this year at 6 days old. We've been thinking of seeing if we can get a photo screen printed on balloons and letting them go on his birthday, also sending one to those who can't make it (most of my partners family lives in Auz). We not ready to bury his ashes yet so they sit with all his photos. We're thinking of trying again soon and want to know how you're coped with your subsequent pregnancy(s), (I also had a miscarrage back in June 07) ? Jo |
Posted By: xoxTonixox
Date Posted: 01 October 2008 at 8:37pm
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Hi Jo
I dont post very often at all but see you asked regarding subsequent pregnancies and coping. My lil boy was stillborn Christmas eve 06 and I am currently 34wks pregnant, it has been hard and I personally immediately wanted to get pregnant after loosing him but found waiting a year till after "Deegans day" (I dont like the term bday or anniversary) helped alot for me to grieve and ensure I was prepared. This pregnancy has been made harder by babys dad ending things when I was 16wks but I have alot of support to get me through. I do find the question coming up atm "are u excited?" very hard to answer as although I am I am very guarded by the fact anything can happen but fingers crossed all will be ok... Sorry to ramble but thought u asked so I would be honest. I also am not ready to bury or scatter his ashes so keep them by his photo, candle etc Toni xox |
Posted By: KodysMummy
Date Posted: 01 October 2008 at 9:01pm
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Toni,
Yea I am excited but scared at the same time to try again, only cuz I've been thru 2 diff types of losses. The "are you excited?" question is rather hard, I tried to not get too excited at the beginning of Kody's pregnancy as I didn't want to be let down with another miscarriage, but once I was past that point I thought sweet I'm having a bubba, even thou I had done some reading and knew about other things that could happen, never thought it would happen to me thou. Jo ------------- http://counters.families.com"> 
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Posted By: maudie23
Date Posted: 02 October 2008 at 2:31pm
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Jo & Toni,
My goodness what a year. I am so sorry for both of your losses. I personally know just how hard it is. Jo I gave birth to Anika on the 7th May, I was very much I want to get pregnant straight away. As Anika was my 3rd pregnancy I know only to well how fragile pregnancy is and how easy it is to have your heart broken. I am currenly 10 weeks pregnant, feeling great. Am I excited???? Sure, i am also scared, terrified I am going to give birth to a baby that has already fallen alseep. I am doing this pregnancy very different, I am just taking things day by day, what else can you do? I think you know when you are ready to start trying again, you just know and I strongly believe that. Take some comfort in knowing that we are all here and we have 1st hand experience, if you need to talk cry, type scream then just come online. I wish you all the very best in the future. Toni good luck not long now, do you know what you are having? I will have everything crossed for you. -------------
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Posted By: GGsMum
Date Posted: 11 October 2008 at 9:52pm
| Hi All, just thought I would share my thoughts/feelings with you. I am sorry to learn of your losses. I lost my first born in January this year, she was stillborn at 26 weeks gestation. I am pregnant with our second (also a wee girl) and am 28 weeks now. I am terrified. Sometimes I feel that we didnt wait long enough, then sometimes I think that it wouldnt have made a difference in the time, its always going to hurt. I miss my wee girl so much - today is actually her 9 month angel day. I have no idea what we are going to do for her 1 year Angel Day, I am not one for gardening at all. I just dont know. Anyway - there's my jumbled thoughts. Oh, am I excited? No. I am scared. I also got told by someone the other day that I will find being a mum an awesome experience. I answered with "I have been a mum since January" This person knew about my wee GG, just didnt acknowledge her. Sorry this has rambled on a bit, but I am very tired!! |
Posted By: Jessica
Date Posted: 14 October 2008 at 8:21pm
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Hey GGs Mum, I know exactally how you feel, I was just the same when I was preg with Lachie. And now I do love being a mum but I was mum to my 2 oldest boys first and nothing will every take that away, I usually mention them in conversation. We have told a few people about this preg who did not know use earlier and they ask, is this your second and I always say, non actually this will b my 4th, I lost 2 at 20 weeks and then I had Lachie. It sometimes seems to make people uncomfortable but it is not about them it is about being true to my special boys. I have just found out I am preg again and even after everything went well with Lachie I am still terrified. My midwives have alway been really understanding and have been great with organising eaarly scans etc to set my mind a little more at ease, but I will never be relaxed, I don't think that anyone is and it is even worse if you have experienced loss.
Take care fo yourself -------------
Our con-joined boys 20 wk |
Posted By: Sarahlou
Date Posted: 23 October 2008 at 3:59pm
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Hi guys,
you all seem so strong, which puts me at ease knowing that I will start to get stronger one day too... My husband and I lost our little baby boy Ryan last week on the 15th Oct I was 24 weeks. We had been trying for 4 years and ended up having to do IVF, we were SO excited when the first embryo worked... but we had nothing but heart ache from the 12 weeks scan were I was put at high risk for Downs... that test came back clear and then at our 20weeks scan they picked up that our little man had a very serious heart problem which would require endless surgery and at 15 a heart transplant. So we had to make the hardest decision of our lives..... I miss Ryan so much my heart is aching, he was so perfect when he arrived! a tiny 1lb 1oz he looked so peaceful, I feel so bad that I did what I did but I know it was the kindest thing for Ryan..... Anyway, I dont mean to go on. I just wanted to let you all know that you have given me strenght to get through this knowing it will get easier. ------------- http://counters.families.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: queenbean
Date Posted: 23 October 2008 at 8:01pm
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Sarahlou,
I am so, so sorry to hear about your beautiful boy. We went through a similar situation almost a year ago and know how heartbroken you must be right now. Sending you lots of love and strength, and please feel free to PM me if you ever want to. xxx -------------   
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Posted By: maudie23
Date Posted: 23 October 2008 at 10:38pm
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Sarahlou,
Bless Ryan's little heart, that decision must have been the hardest thing you will ever have to go through in life. We didn't have to make that choice our wee girl was taken from us. How are you going? As a Mum? I am sending you lots of love and strength. It never gets easier you just learn new ways to deal with the loss of Ryan. Keep him close to your heart. I would love to see a photo of him. -------------
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Posted By: Sarahlou
Date Posted: 24 October 2008 at 9:27am
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Maudie23
As a mum Im feeling completely and utterly lost... in the mornings when I get up I just dont know what to do with myself, Ryan was an IVF baby so I havent been working since christmas last year because of the stress of that...... this pregnancy has been my life up until last week it all I eveer thought about! and now I have nothing  only the precious memories of our little man. I must sound really selfish but thats not enough for me, we wanted this little guy more than anything in the world and now he's gone. We defenitly want to have another baby as soon as Im ready, but it really scares me that this may happen again and when will I ever be ready?? My midwife took some photos of Ryan, Im yet to see them myself... that will be really hard for me, but I can't wait to see him again because Im already forgetting what he looks like......------------- http://counters.families.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Jessica
Date Posted: 01 November 2008 at 8:16am
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Sarahlou, hugs it is the hardest decision you will ever make. I have been there as well. Until you are in the situation you really can't even imagine. Give yourself plenty of time, and it takes lots. You will start to feel better but never the same. Ryan will alway be your first born, just like my boys and nothing can take that away. Talk about him as much as you can, I think it really helps with the healing process. Our boys come up in the conversation most days, esp now that I am preg again (and once again terrified!) It is great that your midwife has photos for you. The hospital also has some of our boys which I have not seen but one day I will. I think I will know when the time is right. Take care of yourself and let your emotions out, even if other people feel a bit uncomfortable about it.
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Our con-joined boys 20 wk |
Posted By: megs 08
Date Posted: 10 November 2008 at 5:54pm
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I too lost a baby in Jan of this year. Due to massive amounts of blood clots in my placenta he stopped growing around 19 weeks and was eventually stillborn at 26 weeks. Sarahlou I know exactly how you feel, initially I wondered if life would ever return to "normal", if my friends would stop acting strangely around be becuase they didn't know what to say, and if I would ever be happy again. When my son died I was told that with time things would get better, I could not comprehend how this would possibly be the case. He's the first thing I think of when I wake up and I go to sleep missing him and wishing I'd chosen to hold him. But strangely they have gotten better, I can't say that I go more than a day or two without crying, I still can't bear looking at other people's babies (especially if they are asleep) but I've actually managed to have moments in the last few months where I've been happy.
I am now 35 weeks pregnant, yep 2 babies in one year! This baby (also a boy) is going well, he's healthy and everything is tracking for a "normal" birth. Yes I'm anxious, so much so that I was having scans every week to 10 days until I could feel him moving. I still worry and panic that somthing will happen to this baby but I am trying to stay positive. I won't believe everything is ok until this wee guy is in my arms! I talk about my 1st son as much as I can, and if people ask if it's my 1st (not that they want to hear the answer) I honestly tell them it's not. Talking about your baby is so helpful in so many ways and I thinks it helps in making them live on in the memories of your friends and family. xx |
Posted By: Jessica
Date Posted: 13 November 2008 at 10:45am
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Oh Megs, how sad. Not long for you to go now! I hope that you are feeling good. I love that you tell people that this is your second, that is what I do, and it does sometimes make people uncomfortable but i like to acknowledge all of my boys -------------
Our con-joined boys 20 wk |
Posted By: Candkids
Date Posted: 13 November 2008 at 10:40pm
 big hugs to you all ladies,
my BFF ,s 2nd baby girl was born sleeping and it was awfull the way some of our other friends reacted to it or ignored it and avoided her.. she would have been 7 last month ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> DD 10.5yrs DS 6yrs DS 11mths 5 little angles watching from above |
Posted By: Moo Moo
Date Posted: 01 December 2008 at 4:09pm
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I have only joined up today so not sure how this all works but here goes!
I can totally relate to friends ignoring and avoiding you. We lost our second child July 2007 at 31 weeks (stillborn due to cord accident). I have been totally blown away by peoples reactions to our stillbirth. I think people find it hard to speak to you about loosing your baby so instead they tend to just ignore you or avoid you which for us who have suffered the tragic loss is the worst thing they could possibly do. It seems like everyone elses lives carry on (which they do) but we have this empty void in our lives which consumes us every day. I still struggle hugely with peoples reactions and sometimes totally tactless coments. On the other hand I have had a couple of people that I don't know that well who have gone out of their way to mention my stillborn babies name and ask me how I am doing - that has been really nice and their kindness sticks in my mind. |
Posted By: Jessica
Date Posted: 07 December 2008 at 10:07pm
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NIce to see you Moo Moo, losing a baby at any stage is one of the hardest things ever and I guess if you have not been through it it would be hard to relate but like you said it does not actually take much to acknowledge the baby and your loss and it means so much. What was your babies name? -------------
Our con-joined boys 20 wk |
Posted By: xoxTonixox
Date Posted: 02 January 2009 at 3:21pm
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Hi all
Jus been through xmas with my new lil girl (born 03/11/2008) but also through the 2nd anniversary of Deegans day which is xmas eve. I made his fairy garden last year (also note I am not a gardner in any shape or form but the plants in his garden seem 2 survive, like he is looking after them) this year I decided to have bubbles and balloons for my lil angel above. I spent the day at home and blew bubbles in his garden and basically every where I could all day and at the time he came into this world an angel I lit his candle and then went outside and released 2 balloons... NB The last few weeks of my pregnacy were the hardest but if I was worried at all my midwife was happy 2 answer any concern and the hospital had me a couple of times for monitoring purely to put my mind at ease, the birth itself was really good as I was induced and so closely looked after (even put in the delivery room right outside the nurses station) So to all who have concerns it is hard but worth it in the end. RIP all baby angels and keep on trucking all the mummy n daddys out there xox WOAH sorry loooooon post! |
Posted By: Saffy
Date Posted: 02 January 2009 at 4:18pm
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Hi everyone,
7 years ago today my little boy passed away in the NICU. I guess as you'll all know well, it's an understatement to say that it's a sad day eh? Selfishly I am grateful that it will always fall on a Public Holiday so I don't have to be at work! I found out this week I'm pg so that's exciting and scary! |
Posted By: maudie23
Date Posted: 04 January 2009 at 3:10pm
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Saffy,
what was the name of your little man? Congratulations on the pregnnacy I hope this little one treats you well. I hope you are feeling well. When we have to say goodbuy to a child it is the hardest thing in the world. I hope I & everyone who posts on here never has to experience that feeling ever again. Good luck & keep us posted on your progress. -------------
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Posted By: Saffy
Date Posted: 11 January 2009 at 6:57pm
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Thanks Maudie23 for your kind words
It has taken a lonnnnnnnnnnnng time to emotionally be ready to be here again and so far, so good - early days but like a good girl scout, we're well prepared. Our little man was wee Ben. Thanks again and all the very best for your adventure - 110 days will fly by! ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
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