A month on ponderings
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Support
Forum Name: Stillbirth and Baby Loss
Forum Description: A place to support each other and share thoughts and memories after a stillbirt or the loss of a baby.
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=26312
Printed Date: 09 May 2024 at 8:51pm
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Topic: A month on ponderings
Posted By: kebakat
Subject: A month on ponderings
Date Posted: 04 May 2009 at 3:48pm
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So its been over a month now and I've been pondering some things..
I think I've surprised DH by suddenly going out and getting a couple of frames and putting 2 photos up in our house. I don't think he expected that at all. Poor boy I should have warned him a little first. Oops DH has worse sleeping issues than I have.. to the point he actually went to our GP about it and has low dose antidepressants. Why did I try and be a hero when I was in labour? The docs had already charted a ton of pain relief for me because that labour was meant to be much worse than a normal full term one (which it was far more painful) yet I chugged down gas and only a little fentanyl. I didn't want a bar of an epidural at the time, but then there probably wasn't time with less than 2hrs of labour And I got cranky at a friend who says she can't handle the thought of the pain in labour and so wants an epidural and told her to harden up  - probably not the best thing to say!
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Replies:
Posted By: Chickaboo
Date Posted: 04 May 2009 at 6:50pm
aw honey you will be going thru so much emotions - its natural.  ------------- http://lilypie.com">  
876 |
Posted By: errii
Date Posted: 04 May 2009 at 6:59pm
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It does not sound like you tried to be a hero during labour to me It sounds like you did what you thought was right for you and your baby. Which is totaly normal.
Dont feel to bad about what you said to your friend, if it makes you feel any better after my baby died our freinds had theres all of a week later and started emailing pics like every other day I told her i wasnt interested in seeing any of there pics and to stop. And yay for putting up pics! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
Baby Alistair 7/1/09 |
Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 04 May 2009 at 8:30pm
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Did you put some photos up of Jared??? If so good on you. I have to say Rich looked like he was doing well when I came and saw you last, but then it was the middle of the day so probably a good time??? Nah you had the right to say that, cos I would say it too to any one I knew having a baby. And your present has arrived too, will arrange a time for you to get it. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 05 May 2009 at 7:56am
| Rich looks fine during the day. He doesn't act depressed or anything. It's just his sleep that is affected so he looks like crap at the start and end of the day because he's tired. |
Posted By: T_Rex
Date Posted: 05 May 2009 at 9:29am
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Hugs to you both. This isn't an easy path for you to walk. I'm glad you have each other cos you've always come across as such an awesome, supportive couple.
Would it be worth getting sleeping tablets for Rich? Don't worry about your friend, she'll get over it. And don't beat yourself up over labour if you can help it, you did what felt right at the time and thats all you could ever expect of yourself. ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 05 May 2009 at 11:23am
| We have sleeping pills, but that doesn't solve the underlying cause of his sleep problems so he doesn't want to rely on them because theya re also addictive |
Posted By: Babe
Date Posted: 05 May 2009 at 11:57am
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What about trying the more natural route like stratching before bed, chamomile tea and magnesium? They can all be taken with ADs. I suppose Rich has thought about counselling to deal with the underlying issues?
You only had gas with Daniel ae? Like T_Rex said you made the decision you thought was best at the time with Jared. Is there a reason you're questioning it now? Thats awesome about the photos hun its a positive step in working things through! -------------   
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Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 05 May 2009 at 12:13pm
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Yeah he's tried all the natural stuff he can find. He's had sleep issues for a good year but they have just got worse. I think he's in contact with a social worker from the hospital.. I'm not sure, I didn't want a bar of it so they have been calling him directly I think.
Yeah I only had gas with him and a bit of local for the episiotomy. I don' tknow why I'm questioning it and don't know if I really am questioning it. |
Posted By: Babe
Date Posted: 05 May 2009 at 12:25pm
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Hugs hunny! Lots of emotions and thoughts to sort through and process so its easy to wonder a little about everything as you're stepping through it all.
I hope things sort themselves out for Rich. Are you gonna look into getting some counselling-type help in the future? -------------
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Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 05 May 2009 at 12:44pm
| Not for me, I don't need it.I've taken the depression test a few times and I'm fine and I'd rather sort through it in my own way. But I have a friend who is a psychologist if I loose the plot lol |
Posted By: Babe
Date Posted: 05 May 2009 at 1:30pm
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Good to have a backup plan just incase of course but I'd prefer to deal with something like this in my own way too I think. Hugs hun XOX -------------
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Posted By: errii
Date Posted: 05 May 2009 at 6:09pm
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Sometimes there is just nothing that helps with getting your sleep back it just take time. But it does come back it took months for me to be able to sleep again my dh was able to sleep ok but he always went for a run or walk and found that really helped him. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
Baby Alistair 7/1/09 |
Posted By: kebakat
Date Posted: 05 May 2009 at 6:29pm
| I think half of DH's prob is that he doesn't get enough exercise and fresh air. He has a desk job and is inside once he's home. He used to go cycling at night before Daniel was born. He went for a run the other night to see if it would help which is apparently didn't but he never tries something for very long to see if it works. He hasn't gone out since which is just dumb cause you can't judge if something is going to work from a once off. |
Posted By: errii
Date Posted: 05 May 2009 at 7:54pm
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Yeah he definatly has to give it more of a chance to work. My hubby also played xbox (which drives me nuts) when he wanted to unwind and not think about anything. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
Baby Alistair 7/1/09 |
Posted By: sjm
Date Posted: 06 May 2009 at 1:12pm
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hi there, sleep problems are a pain - everything is so much worse at night. I was told by the hospital counsellor to get up and write things down, doesn't matter if you bin it after you've written it, but just the act of writing down whatever is in your head helps. It has helped me a couple of nights anyway
cheers |