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Termination for medical reasons

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LP pka Rainyday View Drop Down
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    Posted: 04 May 2016 at 7:02am
We've made the tough decision to terminate due to medical reasons. We feel like this is the right decision for our family.
We've agonized over all the options and I felt my world crumble when we both came to the same conclusion.
As I'm writing this I can feel my baby moving and this morning I've been thinking about names.
I want to document this for myself to look back on and for someone who might be going through the same thing.
The uncertainty and anxiety is very overwhelming and i wonder if I will ever have dry eyes again.
The messages of love and support so far have been amazing although at this very point we haven't told our families our decision but they know the options we were considering.
Next step is to contact my MW to see where to from here.
I never thought I would find myself in this position.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Muma21more Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 May 2016 at 7:36am
I don't have any advice, but I am really sorry you are going through this Rainyday, I will pray for you and your family in this difficult time X
mother of Talia 19 months

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babycrazy View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote babycrazy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 May 2016 at 7:54am
LP I'm so sorry, reading your post has brought tears to my eyes because I know very much how you're feeling right now having been in the same position 7 weeks ago. Please PM me if you'd like to talk more or have any questions.
I found feeling movement after making the decision the hardest thing of all and still struggle when I remember what was going through my head every time she moved. Lean on those around you when you need it. My specialist gave me a really good book which I think is written by someone in SANDS called Holding on and Letting go, it very much helped me to read about other people's stories and what they went through, I didn't feel so alone.
Again thinking of you hun xxxx
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LP pka Rainyday View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote LP pka Rainyday Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 May 2016 at 8:51am
Thanks BC I appreciate you posting. I thought of you when we made the decision Xo
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote 2furkids Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 May 2016 at 9:43am
Im so so sorry to read this LP I second the book BC is talking about, I was given it after our specialist apt and thought to myself "why would I need this, we are not in this boat??", but once the sad reality set in of our outcome I found it helped reading others stories about what they went through and realising I wasn't alone
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote antheawren Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 May 2016 at 9:59am
I think you are truly amazing! Your so strong and courageous! You have done the best thing for your Baby despite loosing part of your heart in the process! Your an amazing lady and a truly amazing Mum!


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GEONC View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote GEONC Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 May 2016 at 1:24pm
RD, its a really tough decision to make and although you've never should have to go through this you are. Be reassured that your mw and also the team of midwives and specialist during this will be able to guide you. Ask loads of questions record memories and be kind to yourself amd your dear husband. You will experience every emotion 10 fold - that's expected. Know that we all sending a huge amount of love to you and Mr RD. Xx
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LP pka Rainyday View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote LP pka Rainyday Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 May 2016 at 4:50pm
We may be facing a week of waiting 😞
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote babycrazy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 May 2016 at 5:41pm
Ugh LP that was pretty much how long we waited too. It sucks. Do you go back to Auckland for it all? Wellington has a very private room allocated especially for this kind of situation. It was part of the antenatal wing so away from women and babies and totally self contained so I didn't leave the room the entire time I was there. Also had a midwife just focussed on our needs. Made the whole experience a bit bearable. I hope they offer something like that for you too.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote GEONC Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 May 2016 at 5:44pm
Thats hard but try and keep busy over the coming days! By the time the day comes you should've had enough time to sort how you want to proceed. Keep talking if you feel like it. You only have to worry about yourself and hubby. Know my thoughts are with you- Ive helped others from my job walk through this journey so can understand some of what you are gping through or yet to face xxx
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LP pka Rainyday View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote LP pka Rainyday Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 May 2016 at 7:26pm
Friends of ours got in super quick when they went through the same thing so I was hopeful for the same.
I live in Hamilton but have to go to Auckland for the procedure that will stop baby's heart. Because of how far I am there's a chance baby will be born alive which is a horrendous thought.
They have private rooms in waikato hospital and a specialist MW. My MW has said she will be there for support too which means a lot. I've calmed down a bit I really freaked out when she said it would be a week.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote babycrazy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 May 2016 at 7:34pm
Yeah I had the same procedure LP. I couldn't have handled going through her potentially breathing. I'll be honest though - I found that part of the whole situation the worst. Being induced and having her finally was more a relief that it was almost over and I could start focussing on healing. Before that I felt suspended in time.
There is fully no right or wrong way to feel or be or think though.
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LP pka Rainyday View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote LP pka Rainyday Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 May 2016 at 7:51pm
I'm picking I'll feel the same BC. Was just discussing that with hubby.
Thank you for sharing your experience & feelings. It really helps.

We've talked about names & what we want to do in terms of a funeral. A lot to consider but I think it'll be easier to think about that stuff now to make sure that hubby and I are on the same page

Mum took the news of our decision much better than I thought she would.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote poppy101 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 May 2016 at 8:02pm
I'm so sorry to hear u are going through this. We went through a similar thing last year, but we made the decision to continue the pregnancy and basically hope for the best. Our beautiful girl lived for 3wks. But I remember that day so clearly when we were told things weren't good. My heart breaks for you so much and wish I could fix this for you so you don't have to experience this nightmare and agonising pain.
It's been 6mths since our wee girl left us and I miss her every single day and always will but as time is passing I'm feeling like I'm finally living again. But at first I never thought I'd smile again or be a 'normal' person again. Like BC said, lean on those who give u strength and you will get through this. Take all the time you need to process this, there's no easy way through but you'll get there I promise you x
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Karenka Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 May 2016 at 11:20pm
I'm so so sorry Rainy Day. Huge huge hugs xoxo
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LP pka Rainyday View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote LP pka Rainyday Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 May 2016 at 7:38am
Oh poppy it's so unfair.

I've woken up this Morning feeling like I'm coping. I'm hanging out for the phone call today with the action plan then I think I'll tell better again.
My parents are coming tomorrow so we'll likely plan something nice to do as a family

Planning to leave the house today which feels a bit overwhelming but our son will be at home as he's not really well enough to go to daycare again but very happy in himself. The last couple of days he has lifted the mood when he's come home.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote LateStarterLorna Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 May 2016 at 7:53am
RD, I have no words to express my heartbreak for you and your family, you are in my thoughts and my heart xxx



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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote babycrazy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 May 2016 at 8:03am
Take each day as it comes RD. I certainly found leaving the house very overwhelming so much so that I forced myself back to work the week after I had her because I was getting to the point where I didn't even want to go outside into my own garden. We live in a small community though so my anxiety came from meeting people I knew and having to have a conversation. That was just me though - everyone else thought I was mad. I found it helped me get back to 'normal' instead of sitting around feeling awful.

For us we made decisions as they were needed, we knew beforehand what we wanted in term of burial vs cremation but other than that I just went with the flow of how I felt at the time. DH knew the gender whereas I didn't, and glad I didn't till after she was born as not sure I'd have coped as well, so he knew the name as it was one we'd had for a girl forever. Funny thing was we'd not really discussed last name (we're not married) so ended up just deciding double barrel which is what I never wanted but felt right since we didn't give her a middle name.

I'm glad you've got your son to lift the mood - he will be your light at this difficult time. xx
Take care today x
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LP pka Rainyday View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote LP pka Rainyday Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 May 2016 at 10:09am
Going with the flow in terms of decisions sounds good BC

So we've got our times and dates
1st procdure in Auckland tomorrow from 1pm
Then waikato hospital from 7am on Monday

I can't fathom the mixed feelings of relief and feeling totally petrified.
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babycrazy View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote babycrazy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 May 2016 at 3:23pm
I'm glad you're not having to wait much longer RD. Did they tell you much about the procedure? I couldn't really comprehend much at the original appt as was too upset and actually I didn't really want to think about it until I had to.

The whole thing is almost too much to comprehend isn't it? I still sit and think how the heck did that even happen to me? And I don't even go down the track of why because that's not healthy for my mind as there is no answer.
Have you got some good close friends to provide support, other than family? I am lucky to have these amazing friends who I play netball with and boy I'd be screwed without them. They're so understanding and I can just be honest with them about where I'm at. Am getting better but I do find that I can't handle stress as well as I did so get overwhelmed more quickly, then my go to emotion is to cry (or feel like crying). And when I first went back to work I found I got tired more easily, I guess my brain was working extra hard.
I'll stop blabbing on now. Keep talking if you need it hun. I'll be always reading that's for sure.
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