The tears have arrived

The tears have finally arrived this morning so am just letting it all out now.

Well those of you know me know yesterday I had my 12 week scan and had it confirmed, after a very tough start to my first pregnancy, my gorgeous little baby had died.

If this was a letter it would be very tear stained.

Yesterday I think I must have been holding it in to be strong for DH. He's had to go to work today so am getting it all out of the way now. We did talk last night and both admitted we knew something was wrong but neither wanted to say that to each other as we didn't want to scare each other. He felt it after we left hospital which was at 6 1/2 weeks when I had been admitted for hyperemesis. I first felt it just before that but knew it when my first scan in hospital showed me to be a week behind what I should. Then it was the size of 51/2 weeks when it should have been 61/2. From then on I just hoped I was wrong, hoped that the wee thing would catch up, and put it to the back of my mind.

The last few weeks I guess it started coming back up as the scan got closer and I knew I would have to face it. It gave up the battle when it was the size of 7 weeks, but I know that it was 4 weeks ago, when I was almost 8 weeks along as it was always a week behind schedule. It was just a little slow to get going from the beginning and then eventually gave up the battle of trying to fight for life.

I'm scared to have the D&C. I don't want it. I'm scared that I will feel the loss too much once they take it out.

Life can be cruel sometimes but not much I can do about that. Everything else my body did was right. There was no bleeding, no cramps. There was no reason for anyone to think there was a problem. It just wasn't the right time for me.

I know I will be okay, and I know we will be pregnant again soon. We will start our family one day soon. It's just so sad that it won't be a beautiful November born baby this year as we wanted it so badly.

Thanks Susi, the tears just won't stop today.

Oh bobsta

I don't have any words of wisdom or magic that can make it all better, I'm still trying to figure it all out myself. I am glad that you haven't given up your family deam and give you loads of hugs and sticky vibes for when you feel able to try again. You deserve more.

I was also given no warning until the morning of the 13 wk scan where I had a light bleed, everything had been perfect until then. Such a shock.

Good luck with your D&C, I felt a real wrenching loss to be not pregnant so quickly BUT I am very very glad I opted for the D&C rather than m/c naturally, I think the stress would have been a lot worse. At least it was over quickly.

I am crying for you again I don't want anyone to got hrough this pain

Bobsta - I am so sorry you are going through this, life is just so unfair sometimes... I've only 'known' you for a short while on the Nov thread and know you are such a kind, caring, couragous person. You will get through this and you and DH will get the beautiful family you deserve.

Take care

Let them all out Bobsta A big bear hug from me

oh my lovely bobsta, its so unfair you have to go through this! huge hugs hun. you are such an awesome person and your bubba was so lucky to have you as its mummy even for a short while. you will have your own special guardian angel watching over you now and im sure he/she will take care of you.

im so glad you have a great DH that will support you and be there for you. and we are all here for you too both during the tears and after.

i dont know what else to say, im a bit lost for words right now. and i know nothing we say is going to take away the pain but i hope it will help you to know you have your friends behind you.

sending big warm fuzzy hugs to you!! xxxx

The tears keep coming, I can't stop, I hope this helps.


To my angel baby,
You will never know how much I loved you,
I wish I could have known you for longer and watch you grow up,
You will always be with me and your dad,
I know your heart will beat up in heaven,
May your soul fly free wherever it is,
We will love you forever.

So sorry again Bobsta. Just wanted to say that I too think I felt better after the D&C.

My first mc was natural and I found all the bleeding so hard and it just wouldn't stop. The second one was a missed mc at 12 weeks and I decided to do the D&C asap as I just wanted to start over again.

They are really lovely at Wellington as well and it only took a few hours and I was home by lunchtime. It wasn't painful at all. The only thing was that I had retained product when I went for a follow up scan 2 weeks later and had misoprostal for that and I had to have BT each week for about 6 weeks to get the HCG down to 0.

Let it all out today and it will be nice for you to have DH at home with you.

Will be thinking of you tomorrow

awww my lil Bobby!!!! I had no idea hunny! i just found out through the charting girls!!

I know I cant do anything realistically to help, no one can but all i can say is how SORRY i am, I was sooo over joyed when you got UTD and the fact we were both going to be preggers together.
Your post made me cry so much, im still biting back the tears while I type, even DH has one in his eye as he remembers me talking about you when we were TTCing together!! Life truely isnt fair, your lil angel was too beautiful for this earth and will wait for all eternity to be with you again in heaven darl!!

I know your probably wanting to hide away for a bit but im only a text away, or I can call you if you like (national calling package on my phone)
Ill let you do ALL the talking, take time out and just be with your DH and truely say goodbye and grieve hunny!!

Best of luck hun...

Thank you everyone. I am doing better right now. I can't express how thankful I am to have all your support.

I have an appt with a specialist tomorrow at 11am and they will go through everything. I think they plan to do the D&C on Thursday.

Nic I love the name charlotte, a very beautiful name.