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mummytobesep08 View Drop Down
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    Posted: 08 November 2008 at 9:57pm
Cuz I do!!!! and find it weird that theres not really a topic on it...like for people suffering from it to chat to each other and feel not alone. Im hoping some others are out there and will join me in here so Im not a nigel no friends lol.




Angel babes '07 & '10- <3 <3
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just wanted to say - even tho i dont have PND - you wont be nigel no mates...you'll find a few ladies on here who have either been thru or are going thru it.


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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MonicaMouse Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 November 2008 at 10:18pm
Definately not a nigel-no-mates.

I always knew I was going to be high risk for PND having 2 previous bouts of depression, and I hoped so much that I wasn't going to get it. Unfortunately it raised it's ugly head when Blair was 4 months old, and I finally faced up to it about a month or so later. I rung MMH and after my initial appointment she confirmed that yup it was there, and off to the doc I went for the 'happy drugs'. My wee lad is nearly 13 months old, and I still have my crud days, but they are fewer and far-er between than they were, and I know that I will come thru this. I find it worse when I am running on little sleep, so I make sure that if I'm tired I get extra sleep - even if the dishes, and the vaccuuming..... and the washing have to wait, while I go back to bed when Blair goes down for his morning sleep.

I'm here if you want to chat...


Blair 15/10/2007
Daniel 30/07/2009
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mummytobesep08 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote mummytobesep08 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 November 2008 at 10:33pm
So Im Amelia and I had my baby Charli-Rose on 25th September.

I had a wonderful pregnancy and loved every mintue of it. I was really looking forward to giving birth and the only thing I was worried about was post-partum hemorrhage (PPH) as my mum had it with all her births. I had a strong believe in the ability of my own body and was hoping for a home birth or out at a lil country maternity hospital (Lincoln). However things didn't quite go to plan. My baby and I were so very happy with the arragngement that she didn;t want to come out! At 11 days over I started developing pre-celampsia toxaemia (PET) so I was booked in for an induction the next day. Things went bad pretty much from the start. I had trouble with the internals (TMI: turns out I was a lil...ah...tighter than norm) so even with sucking on the gas they were excruciating. I kept crying "I wanna go home" but they wouldnt let me! So I hd some sedation stuff and the first lot of prosteglandin gel put in. It didnt do much except for a show and a lot of teeny contractions which meant I couldn't have more gel, so I was in for the night. About midnight I started getting contractions- so exciting!!! They hurt like hell but I was happy things were finally happening. They stopped at 5.30am though but hey at least I got two hours sleep after that.

The next morning I had more gel put in and the internal hurt just as much. This time I just had the gas and for some reason it didn't work so I yelled and screamed through the whole thing (my poor MW lol!) I kept having sore contractions but they were only a reaction to the gel- they weren't actually doing anything. So again, another 6 hour wait then another internal. My test results came back my PET was developing alarmingly quickly so MW said I had to have an epidural and get started with the drip. The epidural (which I was really scared of) was to lowe my BP and (which I found out later) because my MW was pretty sure Id be heading to a caesar.

So in the epi went and the waters were popped. There was old mecconium in them so my MW explained that there would be a pediatrician at the birth and they would take the baby away straight away to check if she had any in her mouth and airways. The anaethetist came to check my epi and was very surprised when I yelled "hey!" when he pinched my thigh. It only worked on one side of my body and they wanted to take it out but I was like "nah itll be fine, Im fine..." At 9pm the Syntocin drip was set up and I settled in to labour quietly til the morning.

I only felt half the contractions which I must admit was great. After an hour I started getting hotter and hotter and shaking. The MW also noticed baby's heart rate dipping. At this stage I was thinking oh sh*t I really should have had that epidural fixed! as I knew featal distress might mean a caesar. We were both pleasantly surprised to find that the reason the heart rate was dropping was because I was fully dilated! MW said shed give things an hour and then I should start pushing. I said "hell no its only 11pm you said I wouldn't have to push til morning!!!" And then spent the next hour going "I'm not gonna push...its way too soon!" Needless to say when the time came I was rather excited so did try to push. But I couldn't feel anything due to the epidural so sat there coughing as apparently it worked better when I coughed or laughed! I was developing an infection though so I had an IV line put in with antibiotocs.

After 90mins MW noticed how hot I was (and getting a bit delirious) and realised that the IV line hadn't been working (it had tissued whatever that means). It would take another two hours for the next lo to work and we didn't have that. It was time to get baby out. MW called for a doc to come do a ventouse delivery.

Around here I really started to loose it. I couldn't talk or focus on things. The doc decided high forceps would be better. I remember lifting my head up at one stage and seeing the doc pick up some scissors and move them towards me...and then heard an awful *snip*...and then he put them down. I kept asking DH "why did he have scissors? seriously I saw him with scissors!" (they did an episiotomy to put the forceps in). Once they had the forceps set up we got the head out. Then, with another push, I felt a really funny "flop" type feeling as my babys body slithered out. I was feeling really overwhelmed for some reason and didnt look straight away...I closed my eyes for one second...and when I looked back she had gone and I blacked out.

Turn out that that last push I acutally did a good one and teh doc pulled a bit fast. Plus, as I was a bit...smaller than normal as I said earlier, and baby had a 36cm head, I tore, Bad luck, it went through two blood vessels. DH turned aroudna t this point and said it aws like something out of a SAW movie. I was lying on the bed with my legs up, squirting blood that was quickly filling a bucket underneath me and covering the floor and the staff, staff who were running around and screaming at each other. No-one even stopped to tell DH or me that we had a beautiful healthy girl.

After an hour and a bit of stitching me up the "terrible terrible tear" as the doc called it was fixed as best they could. (for the record- a I really didn't need to be told that a doctor who sees tears every day as his job thinks mine is that terrible!!!) Later a nurse told me that they did a good job and things were almost symmetrical (almost???!!! oh dear )

I lost over 2L of blood, which is a hell of a lot (most people have 5-6 in their whole body!) I was very weak and had machines hooked up to both arms so couldn't hold my baby. All I could do was stroke her hair with my skin when someone thought to plonk her on me hours after she was born. Not exactly the best start.

I stayed at CHCH womens for the next week having a very tought time. I had a blood transfusion which took 14 hours. I had machines and things hooked up to my arms and wasn't allowed out of bed for days. I couldn't even pick up my baby til she was 4 days old and I missed her first bath, first nappies, dressing her the first time, her first cuddles with all my family...it was awful. Also, as a result of the transfusion I had major swelling everywhere including the breasts and nipples so it was too painful for me to put Charli-Rose on the breast. I really really wanted to breast feed though so kept stimulating them to keep up my supply. After 7 nights in hospital I had had enough and after consulting my own MW, discharged myself home. I was still very sick and weak and couldn't stand up for more than a few minutes at a time.

It felt like everything that could go wrong had gone wrong. I was a useless mother who couldn't even change her won babies nappy. To make it worse I never even got a cuddle as every time she woke up to feed my well meaning (and much appreciated) DH and mum would take her and feed her while I hopped on the breast pump for an hour. By the time I was done she was all tucked up in bed again! I was suffering from severe Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and couldn't sleep or relax. I went to the GP and got anti depressants, just to see if it would help and to prevent any PND from happening (as I had a history of depression).

6 weeks on things are better a bit. Talking about the birth and going over it time and time again has really helped with the PTSD although I still get freaked out at nights and think I'm back at the hospital. I did develop PND however and am having a tough time with it especially since DH has gone back to work. I am proud of myself however for not giving up BFing. Due to the really crappy start my supply is a bit funky and Charli-Rose wasn't doing well being fully BFed as I probably won't even have enough milk, so Im partially BFing and taking each feed at a time. BFing was/is really important to me as sometimes I feel like I should ahve never had a baby and being able to BFeed makes me feel like at lest something has gone right and I'm capable of something natural. I don't feel guilty about giving her bottles as well though.

I have found the net amazing for finding people to talk too and loved it when I was pregnant. Its always been a bit hard though, as I feel everyone else is doing so much better than me, like everyone else dotes on their babies all the time and Im the only one who sometimes wishes she would go away. I feel like I cant say that as they would think Im a horrible mum, which is quite possibly true.

So I'm hoping there's some other people out there who are having a tough time and willing to talk about it. I think it really helps to talk and realise that you're not alone.

So yea that's me, sorry it was a really long post but hey there's my story, would love to hear yours




Angel babes '07 & '10- <3 <3
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mummytobesep08 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote mummytobesep08 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 November 2008 at 10:36pm
wow thats a long post!
by the way here's a website I found today that had some ideas I hadn't thought of http://www.mothersmatter.co.nz
Its also got a quiz thinge about PND.




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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote mummy_becks Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 November 2008 at 11:01am

Amelia . I have beeen through it twice. First time I was silly and tried to battle on and got worse. I did fully recover and went on fine. Did get a bit of pre natal depression when pregnant with Josh. Things went belly up with Josh when my DH was diagnosed with PND when Josh was about 4 months old. I was meant to be the strong rock and I just couldn't do it. It took me a good 14 months to recover this time and this time I went to my dr.

I'm sorry I didn't read your post fully - I will once I have a screaming child in bed.

But you are not alone there are a few of us here that have been through it or still battling it.

I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived!
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Big hugs Amelia! You and wee Charli-Rose sure have had quite the journey so far!

Please know that you are definitely not alone! I developed PND after the gremlins were born but refused to acknowlege it until I started having major anxiety issues when they were 8 mths old, and not long after that I found out I was pregnant again. I have been really lucky this time tho that my GP did a referral to MMH while I was still pregnant and so I have had lots more support.

I also have some elements of PTSD associated with things that happened when the gremlins were tiny, they were quite sick and in and out of Starship, so when lil miss was admitted at 5 weeks with pneumonia and 11 weeks with bronchiolitis I found it really hard, it triggered a lot of flashbacks and anxiety.

Well done for keeping up the breastfeeding. That's something I have been really insistent about this time too, and I have managed to get her 4 months exclusively breastfed which I am hugely proud of as I had a lot of feeding difficulties with the gremlins.

When I look back on the time when they were babies I feel like I was almost an observer in my own life, like I was there but not really there if that makes sense? I never bonded with them, I think I was subconsciously afraid that if I loved them I would lose them, and when they screamed all day and night I actually started to resent them and resent the way they were affecting Maya's life instead of feeling sorry for them coz they were sick.

It's still a day by day process for me, the gremlins and I have weekly play therapy sessions with a child psychologist at the Kari Centre to help with bonding and attachment, and I have weekly therapy sessions with my psychologist at MMH.

On the bright side, I've had no trouble bonding with lil miss, she is the most precious wee thing and I am so in love with her. Altho it does make me feel guilty about not having that with the gremlins...
Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote mummytobesep08 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 November 2008 at 8:15pm
Maya thanks for sharing your story. It must have been so hard feeling that way. You must have been soooo busy too, with 3 under 4! Mind you I bet youre extra busy now lol. Thats interesting that you bonded alright with Maya and Chiara aye...keeps me holding out hope that it won't necessarily happen 'next time'. So have you found the psychologist at MMH helpful? Do you chat about how youre feeling and stuff? The play sessions are a good idea too, I hope they're helping.

Thanks to you other ladies too for sharing your stories! Its good to know Im not the only one. It certainly feels like it a lot of the time though! I know Im so dam lucky to have such a healthy baby. Ive never been worried about her health or needed to take her temp or anything! I feel guilty when I hear about other mums and the probs their babies are having...cuz to be honest Id quite gladly swap to be able to feel ok and love my baby fully.

So it seems that PND is likely to come back after each pregnancy...do you think it did/would effect your decision about another child? DH and I have been talking about whether we'd do it again (the whole almost dying thing is rather off putting!). If it was like this again I can honestly say I would not risk having another child...but MW assures me that the likelihood of it happening is small (after all, no one expected me to start bleeding out even that time! It was just bad luck from a combination of things). I think poor DH was a bit traumatised too...after all he SAW everything...saw me bleeding out and the doctors panicking and just handed the baby and shoved to the side.

Well we had a good and bad day today. Good in that we actually got out of the house!!! And I felt ok about being alone with her. I was also surprisingly on top of things; had the washing done, bottles sterilized etc. And Charli didn't have any breakdowns (or me for that matter!). Its been a bad day for feeding though. Shes in a "I just want it in a bottle!!! mood. its a very hard cycle to break! am hoping tonight she'll be too sleepy to care and will just have ther breast and remember that actually its rather nice




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Wow! Your birth story is amazing, I don't think I would have managed to go thru that and not come out with some reservations and feeling the way you do.

I'll link my birth story when I hunt it down - probably tomorrow by the time I have dinner, and spend some time with DH when he finished work.

I have found talking to others is valuable. I hadn't told anyone about the way I was feeling except for DH for a while and then I bailed out of a friends son b'day party, she asked if I was ok, I said yeah fine, paused and said um actually I'm not. She told a 2nd friend who turned up on my doorstep on the monday for breakfast, and one of the first things she said was how long, and we had a big chat. This was great as I hadn't really clicked with any of my AN group, but having another mum to talk about this too was great.

I'm so pleased you had a good day, celebrate the milestones, even if it is only walking to the letterbox! Being left alone with your baby for the first time can be daunting if you don't feel ok about it, but you should be really proud of yourself and everything you have achieved today!


Blair 15/10/2007
Daniel 30/07/2009
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Maya View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Maya Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 November 2008 at 9:56pm
Well done on the good day! I still get anxious about being alone with the gremlins, mainly coz they are so chaotic now and into everything that I feel like I can't keep up!

I do find the therapy helpful, we're doing a bit of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy as I also suffer from OCD but a lot of the time we just talk about stuff that is happening and my responses to it and how I can change my thought processes to respond in a more positive way.

The other thing I've found helpful with MMH is that their Mothercraft nurse comes out every couple of weeks to see us, strictly speaking her job is to give me advice, support and ideas on parenting, breastfeeding etc. But being baby #4 I pretty much know all that stuff already so we just talk about how things are going which I find really helpful. She also just did a referral for me to Family Centre as I'm still having a few feeding issues.

I'm not sure about PND in subsequent pregnancies, I hadn't really resolved mine before I got pregnant again so it's been a bit of an atypical extended episode. However despite the fact that I have a previous history of depression I *didn't* get PND after I had Maya so anything is possible! And if the circumstances surrounding your birth etc. were less traumatic you might not have developed PND this time so if things go more smoothly next time you might not get PND.

Don't ever worry that you don't love your baby fully tho, you do, it's just sometimes the bonding thing doesn't happen quite the way it does in the movies. For me the hardest part was that I *did* bond instantly with Maya and was besotted with her from the moment she was born so I was acutely aware that it was different with the gremlins. My entire pregnancy I was convinced they were going to die, and I can remember in the delivery room after I had this brilliant, uncomplicated normal delivery feeling completely shell shocked that I now had these two little creatures coz up until that point I hadn't for one minute considered the possibility that they would be born alive. That feeling of shock persisted for months, especially with their health problems - Mercedes had a habit of stopping breathing quite randomly (apnoeas) and that only validated my fear that I would lose them. But I always loved them, even when I didn't know I did.

The most important thing I think when planning another pregnancy (aside from planning it so you're not smack bang in the middle of PND like I did!) is to make sure you have lots of support in place *before* you get pregnant and during the pregnancy. Pregnancy/birth will be a particularly stressful time for you with the PTSD associations so setting up some coping strategies beforehand can help address that. That's what has made this time round much more positive for me - even tho I am "sicker" than I was after I had the gremlins in terms of the depression etc, I have so much more professional support that I don't feel like I am in it all on my own.

I am also blessed to have an amazing group of friends who go out of their way to make my life easier, and like Monicamouse said, that means so much. Even tho a lot of them don't understand what it's like, they try and it makes me feel so valued even when I don't like myself very much.




Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Kellz View Drop Down
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Hi! Im Kelly. I belong in here too.
I had PTSD after having Isla in Oct 2006, although I struggled along thinking I was just stressed with sleep deprivation and a unsettled baby who no-one knew what was wrong with. When things settled down a bit, and Isla was finally diagnosed with silent reflux and put on meds, and started sleeping for longer than 2 hrs at a time, all these thoughtsof the birth started taking over my life. Isla was 8 months old when I went to my GP who didnt think I was depresed but that I had PTSD. He put me on meds which I finally started taking 2 weeks later when I could see that things werent getting better on there own.
A while later I started seeing a nurse at MMH weekly who really helped, plus I had 3 hrs homehelp a week too which was fantastic. I was diagnosed as having PND too.
Just after Isla's 1st birthday we moved towns. The
supports I had in place were suddenly gone, I knew no-one here, and was now 6 hrs drive from my parents who had been a great help to us over the first year.
I was put on my third diff anti-depressant after reacting to the first 2. Started having couselling but that was useless, and I was starting to struggle more and more.
In Jan this year I ended up on the phych ward at the hospital after attempting to end my life.
2 weeks later I had a massive allergic reaction when my meds were increased again. I then had to come off my meds (which were now up to triple the usual dose) cold turkey. It was the most horrific thing ever to withdraw like a drug addict when I was already at the blackest point of my life. It took 2 weeks to finally be able to care for myself and my baby again.

Opps Ive already written a book! He he! If you are still awake, well done! Lol

I then had lots of supports put into place. I was seeing my GP 2-3 times a week from the time of the allergic reaction for about 2 months, as we decided we would see how I would do without going back on any meds but with other help. I was seeing an excellent phycologist weekly through MMH, and getting accupuncture and taking natural supplements from a natural health practioner, as well as Isla started daycare 8 hrs a week. We also sort further help to get Islas reflux and food intollerances sorted, as lack of sleep was a major issue for me.

I am now doing well. Isla is now doing great and sleeping and behaving like any other 2 year old.
I still have anxiety issues which Im still trying to work on, and lack motivation and self esteem although these are long standing issues.

I have issues of lack of trust for medical staff from my experince with the OB during Isla's birth, plus the multitude of drs/midwives/plunket nurses/mothercraft nurses who we saw before Isla was finally diagnosed correctly, and treated.
I can now stay in the room if people start takling about briths, without freaking out and having to leave and then having a black day like I used to. I sort of glaze over a bit, and dont join in, but am sooo much better. I had tears in my eyes just thinking about u haveing a bad time too (mummytobesept08). I didnt read your birth story, but I did read what u wrote before and after that.
Im glad that you have got help so early on, and have great support. I really hope things improve for you soon.

I have learnt that I need to tell people how the can help me, or they dont know!

We want to have anothe baby but DH and I are both freaked about how the birth will go, and then how I will cope afterwards. Our lives are finally now going relatively smoothly, and we are scared to rock the boat again. Its now likely that we will have a 3 1/2-4 year age gap between kids,..double what we originally intended.
The littlest thing can still set me off into anxiety then curled up into an un-functioning ball (although it doesnt last like this long anymore). We want me to be compeltely right before we ttc.



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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote mummytobesep08 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 November 2008 at 5:08pm
kellz, thanks for sharing your story! sounds like you had a very hard time too. Gawd how awful having to come off anti-depressants cold turkey! And having allergic reactions to them!

Sounds like everyone seemed to find help with MMH and stuff. I had plunkets post-natal adjustment team come out for a visit and she is gonna recommend I go to a mothers and babies unit and maternal mental health. It sounds pretty intense...though it didn't help when she said they send the top 3% of people there (cool so Im 97% more psycho than the rest of the world...thanks, good to know!!!) It's strange cuz I don't think I'm that bad. I don't drink/do drugs to make things feel better, Ive never thought about physically hurting myself or my baby...when the feeding goes bad sometimes I cant handle her and I sit there and cry with her and once I thought about leaving her on the lift...so maybe I'm a little nuts but surely not seriously so?

I live with my mum at the moment, and DH and brother who has issues of his own. We moved here to help care for my brother as my mum goes away often and cant look after him. Mums been 'through the system' with Harley (my bro) so hasn't got much faith in them. Shes relly anti me getting help, to the point where she came downstairs while i was talking with the plunket lady and told her there was nothing wrong with me and she was wasting her time. (while Im sitting there in tears...hmmm...)

Thanks Emma (oops I think I called you Maya in a previous post!). I do like to think if it wasnt for the birth that Id be ok. I always feared Id get PND. Geez it seems everything I was scared of has come true with this pregnancy and baby!

Righto a certain lil miss requires some boobie...will be back later...




Angel babes '07 & '10- <3 <3
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Maya Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 November 2008 at 7:26pm
My mum says the same thing! She has no experience with depression so she doesn't understand why I can't just "get over it". According to her if I stop telling myself I can't cope I'll be fine *rolls eyes* - yeah, coz it's that easy!

Yay for Plunket coming to visit and offering some support, hope it can help. I was like you, I never thought of harming myself or the kids, not once, not ever, but there were times I could have walked out and left them!
Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Kellz Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 November 2008 at 7:32pm
Thats like me- I had a fear of things going wrong and me getting pnd cos of family history of depression,..and yeah,..here I am!
I wasnt using drugs/alcohol or putting myself or my baby at risk either. I was very stressed, very anxious, very sleep deprived, extremely tearful, and thinking the worst of everything, but was still able to care for Isla. I dont think anyone ever feared for her safety at all.

They are just offering u the help to support u now so things dont end up worse. Take all the help you are offered I say! Better to have all the supports happening, rather than waiting til things to get worse before u get help.

If u live in Chch, the Mothers and babies unit there is really good, so Ive heard from people who have been there who I chat with on a pnd forum.


I just started to write about the OD to explain that I wasnt feeling suicidial until the point where I actual took the OD, which was after an incident with a family memeber. This was the last straw, and I felt like the world would be so much better for all my loved ones, if the burdeon of having me in their lives was gone.
I wont go into any more details- Its a bit graphic so will delete.
I was very sick. My thinking was completely warped. I can see that now. I so glad I made it through. My baby needs me, and now she has me back
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MonicaMouse View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MonicaMouse Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 November 2008 at 8:34pm
I was lucky enough to be refered to the mothercraft unit here in Hamilton, which helped me get Blair into some good sleep patterns, which in turn allowed me to get some decent sleep, which allowed me more time, and a decent head space to 'sort' myself out'. I know it sounds bad, but I kept reminding myself that I'm not the worst mother in the world, otherwise you would all be hearing about me in the news

Its tough that your Mum doesn't seem supportive, I know that it can be hard to stand up to our Mums at times, but if you feel that getting all the help you can is the best thing for you - and as a result Charli-Rose - then IMO you've gotta go for it


Blair 15/10/2007
Daniel 30/07/2009
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Kellz View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Kellz Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 November 2008 at 8:46pm
We went to the Waikato mothecraft unit too!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote mummytobesep08 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 November 2008 at 9:49pm
had our 6 week jabs today and Charli-Rose might call for me any second but hopefully I get a chance to write on here!

I know I keep saying this but thanks heaps for posting in here. I know its really tough stuff to talk about but its really helping me to know other people are or have gone through similar things and its great to hear what helped.

Today was alright except I made the mistake of going through my hospital notes again. My heart was beating so fast when i got to the 'good bits'. And I found more stuff that I didnt know happened, like toady I found in the notes that they manually removed the placenta. Its still really hard not remembering those things properly. Then had a nap. It was awful! I woke up totally freaking out, I think I was having nightmares about it. Then felt weird and sorta on edge for the rest of the day. I'm still sorta like that now. My chest is a bit tight and I keep chewing my nails. So Im feeling a bit crazy right now!!!

Oh ooh someone wants feeding...hopefully my milk lets down ok now. It didnt before as I was still freaking, so she had to have it in a bottle. The poor thing! Shes feeling so miserable from her shots that all she wants is boobie lol




Angel babes '07 & '10- <3 <3
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Maya View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Maya Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 November 2008 at 10:54pm
Snap! Lil miss had her 12 week jabs today. Yes, yes I know, only 6 weeks late lol but it's taken me this long to be brave enough coz every time I made the appt she got sick so I got too scared to make another appt . Still, they're done now, and she spiked a nasty temp of 38.6 degrees but some pamol and a bath brought it down and she's asleep.

The respite nurse from MMH is here tonight so if baby is too unsettled she will rock her in the hammock.

Well done for looking at your notes! It must have taken a lot of nerve. I have similar issues with baby pics of the gremlins, I can't look at them without getting anxious coz it triggers flashbacks of all the bad stuff that happened then, but I'm getting braver with time. I've started doing scrapbooking and working thru their baby photos one by one which I'm finding quite therapeutic.

Hope Charli-Rose has a settled night for you!
Maya Grace (28/02/03)
(02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote AzzaNZ Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 November 2008 at 1:58pm
I had absolutely no experience with depression before having Isabella and thought people who did should "pull themselves together".

During the pregnancy I had my heart set on a natural birth but Isabella was breech and nothing the homeopath, accupuncturist, midwife or obstetrician did would budge her so I ended up in a very unwanted caesarian... and feeling as though I could have done something to avoid it.

Isabella fed every 40 minutes and DH somehow managed to sleep straight through any amount of noise she made. And my family descended on our home (from another country) the night before I had her and spent the next few weeks criticising everything from my DH to my home, saying they were bored and expecting me to cook, clean and wait on them hand and foot. I tore my stitches while hanging laundry!

So looking back it isnt a huge surprise I ended up with PND.

All I can say is thank god my doctor picked it up and prescribed medication because I was suicidal.

I was on medication for a year before weaning myself off and am now managing without any issues. I have so mych more empathy for people who suffer from depression now!

I am absolutely terrified of getting PND again and although I want another baby very, very badly I'm too scared to TTC just yet.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MonicaMouse Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 November 2008 at 3:13pm
AzzaNZ, I'm sorry, I just can't get over the fact that your family expected you to keep them entertained and 'kept' for not only a)just after you had had a baby, but b) whilst you were recovering from surgery! Your poor thing. I completely understand the fear of another bout with a second child. I always knew I was high risk, and thought I knew the signs, but put a lot of it down to just being tired. If there is a next time, I'm making sure that DH knows what to look out for too.


Blair 15/10/2007
Daniel 30/07/2009
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