Whats your view? Financial...

Ok, so I have been wrestling with a friend over a certain situation. We are as you know, TTC #1. We are in a fairly low income bracket, and my friend thinks we are being irresponsible having a child when we are in so much debt.

I feel personally that as we have been able to get our cot, baby bath, and other such paraphernalia from family and friends (still in good nick) and have been slowly gathering clothes and things, not to mention my craft skills. I have been knitting up a storm, and have had to give most of it away as I have been bed ridden and bored, so knitting all day and had more than I'l ever need!

So, what is your view? Is it irresponsible of us to have a child when we have money trouble? Or are we doing it responsibly (in my opinion) by shopping around for bargains and getting things second hand. Plus the fact that I am a seamstress and can make anything under the sun, and already have a massive fabric and wool collection so I'm not forking out for materials.

I spent 5yrs as a nanny, so I know what is really essential for bubs, and what is just a gimmick or not really essential. And we have most of those now. We already have a cot with mattress and 2x sets sheets and blankets plus bumper, baby bath, changing table, baby gym, plenty of clothes and booties from birth to 9mos. Bottles (intend to breastfeed) bibs, play rug, toys, rattles, and wall hangings for the nursery. Plus heaps of others that I'm sure I've forgotten. Not to mention that the grandparents are itching to pay for the big ticket items so we are covered there.

I dunno, I would love to tell this friend to just please keep her comments to herself, and just support us for what we are choosing in our life. I am happy with our decision, but just wanted OBer opinions.

So bring it on, I've got a thick skin, and I would love to know what you think.

Edited by bumblefoot

I think you're being responsible preparing all the baby things beforehand.
You might want to look at trying to pay the debt off before baby comes though. (unsure what kind of debt - if it's a student loan, then meh.. I have one and haven't started paying it yet).

We survived for a year or so on a very low income - and it was only one income. Luckily things got better for us over the next few years.

What the others said... not irresponsible, just not ideal.

Babes don't cost much... it's kids that do!! hehe

I agree that there is no suitable financial time to have children.

My son was not a planned child but very much a surprise... His dad and I had only been together a few months and he bought thousands of dollars of debt into the relationship, we are not together now thank goodness. We split just after I had finished helping him pay off all his debt, 4 long years later.

Anyway, we managed with a child because we had no choice. I continued to work full time and my son never went without. Although, my parents did have to fill the pantry a few times for us, so we were lucky there.

But I think if your willing to keep earning an income and make an effort to pay off your debt, then go for it.

I just know that I could never do it again, it was far too stressful.

ditto what everyone has said.....your friend should mind her own business!

maybe you could make things to sell on TM and have an acc that it goes into but don't touch it til there's a goos sum to pay on bills??

sounds like you have all the basics you need for a bub and TM is a great place to get cheap clothing etc...

Ditto what everyone else has said. We have debt (credit card - still paying off the honeymoon, whoops!), mortgage, student loan and an HP but it's manageable now. We went through a patch where it wasn't, but at the end of the day you make do.

My parents were on the bones of their bums when I was little, dad couldn't work because of an accident (and is still unable to work fulltime because of this 25 years after the fact) and mum had to look after us kids as dad couldn't pick us up etc. They survived on a measly ACC wage and $12 family support from the govt a week. I know times have changed, but they made do. I think it helps if your family's supportive, which obviously yours is by the sound of things.

If we waited until we were financially 'ready', we would never have kids!

From my own experience coming from a big family (1 of 5 children) I know what its like to see parents struggle. My dad always had low income jobs (a labourer) and mum was a SAHM for 16 years before getting a night fill job at the local supermarket. By that time I was about 17 years old.

In saying that, the only debt my parents had was a mortgage as they couldnt afford anything else (i.e. no credit ards, no HP's etc). The only govt assistance they got was family support (I think its now called working for families, the IRD payments??). Back then, it was about $250 a fortnight for 5 children for memory.

I agree with everyone elses comments. But at the end of the day, its the love, support, Nurturing and every day care and needs of a child/ren that is all that matters IMO.
I came from a loving and caring family and that has made me appreciate the bigger things in life. We always had hand-me-down clothing, shoes, everything. We never went to a shop and brought brand new stuff, its was always from a second hand shop. But I appreciate and love my parents so much more that if we were to have everything we wanted.

I hope that doesnt seem too OTT . Do what is right for you and your partner. Its no on elses business.

If you had a baby now you wouldn't be "bludging" off the government any more than you are now lol. We had our second baby while we were on the student allowance, so similar situation I guess. We had a lot of hand me downs and we managed to make ends meet. It's hard to work on that kind of income but if you reckon you can do it - who's to judge! We're currently living off just 30 hours a week of work (total for both of us) so that puts us in a low income bracket for sure, but we can work it out and we're doing quite well.

PS Our best man had a go at us when WFF was introduced for getting so much off the government etc etc. The thing is, it was put in place for that reason and I'm no more "bludging" off that "benefit" as he is for getting medical (heart condition) check-ups. I hope that helps cause you're kinda in both situations lol

Ok, don't want to be a total arse but I have to ask, if neither of you are well enough to work how are you well enough to care for a child 24/7?
I know I don't know your exact situation, but I can assure you that having a child is far harder than any job you could have.
Also, would it not be better to get your business up and running and to the point where DF can run it alone whilst you are a full time SAHM? that way you would also get out of the debt you are in and would not need to be on benefit. It will be far harder to get a business off the ground once you have a baby to care for.

It sounds daft, but I have actually tried to get back into employment, but no-one will hire me! I have at least 12 rejection letters in a folder in my office for jobs that were so low in pay that we would actually be making less than on the invalids benefit. Plus there is the fact that my specialist who has to sign off on any employment I would have, isn't comfortable to do it. We have just got my health to the point where we have a balance of medication, physio and other treatments that works for me.

I know that we are both capable to care for a child as we have both had nannying jobs in the past (and yes, have applied for a few of those lately, but alas my disability puts people off) and have had a new born from birth to 4mos due to his Mum being not well enough to care for him. We know all too well how hard it is, but we are up for it. DF is in the same boat where it comes to the specialist signing off, his migraines although becoming less and less, are still enormous when they do hit, to the point where he needs morphine to cope sometimes. Thankfully they are becoming less frequent with medication. So yeah, its not just up to us when it comes to work.

As for the business, I ran it while nannying, and also while we had the 4mos old baby, so I know I can do it simultaneously. And since it is a business run on what I make with all my various crafts, it isn't really something that DF could do, although he could very well take care of the accounting side of things etc. While I made the various things at home. We want to eventually open a retail Teddy bear store, which actually has a very wide market, and I think will do quite well. All of the enthusiasts I have spoken to at trade shows have been very positive with their feedback and have indeed said they would be happy to supply stock as well as shop there. So thats encouraging. I feel that if no-one else will hire me then why not hire myself? I haven't opened the store before now as I wanted to get our debt paid off, and have had other goals like getting my aircraft pilots licence, learning competiive horse riding, and then university this year. But, by 2010 we will be in a position to do it, and until then we are just slowly gathering stock, and working out our suppliers etc. So its all full steam ahead, and we have a plan, which feels good.

I know it must sound like we are too unhealthy to care for a child, but really we are at the mercy of our specialists, and strangely enough my specialist was over the moon when we broached the subject of TTC. Which he was happy for us to go ahead with.

We have a great support network, and while I'm not going to rely heavily on family stepping in if I get sick, it is good to know they will be there for this part of our life journey.

Oh, and I also wanted to add that we have started a savings account for the baby, so we will have a backstop for any costs that can and will arise. We always make sure that even a small amount goes in each week.

So yeah, not trying to make excuses, just thought that the whole story would make it a bit easier to understand. I acknowledge that there will still be some people that think what we are doing is wrong, but to be honest, if we waited until we were financially better off, it would be years down the track and there would be the chance that we would decide not to have a child, since it has been a very long 16mos of trying, especially with DF's infertility problems. Who knows how long it will take.

Ok so sorry for another longwinded post, now you know pretty much everything there is to know about me! Happy days and babydust to all! Have to say that we could certainly do with some!

Edited by bumblefoot