Hugs- this sounds exactly like me, although Im not preg again yet, having #2 is always on my mind. I also had PTSD following Islas birth and later developed PND too.
Unfortuantaly most midwives seemed to be really busy and over worked these days, I have sort of accepted the fact that I may not get the emotional support that I need from then. I plan to phone the hospital and speak to the head midwife and tell them a little of my story and ask for their recommendations for a midwife. We have moved towns so there is no option to hve my previos midwife anyway,..although I would not choos her again anyway. She wasnt terrible by any means, but in my head she is asscoiated with the bad experience, so I would personally start afreash with a diff midwife.
Check out the TABSnz (Trauma and Birth stress) website. There is excellent info on what questions to ask, what to put in place differently etc for a second birth following a bad 1st birth experience. I have already found that info really helpful.
I have thought a lot about how I would like the birth to go for #2. I would love to try for a homebirth as I laboured at home for 13 hrs with just me and DH and was 6cm dilated when I got to hospital, and I have good memories of this part of the labour, just not the following 12 hrs I laboured in hospital
I would love #2 birth to be like I felt in control, and my body was able to take over and do what nature intended.
On the other hand, the unknown scares the s*** out of me, and I often think I should just ask for an elective c-section to eliminate some of the 'unknowns' from the birth and hopefully decrease my anxiety.
I fear that I would always feel dissapointed that I didnt have the great natural birth that I want tho, and I will feel like I have let myself down by not trying,...but Im terrified that the birth would go as badly or worse than #1.
Sorry thats not gonna help u much, I guess I just wanna let u know that u not alone.
Edited by Kellz
PND - choosing a LMC for number 2
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