Whos got PND or PTSD?

Thanks for sharing your story. How old is Isabella now? Totally understand how scary it is contemplating #2 after such as awful time, thats exactly how we feel.
We would love to have another baby, but everything is finally pretty ok now, and we are so scared of things getting bad again.
We have decided to think about ttc in Jan, but as that date approaches we are both still now sure if we will be ready then or not.

azza and Janine thanks for sharing your stories!

Azza: what a shame your family was a hindrance rather than a help! And yay for weaning off the anti-depressants. It took me two goes to wean myself off them (though the first time it was straight after my M/C so probably not the best timing!) Thats why I was a bit reluctant to go on them this time but considering how bad I was I figured anything that might help was worth it! So Im on them now (much to my mums displeasure!) How old is Isabella now?

Janine- first of all so sorry to hear about your baby that died! *phew* for your sister telling you to go to docs. with me it was my mw- she said got to the doc and go TODAY! have you ever done counseling or anything?

I'm actually the oppostie witht he TTC thing. I want to start now and have a baby again so I can give birth again and do it "right" this time- hidden away from nasty hospitals and doctors that took everything away from me...though I know this is very irrational as a) thats no reason to have a child and b) if I wasnt at the hospital I would have lost too much blood before getting to a doctor and would have died...but no need to worry cuz things aren't...ah...healed enough to have to worry!

(warning- a bit TMI) Had my last visit with MW today. Had to check my stitches which was scary. Things healed a bit, ah, tightly. Im so guttered cuz things being too tight was the root of all my problems during the birth...and pre-birth I had actually been looking forward to being well a loose goose lol. So the fact that that didn't go to plan either has left me a bit hopefully I dont have the same probs though else Charli-Rose will most def be an only child!

Kellz- January is still a wee while away...I so understand why you wouldn't wanna risk everything turning to sh** again though! I think its something you'd definitely need to think a lot about BEFORE getting pregnant again. I dont know how much you could help- but definitely having a LOT of support systems in place! And it may not come back. Reading Emma's story it didnt happen with her youngest baby so there is hope!

Well we've got a lady from plunket's post-natal adjustment programme coming again this week. Im a bit nervous but...I suppose it'll be alright. she just asks some pretty tough questions!

Hi guys, how is everyone doing lately?

I'm loosing it I don't know what to do! I'm already ON anti-depressants. But it's getting worse each day. I cry ALL the time and when I run out of tears I still feel like crying. I have no energy and have started avoiding people. I'm forcing myself to come on here. I figure its a bit easier than seeing 'real' people at least. I've started dreaming about the days I used to drink my sorrows away...not that I'm saying Im gonna go grab a vodka, but Ive been getting so desperate at nights I wonder if it'd be better to- at least so I can get some sleep.

I had someone from PNAP come out today but I couldn't even talk to her. I just wanted her to take Charli-Rose and go away. I don't understand though cuz I do love my baby, I'm sure I do. And sometimes I think she's so darn cute! But it's so hard. I really wanted to talk to the aldy but I just couldn't.

Monica thanks so much for teh idea about writing things down.Last time J came round (the PNAP lady) I was so tired and had no idea what I was gonna talk about so this time I've been writing things down.

Ive been on ADs for...hmm...7 weeks now. I think in some ways I am feeling better. Like I started doing a few things I used to enjoy. Nothing major, just a crossword at night before bed, but its a good sign. The other night I was looking at Charli-Rose while she was asleep and I thought "my god shes so cute I just wanna pick her up and snuggle her!" Ive NEVER had feeling like that about her before so thats a good sign too

theres things that are getting worse though. Maybe because it feels like this PND will never end. I got a bit drunk the other night. Ok yes it only happened once but Ive been thinking about it ever since...like how my head felt so fuzzy for a few hours and I could relax and had the best sleep...

Aww hugs mummytobe!! I second the stuff that Monica said. And if you still feel like you aren't coping then maybe you should go back to your GP and let them know, and they may be able to increase your AD dose or something.

I've been meaning to come into this thread for a while and join the "I've got PND" group but every time I think about trying to write my story down I just feel exhausted, so I've been avoiding it. I will get around to it one day, I'm sure...

In short, I had a hard pregnancy and then an awful birth experience, trouble with breastfeeding and didn't bond with Chloe for the first 4-5 months... I cried all the time and I'm sure I had PND but just kept trying to cope on my own. I found out I was pregnant again when Chloe was about 6 months old (ish) and that's when I really fell apart and went to see the Dr, who put me on AD's and got me some support. I'm feeling a whole lot better now... still have off days of course, but coping in general

I hope you are feeling better today, mummytobe!

Kellz wrote: Thanks for sharing your story. How old is Isabella now? Totally understand how scary it is contemplating #2 after such as awful time, thats exactly how we feel. We would love to have another baby, but everything is finally pretty ok now, and we are so scared of things getting bad again. We have decided to think about ttc in Jan, but as that date approaches we are both still now sure if we will be ready then or not.

Isabella is 21 months now

big hugs mummytobesep08!!!

Hi Ladies, don't really have the concentration span to read all the stories so far but i'm Chonny & i hvae just been diagnosed with PND. i have been struggling a lot lately & talked to GP today who has given me script for Anti D's & is referring me to the South Auckland Maternal Mental Health place.

So, i really not sure what happening i guess. i had depression as a teen ager & again about 6mth after getting married, Both times ended up on pills. Got REALLY depresse dduring my preggy due to marriage probs but not on pills. Never got PND with my DS1 & was ready for it. Not sure what to do i guess at this stage. i hvae a 2yo who drives me nutty most the time at the moment & a 6week old who is great. I really love my boys & wouldn't exchange them for anything, but right now i would deffinately change my 2yo....

Sorry for long post, just wanted to introduce myself & find others in a similar position. I have been worried for a whil ei was getting like this & try to call my mum everyday to check in with her but every time i tell her how i feel she always says it's just tiredness.... it's nice to know now i'm not just tired, altho that wont help, it's not all thats happening. anyways, it's nice to know there something that may help, or that i have at least sought some extra help

mummytobesep08, i'm the same, every other time i have had depression i've just wanted to die etc. even when i had PTSD i was the same, altho that time i over worked myself so majorly it wasn't funny. like.... 6 jobs working 100+ hours a week type thing

Dr has given me a script for Aropax.... haven't filled it yet & not sure if i wanna.... kinda weary bout taking the pills also i feel heaps better today.... but thats how it goes aye? one day can be bad then the next be ok but keeps going in that cycle type thing. I don't know! anyone on AD's & breastfeeding?

I think maybe having depression when u have a baby makes u somehow keep going,...like u cant literally do nothing cos u have a baby to care for.
I didnt think I was depressed either,..I put it down to Isla being sick and me being so tired and stressed- it was ages before I finally agreed with everyone else that I was deprssed,...after it got REALLY bad.

Just thought of something else- you guys were saying that the way u feel now was diff to when u had depression before having baby - well I havent had depression before, but maybe its like with everything in your life,..nothing feels the same after having a kid as i did before. I used to love to do adventure type stuff, like scary rides, rock climbing etc,...but now wouldnt consider it,..I want to,..but there is something in me that stops me,....I hope this makes any sense,...but I guess there is somethjing tha makes u strive on and keeps u in survival mode when your a mother.

But depression is a scary disease,..it can totally warp your thinking,....I managed to totally believe that Isla would be so much better off without me,..in the end I beleived I was punishing her by being her mother, and making her suffer and I needed to let her be free of me and she could be happy,...when people told me this wasnt tru I really could not see how it wasnt tru. Of course I can see that now,..but it took a long time and a lot of therapy and meds etc to come right.

I guess my point is- if professionals are telling you that u are not right and u need help and meds etc,..LISTEN,..for your sake and the sake of your children.

That probably sounds relaly harsh,...but I didnt listen,..I let things go too far,......it was very very close to being too late,....and nowe Im just so lucky and forever grateful that I got given a second chance.