PND after a miscarriage ?... Really?

hugs from me, I cant imagine how aweful that situation must be for you.

it definitely can be pnd. try taking the tablets for a couple of weeks, it takes about that long to notice the effects and you can feel worse at the beginning.

it will take more than the tablets to make you feel normal again but they can get you to the place where you can work from to get back to feeling normal and dealing with your pain.

For the first few days, anti-depressants make you feel very dopey and sleepy... but that will wear off and then after a couple of weeks you will start to generally feel better and by 3mths you should be doing a lot better otherwise they might need to adjust your dose or medication.

I've heard counselling with medication is very helpful for PND, and I think it would be very difficult losing a baby - I don't think I would cope well either, so certainly not surprising. Take care...

Hun your family need to be supporting you not telling you not take help!!!!

AD are not addictive, that said some people need them for life (clinical depression where the body is not functioning properly and is unable to regulate serotonin properly) however that is uncommon with PND or depression triggered by an event...

I think you do need to see your GP again as you should be starting to see some minor improvements after a week and if you are not then you made need your dose reassessed and they may want to check if they are the right AD for you....

If DP didnt go with you to your original appt I think it would be beneficial for him to go with you on thursday.

Why dont your family want you to take the AD? They are a drug to fix a problem with your body, just like Antibiotics treat infection, you wouldnt expect someone to fight an infection without medication right?

Sorry if that sounds harsh, I am not meaning to be mean, just trying to understand!

My friends and family try as best they can and they are amazing, but they just cannot understand what I've been through.

Heck, if a year ago one of my friends had gone through this I wouldn't have had the slightest clue as to how to help.

Melnel - You didn't sound mean at all - I love that you care and want to help! I think my loved ones see AD as some kind of "temp fix". Like it's just going to mask the problem and not actually fix it (not that this particular problem can be fixed per say).

My dp, and friends/family are generally just happy people, they don't let things get them down much, and if they do - it's not for long. I guess they can't comprehend still feeling sad for 5 months and don't understand the need for medication! (If someone had told me 5 months ago I'd still be feeling like this I never would have believed them - I generally bounce back!)

I also really really want to try and have another baby, but dp doesn't even want to try for another year or so, and it devastates me. I am so scared I won't have a baby, I'm scared I'll have another miscarriage, I'm scared I might still have the bicornuate/septate uterus the specialists suspected. I just feel despair and I feel scared and I just want to have a baby

Oh you poor thing. I can hear your heartbreak and can understand that longing. First of all, side effects (such as dizziness) are very common when you start taking a medication but they settle down after a few weeks, sometimes sooner.

Secondly, you have gone through normal grief in response to a tragic event. The nature of grief is that it is a different experience for everybody. Commonly, they say there are 5 stages of grief: Shock/Denial, Bargaining (if I had only...then..), Anger, Depression (includes crying or feeling the full force of the loss and pain), and Acceptance. These don't happen in any kind of order and you can flick backwards and forwards until acceptance occurs. It's helpful to understand these stages of grief and that everybody deals with grief differently and that it's normal.

However, sometimes people get stuck in one stage of grief and are unable to move through it. For instance, someone might get stuck in the stage of denial, or in the stage of anger. Or in the stage of depression.

They say that we can all manage a little bit of stress, but if stress continues for too long and is too overwhelming and doesn't resolve... eventually our resources break down and we are susceptible to depression or illness. In addition to this event, if there are other factors or stressors going on in your life then the combination might just have been too much for you to take.

It is difficult to say whether you are experiencing normal grief or depression. Since your GP feels that you have clinical depression, I would suggest you probably have a mixture of both.

Different anti-depressants work differently. Some increase your levels of Serotonin in your brain. We all need certain levels of Serotonin and without it we become depressed, so in a sense the medication is fixing what is lacking in your brain. So in that sense - no they are not addictive. You could almost see it like a vitamin you are lacking in your body that you are taking until your body is able to start producing the necessary chemicals for you to be off the pills. I hope that makes a bit of sense.

There are other ways of boosting your serotonin and other chemicals that boost energy, happiness and wellness such as exercise, being in the sunshine for min. 15mins a day and laughing (so comedy DVDs are a good idea - dramas that make you cry are not!)

Sometimes anti-depressants can mask your feelings and leave you feeling a bit numb. I actually find it hard to cry and I'm a big cryer over everything! However, not always. Usually anti-depressants are a tool to help you to get to a level so that you can work on the areas that need fixing - the reasons why you became depressed in the first place. I would assume in your case, that would mean getting someone to assist you in your grieving, such as a counsellor. It seems pretty important to me having read your posts that this is something you need.

I can really see that you have an overwhelming desire for a baby and your husband/partner (?) wants to wait. My first reaction is how selfish of him! But I would imagine he is watching you go through a lot at the moment, and he will have his own feelings about the miscarriage, so no doubt there are fears on his part. This is something you need to discuss together as openly as you can about what has happened and what you both want and your fears/concerns about that. If you're not able to have that conversation, I would strongly suggest you find a marriage or relationship counsellor so you can discuss this. Having a baby is so important to you and to be denied that without a conversation about it or listening to your feelings about it is not fair of him. However, you also need to hear his reasons and talk about what you can do together to help one another.

Sorry for the novel but I just wanted to help you if I could.

Edited by nathansmummy

Thanks Nathansmummy - I appreciate all the time you put into writing that, It's given me alot to think about. I hadn't thought about the 5 stages of grief, but I've certainly spent alot of time going between the first 4. I think I have got stuck in depression and am starting to realise I need to take some serious steps to get myself out of it.

It's hard when I'm so demotivated but I saw a quote yesterday that I keep thinking about. "Remember that our lives don't change, we change our lives"

More laughter, more sun, and more exercise - Baby steps but that's what I need to work on over the next few weeks.

I phoned my GP yesterday as I was in a really bad way by the end of the day, and she told me to cut down (hard when I'm only on such a low dose anyway). I took 1/6 today and I feel better than yesterday. I hope it doesn't all come down on me like a ton of bricks tonight as is usually the case. I think it's just going to take some getting used to the pills and finding the right dose.

My dp is very motivated and driven toward his career (which he is great at) and he's also driven toward wanting to make lots of $ in the future. He's doing post grad study (A CFA - Chartered Financial Analyst) Which is huge - for 5 months a year it eats 25 hours a week of study on top of his already demanding full time job. He's just finished year 1 and has 2 to go. I love that he's motivatied and driven, but sometimes I think his goals are driven by shallow things that don't matter.

Having a child is no doubt financially difficult, Going from DINKS to having one income and a child to support is a huge adjustment and because he's driven so much by money he wants to wait until he's making more.

I know there's no right time to have a baby, and it's probably never going to be easy, But I don't see what difference it makes waiting a year or 2 or doing it now. So many people get by on a lot less than what he earns just fine.

argghhhhh it's so frustrating We've been together almost 5 years.

It's causing alot of tension and I don't know what to do. I love him so much and can't imagine my life without him, but how long am I supposed to compromise on my own dreams and happiness waiting for him to be ready ?

Edited by Princess_Bubs

Princess, it sounds to me like you are moving in the right direction toward healing from your experience. With regards to your DP, if you are unable to talk and meet each other half way, would he be willing to see a relationship counsellor with you? If you are unable to get anywhere by talking to him about how you feel and how this is a priority to you - and unwilling to go to someone to help you through it I think that becomes a crisis in your relationship.

Forgive me for being a traditionalist and of course you may see it completely differently so please don't be offended by anything I say... but with marriage I feel that there's a strong commitment to each other and to your future together. Since you are not married and may value different things and want different things in terms of children and timing, and if you are unable to talk to him or see a counsellor to resolve it - is it worth considering whether he is the right person for you?

I don't want to sound terrible but to me having children is a really important thing and if this is something you are unable to resolve, I guess the question I would ask is what is the solution? That you continue to not only grieve the baby you lost, but to grieve because a baby doesn't seem on the horizon? It doesn't seem like an equal partnership in that respect.

I had PTSD after my first boy's birth then had a mc when he was 3mo which triggered the already waiting PND. I had recurrent mc's after that which send me spiralling badly and I developed postnatal psychosis.

You might have to try different meds (in case someone hadn't already suggested that)...

I don't think having different ideas on when to have a child means you aren't suited coz my DP was really not keen on having #2 for a long time. He was worried about whether or not he'd be able to make time for everybody, plus I don't do pregnancy well and he was concerned about that then of course he was freaking about me already being so sick with PND. In the end it was fine and hes over the hump now and keen to have more but I definitely had to respect the fact that he had concerns and stuff too.

It may have been easier coz we already had a kid so we both knew the realities of having a child - sleepless nights, discipline, nappys, etc, it wasn't just a nice idea. I knew that actually having the baby needed to be a team effort, it really does take two and can ruin a relationship if you aren't both committed, plus why rush having a baby and end up not enjoying it coz you didn't sort stuff out first?! Way better to give it a year or so and do it when you're both happy about it - you'll have a lot more fun and have a better experience all round...

And as for finances - men see it totally differently!! If having another baby is your goal and hes worried about the financial side then why don't you start putting one of your incomes aside and actually living off one income from now and save the other?! It'll make for a nice little nest egg or you can get debt free or pay down your mortgage if you have one so be better off for when you do have a baby. You'll feel like you're working towards a goal and he'll get use to the whole idea of a budget Men like practicalities!!

Anyway thats my boring 2c worth

Thanks again everyone!

Well, My GP has taken me off the pills. My Vitamin D was very low so she's trying Cognitive Therapy for now - Vit D, Viatmin B's, counceling and exercise/sun. I'm seeing a councelor next tues which I hope will be good for me. My GP said she'll try other AD"s if I haven't improved in 3-4 weeks when I see her again. She said she has lots of tricks up her sleeve for treating depression (hrm Intriguing)

nathansmummy - I agree about Marriage, It's very important to me. Things were complicated with dp and I for a while and for a whole lot of reasons we aren't yet. He does want that though, but we're taking things slowley this time around. We did have a big talk over the weekend and he assures me that 2 years from now he wants to be married and wants me to have a baby belly. I'm just incredibly impatient and damaged after what I've been through, and hence 2 years seems like a really really long time from now.

babe - Awesome idea about finances. Dp and I are both good with money, but I think it's a great idea to see how we'd go on just one salary. Being a practical man I think he'll like that Fabulous idea!

In the meantime I suppose I just have to keep on keeping on. I feel like all the time I'm following my pregnancy and waiting for my due date that things will continue to be hard. I just hope after October 13th that I can really start to let myself move on.

Sorry to hear you have been having such a rough time after your m/c PB

I also went completely to pieces after mine but was lucky (?) enough to already be diagnosed with ptsd, clinical depression and panic disorder from a past trauma so my AD's were raised as I struggled and they helped me stay alive at any rate!

probably doesn't help AT ALL but I am just coming to terms with mine now after finding out I'm PG again, as you know. yet, there is a danger in that as I'm already stressed, depressed and haven't processed my grief properly from the m/c and can almost guarantee that if anything goes wrong this time I'm going to be in huge trouble

i'm sorry your DF has a different time frame in mind for trying for a baby again. i can't imagine how difficult that is, but you can at least spend the time now trying to heal.

seeing a counsellor is a great idea, they should be trained to walk you through the grieving process. The AD you were on didn't sound right for you. I'm on my 13th AD and finally one that works for me!! There are other natural AD's you could try with less side effects now, like St Johns Wort, Gingko Biloba, sam-e.. others a herbalist/natural medicine place could recommend. My AD has horrible side effects but I stay on it for stability, I'd say if you can avoid ADs I would, unless you are actively suicidal or getting worse by the day (but listen to your GP not me!!) as I've found most AD's are horrible to be on, horrible to try tapering up or down, have horrible rebound effects trying to come off them. In saying that do go by GP advice, they know you best.

try being nice to yourself, relaxing baths, getting a bit of exercise can really help with mood, lots of pampering by DF , eat healthily, all the usual.. lol

Keep posting and let us know how you are doing. Depression is an awful beast.