Introducing myself :)

Hello

Well after reading through several of the posts in this forum I thought I might introduce myself as I think I could really do with some support and hopefully I can support others too.

Following a history of depression (although 10 years ago now) I think I MAYYYYYY have PND with my beautiful 4 month old DS. It's been on the cards so to speak since day dot but it wasn't until a call to the Plunketline today for what must've been the 6 hundreth time that I've REALLY thought that I might just have it - well basically the plunket nurse said in a nice way, "I think you're suffering from PND" to which of course I burst even more into tears.

I guess I summed it all up perfectly when writing in my journal today by saying that I've wanted to be a Mum for sooooooooo long and I guess it just really upsets me that DS is such hard work that I'm sooooo NOT enjoying being a mum and that makes me really sad. Then I get incredibly jealous when I see all my friends with these perfect babies and having such a wonderful time being a Mum and I feel like - why can't I have that too?????

At the risk of sounding like a real moaner and feeling sorry for myself - I do feel like I've been dealt a rough hand: DS has silent reflux which went undiagnosed for 5 weeks, meds help a lot but he is still incredibly hard work and unsettled (cries on and off all day sometimes), he wakes A LOT at night and has recently developed eczema ALL OVER his face which just breaks my heart cos my saving grace on a tough day was just looking at his cute face, now I look at him and feel sorry for him that I haven't figured out how to get rid of the eczema yet!!!!

So I guess that's me in a nutshell. I have good days and bad days like today when I cry non stop.

Would love to hear from anyone and become friends ;)

nice to meet you Speck8. congrats on introducing yourself it is a tough thing to do.

you definitely arent a moaner. I cant imagine how hard that must be. ezcema babies are really hard work especially if they are really itchy. are you bfing ds? if so have you changed anything in your diet around the time he developed the eczema?

if you ever want to talk during the day feel free to pm me or msn/facebook me. my email is amme_eilyk@hotmail.com

Thanks amme_eilyk!!!! It feels so nice to have a friend that understands!!!

And I will def PM you - once I figure out how to do that ;)

Yep am breastfeeding and have been topping up with formula at night. Haven't changed anything in my diet but have decided to cut out dairy from today onwards and am PRAYING that that does the trick!!!

Hi Speck

Just wanted to say Hi back - I had PND with my first boy, you sound so like me at the same point. I use to think the same thing about friends & their babies, that everyone else was so happy, why was I feeling so sh*tty! But I think most mums put on a "brave" face, it is really hard to admit that what is portrayed as a wonderful time, isn't always so wonderful. Particularly if your bub is unwell, slient reflux is very tough, hope the meds help, have you reviewed the dose with Dr? My nephew has reflux, he needs the dose adjusted as he grows, otherwise his symptoms flair up again. Not sure where you are based, but is there any services that could help with practical stuff eg. housework etc...I'm on the shore & we have a organisation called parent port, which helps new mums out with housework etc...
I was adament that I was not having another baby after having Noah, but things did change, so try not to worry about more babies just yet, it is really important that you try to get some help so your mothering experience becomes a more positive time.

2nd time round for me has been a better experience, not without times of anxiety, but not as overwhelming as with DS1.

Really hope you feel better soon, try talking to your Dr, its a big step, but getting help can make you feel more in control.

Take care

Hey guys,

Thanks sooooo much for responding! It truly is so nice to know I'm not the only one out there that is or has struggled. I mean I always knew I wasn't the only one, but I guess I've never communicated with anyone else who's having a tough time, so this forum is a nice place to visit right now!

mummytobesep08 - thanks for your hugs! I have spoken (briefly) to my GP bout possible PND but he pretty much just offered meds without even getting to the bottom of whether I ACTUALLY have it or not so I thought that was a bit sh*t. I did that questionnaire back when DS was about 2 weeks and I scored fairly high, but I also didn't really like the questions as my answers were very dependant on how DS had been that day.

TC747 - it's soooo nice to know that you felt the same way as me. Sometimes I really do feel like I'm the only one. I know that's silly, but unless you know other people who feel the same way it can be easy to feel like everyone else is coping so well and you're the only one that's not. DS is on two capsules of Losec a day for his silent reflux which I understand is a fairly high dose. I have mentioned DS's scratchiness to the doc but he seems to think it's just his temperament ?!?! And that's great that you decided to have another bub and I do hope that I get to that stage too - it's early days so I'm sure I will, not worth thinking about now right.

Anyways - thanks again for the support guys - you don't know how GOOD it makes me feel and feeling good is good right ;) !!!

xxx

clarise.
Other stress can definitely contribute to depression. Its hard to say what getting away for a couple of days would do without knowing dp. Is there someone who can take ds for a while to give you and dp a chance to hang out together stress free without trying to talk? It might help you both relax together and take out a bit of the tension. As hard as it is discussing it is most likely the only way to sort it out, but how to do it and bring it up is the difficult thing without dp feeling attacked.