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Forum LockedHelp!!! 4 year old won't go toilet!

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Rexy View Drop Down
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    Posted: 18 February 2013 at 5:30pm
hi there,

my step son started toilet training at 2 1/2 but still hasn't fully grasped it and has always had accidents. Last couple of weeks he is repeatedly wetting and soiling himself. At first we thought he was too excited and forgot to go, but now he will do it just sitting down eating afternoon tea. Same with soiling. He doesnt even seem to care that he's done it, will happily not tell us and sit in poo for hours.

He gets no attention for an accident, just told to change his pants. We have tried rewards, sticker charts, telling him that he cant play with a certain toy if he wets himself. If we try taking him toilet every half hour, he throws massive tantrums and refuses to go. He cant give me a reason for it and there's no link i can think of with toilets and a bad experience.
I am out of ideas!

has anyone been through this, or have any ideas? Thanks in advance!


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Bizzy View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Bizzy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 February 2013 at 10:13pm
Sounds similar to my boy. We had to just ride it out in the end... Keep reminding him, but maybe do every hour or so. Diane Levy recommends getting them to clean their own undies. It can be so hard to keep calm sometimes though, but he will change eventually. Does he go to kindy or daycare? They may be able to help you as well or give you some ideas.

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SpecialK View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote SpecialK Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 February 2013 at 12:44pm
Doesn't sound like he is truly ready - i'd put him back in nappies for a month or so and then see how he is.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote kidsphotos.co.nz Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 March 2013 at 1:34pm
Woh, sounds tricky. While we never had that exact problem with our our girl (DD? DH? i don't know how that stuff works) did occasionally wet herself even after starting school. Like you she wouldn't tell us, and like you we tried everything. When we spoke to her about it (easier with a 6 year old than a 4 year old) she complained that the school toilets were filthy and she didn't want to use them. She also had some issues with falling down the hole and was just put off. In the end she got over it, but we had to wait.

Are you using a potty or a toilet with insert?
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Rexy View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Rexy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 March 2013 at 8:08pm
He stands up for wees and sits on the bowl for poos, doesnt like the feeling of the seat against the back of his knees. I put him back in nappies at night and I'm using a reward system for poos but wees is hit and miss still. Sometimes he will go, sometimes he packs a paddy about being told to go, sometimes he just sits and wets.
The problem with putting him back into nappies during the day is that he is only a few months off going to school and I don't want him being bullied for still being in nappies. He does the same at daycare, he has the same system for being reminded as he does at home, but more refusal at home. I guess because he has a million pairs of undies and can just change them.
We are getting some input from plunket as it is causing a lot of stress in our house, seeing as he has behavioural issues too.


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kidsphotos.co.nz View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote kidsphotos.co.nz Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 March 2013 at 9:42pm
well i'm not sure what sort of behavioural issues he has and they will affect my next suggestion.

there will be natural consequences when he does it at school. if he doesn't like being teased then he will soon stop (this helped a bit with my daughter) unless there are more serious issues with his internal system or behaviour.

I remember there was a boy at my school when I was young who couldn't feel when his bladder was full. It was a medical issue and could maybe be the case if it doesn't look like a behavioural thing.

Good luck, don't blame yourselves, you'll get it sorted in the end.
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AngieBaby View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote AngieBaby Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 March 2013 at 1:01pm
Sorry just testing my post works from phone :)
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote AngieBaby Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 March 2013 at 1:02pm
And it does
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