VBAC Stories (good or bad)

Hi all. I have had two caesareans. The first birth experience I had was an extremely traumatic one and the second was a failed vbac attempt. I went a week and a half over due with number 2 and I had had contractions on and off for about five days prior to actually going into labour.  By the time I went into labour I was absolutely exhausted from a lack of sleep due to the on and off contractions. Not a good start. As I had been having contractions on and off for a long time and because of my previous caesarean my mw wanted me at the hosp early on so off I went after about 8 hours of being in early labour. I was roughly about 5cm dilated when I got to the hospital. Things then slowed right down due to my son being in a posterior position with his head deflexed and to the side. He was sort of presenting with his brow. Not good. My midwife did AROM but as I had gone overdue my waters had dried up. This made the contractions much stronger though and I found the pain almost unbearable. Due to tiredmess I feel lol. I think If I hadn't been so tired I would have coped with the pain etc a lot better. My mw suggested epidural as things were not looking good. I had the epidural and I mananged to get to 7cm and then struck trouble. My cervix became very swollen on one side and the chance of having my son naturally was impossible. He had not engaged at all before labour and was still sitting very high and due to my swollen cervix I was told that my option was a repeat cs. I was absolutely terrified but I went through with the cs and out came my healthy baby boy! I really struggle with the fact that I cannot have children naturally as I always have wanted about 7 children and cannot stand being stuck in hospital etc etc and the long recovery period after a cs. Plus I hate surgery. I feel so inadequate that I cannot give birth naturally. I also feel like a failure to some degree. This has affected most aspects of my everyday life. I know I should get over it but my feelings have takes n such a hold over me. For those of you ladies out there who did dot get the birth experience that they wanted and have ill feelings about their experience/ experiences deal with them straight away before you end up like me. I know things could have been a lot worse and I know I should be greatful for my healthy boys etc but having a natural birth has taken top priority which I know is so wrong. I have let my feelings get the better of me and I don't know how to feel any different. So please deal with your feelings before they get the better of you and good luck to you all for future births!