In-laws

I'm having a major dilemma with my in-laws. They live in Australia and want to be here and stay with us the week after the birth.

Its our first child, so I've no idea how I'm going to cope or react to having a baby. My mother in law keeps saying she isn't going to wait to fly over, and wants us to ring her when we go into labour and she'll fly straight over. She has now agreed (after my husband saying no) to wait a week, but I still feel I need longer, who knows how long I'll be in hospital etc for.

Its really hard as I know its all she has ever wanted. My husband doesn't want to hurt her but has told her to stay away. She has agreed to one week, but I know as soon as the baby is born she'll book and will be here with in a few days.

I feel like I'm going to lash out at her when she is here as I'll be hormonal as heck.

Am I being unreasonable to ask her to wait two weeks? I feel uncomfrotable telling her in person but my husband is feeling stuck in the middle and so is now refusing to tell her as she has agreed to a 'week'. What makes it worse is I find out last night its not just the mother in law, its the father and the brother in law too!!!

Help???

I agree with lou in asking if they could stay somewhere else. Then at least you can get some time out in your own house rather than being smothered by the in-laws 24/7.

Personally I fell apart right when Hannah was 6 days old, (Oh, and 3 days too ) but it was shortlived and as I was living with my family my Mum took Hannah and gave me a chance to get a few hours sleep. It was a god send! If they could do the same thing maybe there would be an advantage to having them there, but it does take a whole lot of trust to let your newborn baby be cared for by someone else.

When they do arrive you need to be firm with them about when it is time for your baby and/or you to sleep. Visitors get carried away and don't seem to realise that it is most often the Mother who has to deal with the consequences of a very tired baby.

Good luck I'm sure you'll cope fine. Atleast they live in another country

You may need to insist they stay somewhere else!?  That way they could just come and visit during the day, spend time with their grandchild and help you out etc.  Maybe it could be the compromise?

Then you can set some boundaries and stay a little more in control.  Say to them, you can't come over before 09:30 in the morning and you must leave by 7:30 each night.  Then you and your husband will have time out together, but hopefully your MIL will help out during the day and by 1930 when she leaves your dinner will have been cooked for you, all the dishes done and the housework up to date! 

I know how you feel about your husband being in the middle and not wanting to tell her that she should stay away for two weeks. My Hubby is constantly worried about his mum's feelings......

I think you should talk to her and tell her how you feel and say though it would be lovely to have you here, I would really like some time to bond with the baby, as this is our first and I dont know how I would feel. Your MIL is a mum and I am sure (well hope) that she understands.

You are lucky they live out of the country, my MIL likes to control every thing and will be all over my baby...But I am the mum and I will decide what I need and the baby needs. Some times you just have to stop worrying about others and think of your self....Wow this was a long post!!!

Good luck!

I was incredibly luckily, my MIL came down from Levin when my second was two weeks and she was superb. I was really worried about interference and the usual "when I had my children I" etc, but she was the best. She helped look after my older boy and helped with cooking, washing and housework, I was actually quite sad to see her go. Then when I had the C-Section with abby I knew she was dying to come down but she waited for 6 weeks to give me a chance to recover. Then when she did it was the same. I am very lucky in that department though, hubby has a wonderful family, and my mother in law is like a second mum to me. My advice is be honest with her. This is you and your hubby's time not theirs. However you might be pleasently suprised

I don't have parents-in-law (don't know if thats a good or a bad thing ) they both passed away before Maya was born, but my Mum came to stay for a week after I had Maya and it was a godsend. She did all the washing, cooking and cleaning and just let me settle into a routine and get to know Maya. I remember being terrified when she left that I would never be able to cope on my own, but strangely enough I did lol. She lives in Australia too and was supposed to come when I got out of hospital but she couldn't wait and flew over the same day Maya was born. I rang her at 9am to say I'd had the baby and she was there on the midnight flight. Because I had such a long labour (2 1/2 days) she had a bit of notice, but my Dad was even trying to pressure her to come over when I was in labour and be there for the birth.
I guess it depends on what sort of relationship you have with you m-i-l and if you think she will be overbearing and bossy. If so, I definitely agree that she should wait a while, and stay somewhere else togive you some space, but if you think she might be helpful with housework and stuff then it might not be so bad.