Jealousy

Azza I can't help but wonder if your DH was trying to suppress his grief by offering the baby clothes elsewhere, and perhaps he appears insensitive but deep down he just doesn't know what to do... have you both had counselling? Even though my DH was sympathetic and upset as well, he admitted it was the best thing we did the day after my D&C of my 3rd mc (at 13 weeks, baby died at 10 weeks so I saw her and found out what sex she was from the foetal testing) because he felt like he got 'permission' from the counsellor to feel the way that we did, especially him, he didn't have to be the 'tough guy', yes he was allowed to grieve.

I too have a SIL who is 4 weeks more ahead of me in pg than I would be, and she is the most supportive one of all as she has had an mc too. She already has twins through IVF, it's a miracle that at 41 she has conceived again naturally. So I am truly happy for her, but when I see her I just think that she is FAT! That gets me through it!

My other SIL has a baby thru IVF but she never had trouble with mc's etc. Her baby was born 2 weeks prior to my 3rd mc, and I was the first person to visit her in hospital as I was so excited for her! But... It was revealed a month ago that she and my MIL (who I thought was a good friend and understood what we were going through) had been bitching behind my back about how selfish I was that I was making my SIL feel guilty for having a baby (gawd knows where or how they got that idea cause I haven't been in touch as I just can't be around a newborn right now!)... and that I should have visited, should have helped my SIL more, and we are dividing the family by not attending family dinners etc - I have had 3 mc's in the past 18 months and when you see your baby on that big screen, dead, well your heart just breaks, and it's something you never get over.

We had it thrown at us from MIL that 'so and so have also had mc's' - my reply was 'yes but they have children now, we don't, we just keep on mc'ing'... it's like banging my head against a brick wall though!

But we are supposed to be over it now... we told them what we thought of that and it has made us retreat into ourselves even more... hubby's family is close - but TOO close I think - too nosey and assuming.

We have been apologised to, tail between the legs stuff, but a month on I just feel so strange about it still. Like the people I trusted and love have really shat on me and I just can't get that love and trust back. It became apparent through this that I suffer anxiety attacks and am now on Fluox from this week and thankfully I am feeling heaps better after 4 days of it - oh the joys of not sweating the small stuff!

I saw a really good saying on a blackboard outside a petrol station today - 'grief has no time... so give time Time'. How appropriate for so many of us...

Edited by MaebeeBaby

You are allowed to rant 1stMum, that's what we are here for...

Oh poop lemongirl - if I were you I would tell them before the dinner party! Or just let them fawn over her and you drink a mouthful of wine with every nicety... by the time you read this it will be all over and I hope you got through it okay.

BIG hugs to you

Edited by MaebeeBaby

The evening was excruciating. It was all baby this, birth that, baby this. I had to leave the room a couple of times and go and cry.

Then DP had the audacity to say when I said how hard
i found the evening, 'well she can't not come over just because she's pregnant'

Gah! How can he not get it? It's the fact that our due date is exactly the same. So I get a permaent reminder of what might have been.

lemongirl, why did you keep the m/c from your parents? i'm sure that if you told them they would be a little more understanding about your situation and provide you some repreive yes?

Anyway, i'm sorry about your night babe, I really do understand. My SIL is pregnant and just discovered that she is having a girl due April. My baby girl would have been born end of Jan.

I have been reading through these posts and thinking about how incredibly complex a miscarriage is! As if the horror of your hoped for baby ceasing to exist isn't enough, we have to keep facing infinite related problems!

I hope your DP can gain some insight into how you are feeling lemongirl. Also I am TTC and I don't love to hate you! :) I think you have been through heaps and are brave.

Thanks for the book suggestion MaebeeBaby.