Post natal dep?

Maybe im just being silly.....i dont no, i feel like im getting worse, i have had a problem with depression before, i have a rocky relationship with partner, i love my girl she is my world my everything nd woudnt no wat to do without her, before i would make jokes about the way i was feeling, like she loves her daddy more then mummy always wants her dad he can do evrything beter then me, it seems m feelins hav gotton worse n worse, i feel like i want to leav n nevr come back leave her with her dad coz he can do everything i can better, he can teach her more then me provide a good life n income i can hardly afford anything and he has told me this many times, i keep getting so mad at her n cant handle looking after her afterwards i feel silly, but when she being so naught i just want to smack her then feel so guilty coz i never want to raise her the way i was n never want to smack, i was smacked and it just comes into my head she being naughty smack her! this prob sounds bad im not actuly smackin her just feelin like want to.
i feel so hideos, stupid, usless, bf dont help he calls me tupid nearly evryday, n says if i didnt act so stupid he wudnt hav to call me it, tried tellin him he jus makes me feel wrose, but i hav noticed i am quite dumb, im alwasy forgetin stuff or askin same question again, cant remember half my school stuff, he also said if i dnt want u then no1 will, an thats tru too, my mum has always cared about herself n her bf's, same wit my sis, i dont hav any friends, i hav nothing, i cnt even do anythign wit my furtue like study coz im so stupid n dont no! i just look n da mirror n hate wat i c, n think i cant change coz its who i am n always been, n whats worse is jumped on pc this morning n found a website that i thought bf deleted ages ago.....looking for girls n wanting to meet up with them, all these hot skinny blondes ect, everytime we tlkd about this n past he dismisses it n says my fault for making him do it, i cant handle this n dnt no wat to do! my bodys never goingbak after havin my girl, i cnt be a hot girl anymore! i was bringing kaylah her lunch n droped it n her drink all over the floor n got so mad n cried, some1 to tlk to? some1 to help? i dont no....

Couldn't read and run here either.  I thought I would read through a few posts before placing my own. 

You really need your partner / OH to be supportive right now.  I way I read your post, I believe he is being emotionally abusive.  There is no place for name calling or belittling someone within a relationship.  You need to find someone you trust and can talk openly to - whether it be a family member, doctor, counsellor, religious person etc.

I'm not surprised you are forgetting things sometimes - it happens to all of us after having a baby (believe me!) - but the amount of stress you must be living under doesn't help your concentration. 

Have you thought about taking a trip to WINZ?  The reason I ask is that you can find out about various options they have available for domestic purposes, studying, childcare etc.  I recently applied for a childcare subsidy, and I was surprised at just how many other benefits/subsidies were available.  It's just handy information to have up your sleeve for future reference, no matter what you decide to do.

Don't worry Armybabe they won't take your daughter away from you just for seeking help.  I had my own mental health issues, and there was no question of that ever happening - just they wanted to know what support they could offer to help.  You sound like a very tuned in Mum to your little girl. 

Check out Relationship Services - you may be entitled to free or discounted counselling.  Your name makes reference to the Army - do you have access to any Army padres by chance?  I was in the military and used the padres for support and they were excellent.  I'm sure you would be entitled if you are the partner of a military person. 

Please don't just accept your partner's behaviour as you think you have nothing else to fall back on.  (I know this is really hard).  Is your partner taking advantage of the fact that he knows you don't have much other support?  If he's not worth it, you'll often find new doors open after old ones are shut.  Of course these things are not an easy decision for you to make, and you know your situation best.