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0mrs0ana0 
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Joined: 22 November 2009
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 Topic: What now?
Posted: 06 May 2012 at 9:11pm |
I'm at a total loss, I still feel numb, I don't know how to move forward. I don't feel anything. I don't feel sad, upset, or happy ... I do feel really unsettled like I don't know where life is taking me now.
One day I'm saying to DH that there is no way we are ever going to TTC again, the next moment I'm thinking about when we should start to consider TTC.
I ended up having a D&C on Thursday, after 2 weeks of bleeding, I felt physically exhausted, the EPC nurse suggested I was actually emotionally struggling and it was manifesting itself physically, which does make alot of sense. I feel alot better within myself now that it's over, instead of waiting, waiting, waiting.
It's like I'm not allowing myself to grieve or heal, but mostly because I don't know how. I just don't know
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 May 2012
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tigger,roo
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Joined: 20 March 2011
Location: temuka
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Posted: 07 May 2012 at 1:28pm |
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hugs - with 1 of my mc it took a few weeks to be able to cry, i ended up going out 4 the day with a friend and cried 4 hours on end when i got home. every loss is diff and you will grieve when u are ready.
google inspired by jack and william - they are lovely ladies who will support u and let u vent at the same time.
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Angels - March'11, Nov '10, May '10
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Kellz
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Joined: 01 January 1900
Location: Gisborne
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Posted: 07 May 2012 at 6:02pm |
Big  . Be easy on yourself,...give yourself a lot more time! I was an emotional roller coaster like this too, and it helped to talk on here to others that were going through the same thing.
Now 8 weeks on Im tonnes better and everything is much clearer and Im happy and calm and back to normal. Physcally its taken me a long time to recover- I had iron infusion and blood transfusion and have struggled with exhaustion,...but Im almost fully better from that now too.
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redtulip
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Joined: 24 July 2011
Location: West Auckland
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Posted: 07 May 2012 at 6:21pm |
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Hi mrs ana,
Sorry to hear of your loss.
With both of my mc I had a D&C and I felt relieved to have the physical side taken care of. If only there were a procedure to heal ourselves emotionally too! I'm not sure of what advice to offer sorry, except to say that what you are going through sounds very much the same as my experiences... so I'm sure that makes us normal! I think its very natural to switch between never wanting to TTC and wanting to... its a very emotionally charged time for you.
The grief will come when it's time - who knows when that might be, but when it does just go with it... and just remember that as time goes by things will get easier.
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5 wee Angels - Always in our hearts - Aug '11, Feb '12, Aug '12, Feb '13, Aug '13
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Mintyfresh
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Posted: 29 May 2012 at 11:59pm |
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Mrs Ana methinks I know you from weddings.
I am so sorry to read these posts - I didn't have any idea that you were going through this, although I knew you had miscarried :(
It is not uncommon to feel the way you were (and possibly still are?) after each of my losses I tell DH that that's that and we're not trying again, usually I change my mind half an hour later and then 10 or more times in the next 24 hours.
You have to remember that your body has a bunch of hormones and they're all a bit mixed up, I think of a miscarriage like being pregnant, in a car crash and then going to a funeral - one of those will make you a bit hormonal or emotional, two will have a large effect, three will push you to the brink.
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kelzie_rose
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Joined: 13 January 2010
Location: North Shore
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Posted: 30 May 2012 at 9:58am |
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Oh hun, I've been through this. Just feeling like you're wandering around aimlessly. I had to have a d&c with my second miscarriage, it was horrible.
Big hugs hun xx
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 Started TTC Apr 2008 With PCOS and a bicornuate uterus Our angel babies Jan 2010 <3 Oct 2010 <3 Apr 2011 <3
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0mrs0ana0
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Joined: 22 November 2009
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Posted: 05 June 2012 at 1:06pm |
*waves* Hi Mintyfresh 
I find it somewhat easier to be honest how I'm really feeling when I'm (slightly) more anonymous, IYKWIM.
I do feel a bit of a fraud, because we already have one gorgeous little girl and I've only had 1 miscarriage.
It's funny how you don't allow yourself to feel because you don't feel entitled?
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May 2012
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pikelets
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Posted: 05 June 2012 at 8:15pm |
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I understand what you mean. I have a 4 year old and am so thankful! I feel awful thinking that way when some people can't even have one and think why should I be entitled to another one. It's a weird feeling.
We had problems getting pregnant with DS and I use to wish all the time "please please just let me have one, please"......now I wish I could have another.....
I would love another child so he doesn't grow up alone as I am an only child (sort of - its complicated!) and I know what it is like to not have a lot of family and don't wish that for him, especially after we have gone.
Alot of the way you feel is how myself and others on this thread feel so you are not alone. It can be a unsettling, confusing time. Time will help heal. I spoke to a family member about it when I had my first MC and at that stage she had had 3 or 4. I remember asking her how she can keep trying, I was devastated and didn't want to ever go through that again, but time does heal. My advice though, is make sure you are ready before TTC again. I know after my last MC in Dec, I had to wait a few months before I could think about trying again as I was so scared of getting PG!
All the best to you (sorry this has got really long).
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3 Angels - Dec10 / Mar11 / Dec11
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redtulip
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Posted: 05 June 2012 at 9:32pm |
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As someone who doesn't have children and has m/c'd I just wanted to say don't feel a fraud. Yes, I definately think people with kids are very lucky - but I would hate to think you feel you have any less cause or right to feel sad than I did/do.
I remember my crappy ex-GP saying to DH and I with our 1st m/c "at least it wasn't planned"... (firstly, we had planned...) but even more importantly, it made me realise that that wasn't the point - if we had other kids or not, had planned or not - our baby was loved and wanted.
You are more than entitled to feel and show whatever emotions help you through- your not a fraud at all.
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5 wee Angels - Always in our hearts - Aug '11, Feb '12, Aug '12, Feb '13, Aug '13
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What now?