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Jess212652 View Drop Down
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    Posted: 08 August 2016 at 12:57pm
Please help I had a miscarriage 3 days ago my partner acts like he doesn't care told me I'm to pretend it didn't happen and he getting
Sick of my bringing it up all I want to do is cry I have a shower and sit in the bottom and just cry and cry
I have a 6 year old to a previous relationship and I don't want to show him I am upset so I don't
It's hard to try be happy all the time it hurts and I really don't think my partner wants to be with me anymore he shows me no affection no hugging no touching no nothing, he doesn't want to do anything with my son and myself he won't do anything as a family he stays in the bedroom when he is at home and won't come out his ex wife contacted him before I was pregnant and told him not to have a baby with me and then when I found out I was pregnant she came into my work as if she wanted to see for herself who and what I was she will be over the moon happy about this loss and I just don't like her for saying not to have a child with me I'm confused and worried my relationship is over please anyone help!
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MountTaylor View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MountTaylor Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 August 2016 at 7:34pm
Jess, i feel you, my husband really struggled after our MC's. He wanted me to move on and not "sulk" (his word). They have a different way of processing which totally doesn't help. You are so early into this journey of grief, he is too, for the sake of your relationship don't make assumptions just yet, just accept that you are both grieving and struggling to communicate on the same wave length. It will be hard, there is no denying it, all there is to do is give it time. I realised in the end that I think I was expecting my husband to come 100% to the party in terms of supporting me and understanding... but in the way that I wanted him to not in the way that he was able. His contribution was to continue on and be stable for both of us. We are two very different people with very different coping mechanisms. That is healthy, a balance is what will help you get through it. Find a friend or two who you can have a cry with, or vent on here, but try not to project your feelings of grief and hardship on your relationship. That doesn't mean you cannot talk to him about it if that is what you need. You can survive this as can your relationship, it is not your relationship that is broken, it is your heart.
TTC#2 - 3rd Letrozole cycle since MC
MC + D&C after SCH - 9w3d March 16
Four letrozole cycles - Oct 2015 - Jan 2016
MC - 8 weeks - October 2015
First beautiful baby girl - born Nov 2014
Miscarriage
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antheawren View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote antheawren Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 August 2016 at 9:38am
I'm o sorry for your loss honey xxx loosing a Baby is one of the hardest things to go through! Come on here and talk to us be we will help any way you can!

As to your relationship how was it before you fell pregnant ? I guess I think differently to mount in that I don't care how much he could be hurting he needs to be there to support you and love you! Speaking to you like that is unacceptable!


Miscarriage 5 1/2 weeks Nov 14
Miscarriage 6 weeks September 15
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MountTaylor View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MountTaylor Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 August 2016 at 10:59am
Yes, but I think it is easy for us to forget that it is not only us who are hurting and have suffered a loss but the men too. We just think it is our loss more because it is our body. They will feel even less in control than we do because they absolutely have no way of doing anything. Just be kind to yourself Jess, and give it some time before you m question your relationship (anthem does have a point though, I don't know how strong the relationship was beforehand)
TTC#2 - 3rd Letrozole cycle since MC
MC + D&C after SCH - 9w3d March 16
Four letrozole cycles - Oct 2015 - Jan 2016
MC - 8 weeks - October 2015
First beautiful baby girl - born Nov 2014
Miscarriage
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Misstoughiepants View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Misstoughiepants Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 August 2016 at 3:40pm
Thanks lady's ur words have been amazing to hear I have spoken to him a little and he now doesn't want to try again as he said its so much hurt if things go wrong again I do understand his point he always asked if we could adopted a child as he said there are so many kids out there looking for a family home he said which we could offer them I no my partner has a heart of gold just a really sh*tty way of showing it some times
I have turned my hurt into working out and making myself feel better I guess.
I had scan today and have to go and have surgery to remove the rest of products as they say which is such a long hard process.
But have been able to speck to my partner has made things a little better my 6 year old is really playing up at the moment to and pushing my buttons I'm wondering if that's becoz he no something is up and just trying to see how far he can push?
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Misstoughiepants View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Misstoughiepants Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 August 2016 at 3:44pm
My relationship before hand was great he has helped me with my son as he was at the time undignosed adhd he helped me thru this time when I had done it for four years on my own and thought there was no way out now he is dignosed and on treatment he is so much easier to handle and I can't thank my partner enough for that I wouldn't fault our relationship before this we never fought it was more bickering to see who had the last word but since this has happened it's a total 360
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MountTaylor View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MountTaylor Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 August 2016 at 3:59pm
feelings change and change again so much in the few months following a miscarriage, it really is just all about time. I felt mentally a bit more at ease after my D&C - that's not to say I still didn't struggle for a little while after that which is fine too. Fingers crossed it brings you some closure too.
TTC#2 - 3rd Letrozole cycle since MC
MC + D&C after SCH - 9w3d March 16
Four letrozole cycles - Oct 2015 - Jan 2016
MC - 8 weeks - October 2015
First beautiful baby girl - born Nov 2014
Miscarriage
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Misstoughiepants View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Misstoughiepants Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 August 2016 at 4:05pm
Thank you xx
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NzVeggie View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote NzVeggie Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 August 2016 at 4:51pm
My husband wasn't very supportive after our first. He was ok for the first week but then he moved on. I must say though the second and third one hit him hard. Even I didn't realise until he cried with relief when we saw the heartbeat for our 4th pregnancy. Suddenly I realised they have a different processing mechanism - and for some it is to pretend nothing happened. Look after yourself and find a good friend to vent to!

Angel babies July '13, November '13 and June '14
Baby girl born 26/06/15
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