Am I normal, or is there something wrong?
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Support
Forum Name: Living with Post Natal Depression
Forum Description: Around one in ten NZ mothers will be diagnosed with PND in the first year of their babies life. Find support and encouragement and share ideas for coping here.
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=34557
Printed Date: 09 May 2024 at 5:38am
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 12.05 - http://www.webwizforums.com
Topic: Am I normal, or is there something wrong?
Posted By: minik8e
Subject: Am I normal, or is there something wrong?
Date Posted: 07 July 2010 at 12:14am
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I've been lurking in this section for quite a while, but never posted. It's made me think a lot though. I don't know if the way that I feel is normal feelings, or otherwise. I did the Edinburgh test and scored 15, but I think...nah I'm not depressed, what do I have to be depressed about. The girls sleep through the night, and always have done. They eat what they're supposed to, grow like they're supposed to, don't get sick much, we don't have many problems with teething - they're just, in general, really cruisy girls.....so why do I feel like this? I am so angry all the time, and on one hand I feel like they'd actually be better off without me, but on the other, hmmm... And I don't feel that "connected" to them...sure, they're gorgeous, and they're my kids, but they're just 2 more babies. I am not a "natural" mum, by any means, but the girls seem happy enough with me, and I seem to be their #1.
I have a full plate, I work part-time, and am studying full-time as well (although I have just failed my last 3 papers  ) as well as looking after the girls and usually the house as well (and making all decisions for the girls, even if DH is looking after them). DH and I are having problems, or rather, I am having problems really, and single parenting may be an option in the future.
I dunno. Am I normal, are these feelings normal?? Sometimes I don't know. Sorry, I had to finally get it out, because I'm not sure anymore. |
Replies:
Posted By: Lexidore
Date Posted: 07 July 2010 at 12:51am
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Hey hun
I can't offer a lot of advice but wanted to offer hugs! And an ear if you ever need to talk xo ------------- 
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Posted By: mummy_becks
Date Posted: 07 July 2010 at 8:24am
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I know how you feel, I have been there. Next time you see me on FB hit me up and we can have a chat. ------------- I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived! |
Posted By: High9
Date Posted: 07 July 2010 at 9:05am
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This is a lot like how I have been feeling lately. Just angry and pissed off and I have no idea why! I absolutely love my girl to bits but all of a sudden I feel like I've lost my connection and I don't know why
Like your girls, Lily is a cruisy girl. No problems really, although maybe my problems started when I had to start cutting stuff out of my diet in order to continue happily breastfeeding her... I think feeling angry etc all the time is definitely taking it's toll on dp and I's relationship he keeps asking me why I feel like this and I have no answer! Motherhood is everything I expected it to be, I knew there would be sleepless nights... I knew I wouldn't get that much me time. I guess what I never really factored in was the fact I would be stuck at home most of the time, and more so because I can't drive. I don't know if these feelings are normal or not but I told my feb 10 girls and they thought possibly pnd and going to speak to my doctor so maybe that is a possibility for you too? I haven't gone yet because I keep putting it off in the hope something will change... But that hasn't happened yet... I just don't get why all of a sudden I feel like this, 4 months down the track when the first 3 months were great, I was happy, smiling, laughing, playing with my baby happily... Knew all her needs... She's still happy so why have I changed? Sorry to make it a me-me post. ETA: Just did the test you mentioned above and scored 22. 
Also, like you I think what do I have to be depressed about? I may be young, but I was never like my friends - into heavy drinking and going out partying/clubbing. Sure I drink but not for fun or for getting smashed. I did have mild depression as a teen, but I thought I had got over that...
Life is great, or so I thought. I have all the support I could ever need and then some. I'm not dirt poor, Lily never goes without... But what's missing?! ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: LouD
Date Posted: 07 July 2010 at 9:55am
| have a quick look at my thread on SAD........its becoming quite apparent theres alot more sufferers than first thought, it could be you?? |
Posted By: minik8e
Date Posted: 07 July 2010 at 9:58am
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I did read it Lou, but I've been feeling this way for quite a while (as in, before autumn even)....just never said anything.
Nic - my girls are almost 11 months old now, and I've been feeling this way since they were about....4-5 months old?? |
Posted By: High9
Date Posted: 07 July 2010 at 10:04am
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I don't think mine is seasonal either tbh. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: escadachic
Date Posted: 07 July 2010 at 10:08am
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I almost tend to think with babies, there can be like a honeymoon period. Where everything is going well and all is fine and it seems to just flow and then reality just really hits and these feelings just pop up all of a sudden. I too have a well behaved baby, who sleeps well and is really easy. I so know about things affecting your relationship with DF/DH/DP. I often lately feel like he would be better off without me. I know he doesn't get how to deal with a depressed person. I know my 6 1/2 yr olds behaviour doesn't help though. So I'd say those feelings that you are feeling are normal enough, at least with us ladies on here. I guess maybe chat to your GP and see what he/she thinks. -------------   
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Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 07 July 2010 at 1:36pm
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i had a chat to my doc about mine and mine was PND but they can be just normal too..for me being stuck at home and not feeling in control and feeling guilty about not enjoying being at home like i thought i would all contributed.. with Ethan i was so in love with him but i would look at him and think oh that's right you are mine.. but i guess i was used to being slightly distant cause i looked after under 2's for a job too..
my relationship went downhill too partly cause DH was like..you arent depressed? and also cause he;s hard to communicate with.. I've read some of your posts about DH and I can see how that situation makes things much harder for you too.. we have begun spending time with just us when bub is asleep and trying hard to try to see things from each others point of view(which is hard)!!! anyway i think the feelings can be normal but can also end in PND/depression so if you feel comfortable I would talk to your doc about it to see what they think... ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: coopersmum
Date Posted: 07 July 2010 at 4:21pm
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Hi ladies,
Just a quick note that might help you out.. The best thing I read while I was trying to figure out if I had PND was that alot of ladies mentioned once they accepted they had PND and were on meds, they felt soo much better, and didn't realise just how crap they were feeling till they were well again. That was my main motivation to get to the Dr and talk about it. Although I did book and cancel appt few times first, and changed GPs to see someone with a better understanding of meds and pnd its self. Goodluck! And try not to feel too guilty about feeling this way with fantastic kids, I understand, haven't got anything to complain about here! Kids sleeping through, daytime sleeps, good behaviour but PND still lurks.. |
Posted By: palomino
Date Posted: 07 July 2010 at 6:04pm
| I was similar in the fact i didnt think what i had was pnd because i 'didnt have it that bad' and i didnt seek help until DS was over a year. Once i was on the meds again (used to be on them pre baby) i realised that what i had been feeling wasnt normal as such and life was a lot better for everyone, even though i didnt think my actions were effecting anyone. |
Posted By: coopersmum
Date Posted: 07 July 2010 at 6:14pm
| Well said HUNTD... I think everyone thinks that! |
Posted By: ElfsMum
Date Posted: 07 July 2010 at 6:19pm
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yes very well said..it's nice to see we arent alone! ------------- Mum to two amazing boys! |
Posted By: minik8e
Date Posted: 07 July 2010 at 11:07pm
| Thanks ladies. I might have a chat to my GP and see what he thinks, even if he can help me come up with ways of dealing with life as it is at the moment. |
Posted By: myfullhouse
Date Posted: 08 July 2010 at 10:20am
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I didn't see my GP about PND until Jack was about 2.5yrs and I had PND pretty much from the start I think. I just felt so much better once I had talked with him.
I was initially opposed to going on meds and he arranged some counselling for me which I think really helped as I was able to work out why I felt the way I did. I have a need to do everything properly/correctly and Jack wasn't/isn't a text book baby and I struggled with trying to do everything the way I thought I should be doing it as he wouldn't co-operate. My expectations of how well I should be doing as a Mum weren't being met. There were a few others things behind it but the counselling helped me see that I was doing a good job and it didn't matter if it wasn't text book, it helped me relax and enjoy life more. Everyone commented on how much happier I seemed. A few months later I did end up going on meds and that made things even better. I still have my bad days but bad days just like everyone else. My relationship with DH has been alot better as well as he bore the brunt of the PND (although it is being tested again as we have his parents staying with use for the week!  )
I suppose what I am trying to say is that there are various reasons for having PND, not just having a 'difficult' child. Including the fact that you have a hell of a lot on your plate Minik8e!! That must make for a very busy time and stretching yourself pretty thin. I would suggest just going to see your Dr or calling MMH if you prefer. Have a chat to someone and I would suggest counselling as well as meds. I don't know about your relationship with your DH but you may find that getting this sorted may help it. Good luck and there are heaps of us here to talk to, support and help! ------------- Lindsey 
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Posted By: LittleBug
Date Posted: 08 July 2010 at 1:43pm
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I'm in the same boat as those who didn't realise how bad it was until things got better on meds.
I also thought "what have I got to be depresed about?" and thought that because there was no good reason, then I must just need to suck it up. PND doesn't work like that though. I think that it's probably more than just a "down patch" if it's been going on for months. If you just felt down for a week or so, then I would say give it more time... but since you've been feeling that way for a while, I would go and talk to your GP. I found that being a mum was a lot more fun once the meds had kicked in (it's not instant, but a few months down the track) and now I am a totally different person, mood wise. I still have my bad days (doesn't everyone?) but I am coping. 
Big hugs! ------------- Chloe (4 years) and Oliver (3 years). |
Posted By: anon
Date Posted: 08 July 2010 at 8:06pm
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I haven't read through all the replies but your Edinburgh scores are quite high. There are heaps of factors as to why you get PND. Sometimes it has nothing to do with whether or not you have a cruisy baby. TBH - my baby is brilliant. He sleeps well and feeds pretty well and is pretty happy. We have a good connection. I did have major breastfeeding problems for the first 4-6wks but once I was through that it was cruisy. However, I had loads of risk factors (which I knew about before having DS):
- I have a history of depression and mental illness (depression) in one member of my family - I had a very difficult labour - I had stress during my pregnancy including a few health issues - I had marital problems and still do - I had financial problems and still do - I had feeding problems - Have very little support including family support - I had a long period of baby blues - about a week and then I "made myself" stop crying I also had the type of personality that puts me at risk of PND - likes to be in control of things, don't adapt well (ie. I fall apart a bit if Plan A doesn't work out...instead of going with the flow). So when my expectations weren't met I didn't cope well. Also I'm a big people person and love to be out - so I find it very difficult being at home with a baby a lot of the time. Of course, there are other risk factors and some people have none of them and it's just the hormones that set them off. You really don't have to have a difficult baby or a baby with reflux/colic etc. to have PND. PND normally arises after the 3mth mark - and up to 2yrs after the birth. Often mothers don't pick up on it and the first few months is really just survival. In your situation (both of you that mentioned high Edinburgh scale scores), I would speak to your GP and if you feel it's too early to go on medication, I would see a counsellor. I saw a counsellor first, but eventually I had to go to the GP because it just got worse. ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
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Posted By: hcsmum
Date Posted: 08 July 2010 at 8:38pm
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I scored 25.
But then I was thoroughly aware that I have PND. I've had it since DS was born (now 3) I had mitigating factors previously having depression, a LOT of stress during my pregnancy with him, financial stress, insomnia basically the whole shebang. Now that DD is here, I'm thinking that I need to go and seriously talk to my doctor, I don't want to go to the one that I normally go to, I want to go to the other doctor in the practice lol. I'm basically agoraphobic, I'm scared of people as well, it's not a nice combination. But if it makes you feel any better, when you come down in september, I'll hunt you out and we can have a sob into our wine/beer at conference
And the night before if we can wrangle everyone else into a OB meet up too :) |
Posted By: minik8e
Date Posted: 08 July 2010 at 9:22pm
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Tehehehe that sounds like a plan Huntersmummy!!! I am going down on the Friday too so it would be pretty cool!!!
I have risk factors newlywed, and we were a little aware of them...I have a history of depression, as do other members of my family. I had a very stressful pregnancy - not just because it was twins, but when I was 17w pregnant DH broke his leg and was off work for 4 months, yes he was on ACC but that doesn't pay so well, and I had to finish work at 28w because I couldn't walk due to SPD basically. That was on top of the GD, severe swelling and fluid retention and also severe heartburn which medication didn't help with. I then had premature labour, and my girls never BF (which I don't have a problem with, in the slightest). I am going to ring and make an appointment with the doctor tomorrow, so will probably see him next week. |
Posted By: hcsmum
Date Posted: 08 July 2010 at 9:49pm
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Made a thread just for you
http://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=34604&PN=1 - Thread for MiniK8e |
Posted By: High9
Date Posted: 12 July 2010 at 9:38am
Based on your list... I have a slight history of depression, even though I tried to take my life when I was younger it was only mild depression. Didn't have a difficult birth or pregnancy for that matter, although I was in a lot of pain from gall stones and migraines. Some problems with DP. Some money problems too. No feeding problems. More support than I need. Never had the baby blues! When dp leaves the house is when it goes down hill for me, Lily will just start crying when I look at her and completely won't smile for me, but if anyone else is there she will, she won't even coo for me anymore? Almost like she see's my smile is fake or something
I have to take her to get her 5 month jabs in about a weeks time so will book in to see the doctor too, I guess my main worry is what dp will think, and I know that is just so stupid but it really worries me that he will be disappointed or angry. The other thing is I am the only on in my family to ever have depression. So they all won't understand. When the doctor said I had mild depression all I got told was "I have nothing to be depressed about and it's all in your head."
I just want to be happy and enjoy my baby like I used to be able to, I can't even cry anymore I just feel emotionless. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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newlywed wrote:Posted By: amme_eilyk
Date Posted: 21 July 2010 at 12:14pm
| hugs to both of you minik8 and nicole. I have no history of depression in my family so although they are trying to understand they just dont get it. feeling the guilt (I dont have it as bad as some people do with their lives) is part of depression unfortunately. Once you make up your mind to do something about it you generally feel that little bit better. It is really hard and it does put a lot of pressure on your dh and sometimes other family members. It is a struggle to get myself out of bed in the morning or do anythign round the house he is more like a parent than a husband at the moment. I just did my edinburgh score and it was 24. I have prenatal depression, and have been suffering from nausea and vomitting but all i can think is I dont have it as bad as those who are in hospital with it, how on earth do they cope, and what is wrong with me since I am not coping. |
Posted By: High9
Date Posted: 21 July 2010 at 12:38pm
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It's funny, I cancelled my appointment to the doctors, although that's not the funny part and in fact I don't think any of my post will be funny, but I've found making myself busy and now that we've started a class at playcentre that I am feeling a bit happier and wondering if I should still go to the doctor or not
I posted something in the "what dumb thing" thread about my family, and I think I may have had a tiny bit of prenatal depression in regards to the way my dp was acting and my family was reacting, I found myself sitting in my room crying almost daily unless I was out spending some money trying to feel better and then when I got home I would cry about wasting money. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: amme_eilyk
Date Posted: 21 July 2010 at 12:46pm
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I would say that there is no harm in going to the doctor, in fact its probably a good thing as they have tons of information they can give you, like tips on what to do if your having a bad day.
Its a bit hypocritical of me as I am thinking of cancelling my doctors appointment for tomorrow which I made yesterday when I was having a really bad day, but I am going to force myself to go as I know I really need to. |
Posted By: High9
Date Posted: 21 July 2010 at 12:49pm
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I encourage you to go. But they yeah I canceled my appointment... So not a great example. I guess I will wait for another bad day then do something about it... Which is stupid. ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: coopersmum
Date Posted: 21 July 2010 at 1:18pm
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Noooo Lil_Nic9!!! Make another appt and GO!!!! Although I did the samething..
But honestly I'm sure everyone on here will tell you we all try to pin it on something else. For me was, Ive got mastitis, tummy bug, lack of sleep.. Till finally I went, and I haven't looked back!! You will wonder why you didn't do it sooner, promise!! Goodluck |
Posted By: Babe
Date Posted: 21 July 2010 at 3:23pm
Haven't read all the thread so may need to edit but... I was in and out of hospital with severe hyperemesis and I gotta say it was way harder at home!!! I was alone and stressed that I couldn't do much even though I could see jobs and stuff around the place. Atleast in the hospital you don't see the housework, smell the food, or get left by yourself for long periods of time  -------------   
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Posted By: Babe
Date Posted: 21 July 2010 at 3:25pm
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And coopersmum is so right - just forcing yourself out of that miserable rut (I mean the rut of avoiding, being unhappy, feeling guilty, etc not 'choosing to be happy' coz you can't just switch PND off!!!), going to the doc, getting out every couple of days - it feels like a tremendous effort but its so so so worth it!! -------------
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Posted By: nathansmummy
Date Posted: 24 July 2010 at 9:57pm
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LilNic my list certainly wasn't exhaustive. Looking back over it I didn't include when you have a difficult baby eg. colic, reflux, medical problems, or generally crying. Generally there's often stress before(pregnancy), during or after birth that can be any kind and/or difficulty adjusting to motherhood.
However for some women it's just the hormones they react to. I think Bobbie mentioned that was her situation. I think the Edinburgh score helps, and talking to your GP and a counsellor if you can. I really didn't want to have PND so I forced myself to stop crying with the baby blues and just avoided it but the longer you leave it the worse it gets and the longer it is to recover from it. |
Posted By: nathansmummy
Date Posted: 24 July 2010 at 9:58pm
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There's a book out that is apparently helpful to give to family members to help explain:
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Had-Black-Dog-Matthew-Johnstone/dp/1845295897 |
Posted By: High9
Date Posted: 25 July 2010 at 8:38am
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I know, when I read your list I though there was quite a few things missing, I truly have a great baby with no problems, nothing to complain about.
It's funny how busying yourself can make you feel a bit more normal. I was talking to my MIL about it, she said she felt the same, when you are home all day with baby and no one to talk to really... ------------- http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: nathansmummy
Date Posted: 25 July 2010 at 12:11pm
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Yeah it can be pretty lonely
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