Knowing when to stop
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Planning Pregnancy (trying for baby)
Forum Name: Planning Pregnancy (trying for baby)
Forum Description: Trying to get pregnant? Going through fertility treatment? Just planning your first or second child? There are many people out there in the same boat to help and listen and share with
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=34669
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Topic: Knowing when to stop
Posted By: _H_
Subject: Knowing when to stop
Date Posted: 13 July 2010 at 1:10pm
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So DP and i have been trying since Sep last year. I know this is that long but i am getting depressed about it as i thought i would have a baby by the end of this year. DP isnt the best at talking about his feelings but i know from things that he has said he really wants a baby as well. we are both young (im 21 and he is 25) and both have issues that will effect our fertility (havent been tested yet) I dont have anyone (other then DP) i can talk to about TTC
my question is how do you know its time to take a break from TTC? its not like time is a problem and we wouldnt be totally "giving up" but it would mean no keeping track of my cycles or using OPKs. i honestly dont know if im up to getting my fertility tested (though DP has the forms to get his little guys test) any thoughts or ideas on where i should/could go from here would be great |
Replies:
Posted By: caliandjack
Date Posted: 13 July 2010 at 1:21pm
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Have you had your blood tests etc done? ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">   [/url] Angel June 2012 |
Posted By: mummyofprinces
Date Posted: 13 July 2010 at 1:28pm
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Hugs hun, I do agree with CJ that if there is a problem, waiting isnt going to resolve it, but also understand that is a very scary thought that you may not be ready to deal with (though on the flip side, you could be worried for nothing....)
If it were me I would get my BT done and DP analysis done and go from there. If all is well then maybe just take a couple of months of not trying/not preventing. Focus on parts of your life that have fallen by the wayside and start enjoying yourself again and then once you are feeling good again, you can start be a bit more proactive. Sometimes a break from the stress can do wonders! However, if something comes up in the tests then you can take the same not trying/not preventing while you get an action plan. Big huge hugs though hun! -------------   
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Posted By: astral_monkey
Date Posted: 13 July 2010 at 1:32pm
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Hi. I know how you feel.
I have had seriously irregular cycles since puberty, but never saw a doctor because I was afraid of what they might say. When I met my husband and realised that having kids was no longer a far away dream, I finally decided to suck it up and go see a dr. After a couple of blood tests and an ultrasound I was diagnosed with PCOS (polycystic ovaries). Long story short, it's not the end of the world! Once you know what's going on with your body, you can find ways of dealing with it. I recommend getting tested. If you need to take a break from TTC, then do. You obviously don't want to give up, so maybe you switch from actively trying, to 'not preventing'. Plan a trip, start a new hobby/sport, get out of your head for a bit and live your life. Spend quality time with your DP, you never know what might happen once you relax and take the pressure off. Good luck with whatever you decide, and remember there is always someone here if you need to talk! ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  |
Posted By: snugglebug
Date Posted: 13 July 2010 at 1:44pm
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H, I was feeling a lot like you just before I got pregnant.
We had been trying since May-June 2009, and I got UTD in March so it had been close to that one year mark and I was getting scared. I had had the test for polycystic ovarian syndrome but didn't have it, but still had a long cycle at 40 days each time. I tried everything, taking vitex, OPKs, got DH on zinc, was charting and all of those things and I got to a point where I was absolutely and completely obsessed (and depressed) about it. It was taking over my life, I talked of nothing else and the stress of it did take a huge toll on our sex life as it became about doing it for a purpose and result. The reason I believe I got pregnant in the end is because I let go. I had decided that I was going to see the doctor to have some more tests done when that one year mark arrived, and till then I would just not even think of it anymore. We didn't go back to contraceptives or anything, but I just let go somehow. I decided I was too young (23) to be so obsessed with this. I decided to focus on what was good in my life and what I wanted to do. I had just started a new career in teaching and wanted to put attention to that and also enjoy the newfound money by going out on dates with DH and buying things I liked etc. And then the next month, somehow, randomly, I must have had my first 28 day cycle in years, got pregnant and I really don't know how as I wasn't tracking when and I don't even remember when we did it that month. Im not saying that this is the magical answer and that would happen for you, but I truly do believe the stress in my life and the stress I had within myself was preventing me from getting pregnant. As soon as I let it all go, it happened. I believe things like OPKS and charting and vitex are all helpful, but sometimes nature just had to do its thing and maybe leaving it alone is a better way. I do agree with what others have said, if there is a problem then waiting isn't going to change much. I felt like if I went to the doctor and got some answers then maybe I could get some power back over the situation. If you know what's wrong, and what you can do, somehow you take the reigns back of TTC again. When you're just trying month to month and hoping and praying you can feel very useless and out of control. It's the one thing in my life Ive experienced that I never had any control over and I found that very very hard. But you do have to be be ready to seek help... that has to come when you decide the time is right. You have PCOS if I remember correctly? Are you on meds for that? Maybe that would be the first step, to get on meds, even if it's just to help you as a person, not TTC. That's what I was going to do, go to the doctor to make sure everything was ok within me and I was healthy, and then I was going to decide what to do from there. I wanted to sort out my cycle and my health, and then consider a baby after that. Im lucky I didn't have to do that, but that was my plan. Knowledge is power and maybe knowing what you can do will help you get through this and get your baby in the end? I didn't get to that point right away it was after months of heartache, I had just had enough.... and sometimes no amount of what other people say can get you there, it has to come from you. But I know you will get some clarity in the situation when you're ready. I hope this helps a little ------------- Me 28, DH 29 DS born 20 Nov 2010 (4 years old) #2 due October 7 http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: jazzy
Date Posted: 13 July 2010 at 1:49pm
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Hugs H it can be a heart breaking journey & it can take what seams forever.
I agree with the get tests done so you know what is happening & if you require any medical help. I think it might help if you find a distraction cause the stress of ttc can sometimes work against you & then when you relax you may find yourself pg. It took over 3yrs to get pg with DS2, I had given up & we had a mc so I was convinced we would not have any more & then 3mths later I feel pg. We have been tiring for 3&1/2 yrs to have 1 more & have given up a few time & taken a few breaks in between & now have decided to give it another go. So get some tests done have a break & be kind to yourself 
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Posted By: GuestGuest
Date Posted: 13 July 2010 at 2:20pm
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Hey H, I think if you are feeling like you need a break then you should probably take one.
We started TTC back in March 08 for four months and then stopped, not for the same reasons as you but because we weren't sure if we were ready to have a baby. We didn't start up again until early this year. I'm really glad we did that because I would rather be 100% into it as TTC is a big decision! You probably don't want to hear this but you are still really young and have lots of time on your side (even if you do find you have fertility issues) Take care of yourself 
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Posted By: IVFGirl1111
Date Posted: 13 July 2010 at 2:59pm
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Hey H, the girls have given some excellent advice, I know how hard it is to just relax but maybe an idea is also when AF arrives buying yourself something nice?
Can someone please tell me what tests there are for females to see if there is issues? ------------- TTC 6 years IVF it is IVF/ICSI round one 10 eggs, 8 mature, 3 fertilised BFN IVF/ICSI #2 = 22 eggs! 20 mature, 15 fertilised, 1 fresh transfer and 2 frosties BFN 2 Frosties still in freezer thank god |
Posted By: mollymoo
Date Posted: 13 July 2010 at 3:13pm
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hey H... TTC can suck and it really does begin to over consume your life. i think that if you feel like you need a break then you do. listen to what your body is telling you and stop charting etc for a while. you will feel much better for it. you should still consider the tests though cos they take time too. as you know i started with the testing at the beginning of the year and 6 mths later are stll trying to find out why DH and I can't get UTD. i hope that you find a solution that will make you and DH happy. you are still young hun so why not take a year or 2 off and see what happens in between. sending you lots of strength, love and hugs.
------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: GuestGuest
Date Posted: 13 July 2010 at 3:21pm
Hiya Booboo, You can do CD3 and CD21 (7dpo) blood tests to check hormone levels. Then from there you can have an ultrasound to check out your ovaries (for things like cysts), an HSG procedure (running dye through your tubes) and laparoscopic surgery (to check for and remove any endometriosis) |
Booboo wrote:Posted By: IVFGirl1111
Date Posted: 13 July 2010 at 4:00pm
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Thanks heaps - so when you get your bloods done do you have to know when you are 7dpo? ------------- TTC 6 years IVF it is IVF/ICSI round one 10 eggs, 8 mature, 3 fertilised BFN IVF/ICSI #2 = 22 eggs! 20 mature, 15 fertilised, 1 fresh transfer and 2 frosties BFN 2 Frosties still in freezer thank god |
Posted By: GuestGuest
Date Posted: 13 July 2010 at 4:17pm
| It's good to know but if you have a standard 28 day cycle like your ticker says then CD21 is fine. |
Posted By: Emmecat
Date Posted: 13 July 2010 at 4:32pm
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TTC is the pits The month we concieved Clodagh I was truely ready to take a big break as I'd had enough of all the palava that can go with TTC. I say if you feel like a break, take one! If you feel the need to get BT etc done and you think that'll give you some peace of mind or alternatively, an explanation, then go for it. The break doesn't have to be long and as I don't know how old you are or your actual fertility issues so can't comment really on what i would do in 'your' shoes IYKWIM. But you are the best judge of what you need so trust your instincts. If you *do* decide to take a break, make sure you spend the time doing something you've always wanted to do like study or travel or night classes or losing weight or getting fit etc etc. Don't just 'take abreak' and do nothing cos that probably won't take your mind off TTC lol. -------------   http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: _H_
Date Posted: 13 July 2010 at 5:27pm
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thanks for the support ladies. yes lisa i have PCOS and also endo, im currently on metformin.
after i wrote the first post i text DP and said we need to talk tonight. i keep thinking it might not be the right time for us to have babies but i know in my heart that its the right time. hopefully with DPs support i will be strong enough to get tested (its not the testing that bothers me its if i have a problem that scares me) |
Posted By: _SMS_
Date Posted: 13 July 2010 at 5:51pm
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Is took us over 1 year to conceive DD, at the time i was 21 also. I had been off all contraception for 6 months before that also.
I have no problems i am aware off, i dont know why it took so long. i was not charting etc so that could be a reason it took us so long Perhaps try to stop thinking about it for 6 months, plan to have sex at least weekly though  and see if that works.
Sorry i have no advice. But good luck getting you BFP -------------  
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Posted By: mummyofprinces
Date Posted: 13 July 2010 at 6:18pm
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H given your medical history it may be time to seek some help... you have 2 known conditions to hinder fertility and your GP (from memory) is very unsupportive!
All this heartache when AF arrives every month is terrible but if you are having ovulation issues for example then it may will continue longer then necessary. Soda comes to mind, just a couple of rounds of clomid did the trick once her PCOS was diagnosed! JMO on what I would in your position. -------------
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Posted By: spanky77
Date Posted: 13 July 2010 at 6:57pm
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some good advice here. I'd go with the 'getting stuff checked out' with the docs, and if you have an unsupportive GP can you change to one who IS supportive?
From my perspective, I realised weird things were afoot, then put it off and put it off for best part of a year. Then went and found myself a decent GP and started again. I've found that public waiting lists (if this is the way you would go ) can be extremely frustrating when you want to move on with ttc. Not sure where in the country you are, but truly, I would recommend at least getting on some waiting list, if stuff like laparoscopic procedures are likely. Rather than deciding you want to go for ttc and then having to wait for the wheels of public health to slowly turn |
Posted By: GuestGuest
Date Posted: 13 July 2010 at 9:53pm
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Hey H, just because you have PCOS doesn't necessarily mean you will have fertility issues. My SIL has it and gets UTD at the drop of a hat. (hoping that makes you feel a bit more positive). Have you had lap surgery to diagnose your endo or is it just a possibility?
Hope your talk goes well with your DP. |
Posted By: _H_
Date Posted: 14 July 2010 at 10:34am
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LR i have had 2 lap surgery to remove my endo- one when i was 14 and one when i was 17. Since i had my IUD taken out (last year and i had it put in on my last surgery) i havent had any other testing or anything done so it may not have come back.
Im going to make an appointment to see my old GP (a hour drive!) and take DP. we talked about it last night and he really wants to get things moving |
Posted By: Nutella
Date Posted: 14 July 2010 at 10:34am
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hmm, well you already know you have two things that might hinder fertility so I am not sure why you are worried about being tested, is there something more you are scared of? Are you worried they are gonna say it is never gonna happen? Lots of people with those conditions have babies.....so if it were me, I would go get the tests done and then decide on a plan of action!! Be POSITIVE ok.
The metformin is a start...did the Dr say anything else you can do to help the PCOS? And for the endo, maybe if you get it checked, it might become enough of an issue to get a lap and dye done...I have read that sometimes flushing the tubes is actually enough to help a woman get preggers so that might be an option too. Are there other risk factors you can look at in your life that maybe for 6 months you could focus on changing? That way, if you think that a break is a good idea you could really focus on forming some good habits, ie eating properly, exercising, taking folic acid...all those things we are supposed to do. You might already be doing all these things but maybe there are some other things you are not doing?That way your focus is on something else BUT it is a step in the direction you want to take. Honestly, I can say from experience (18 months ttc) that this helps and it really takes the pressure off... ------------- 
 Oct 11
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Posted By: freckle
Date Posted: 14 July 2010 at 2:50pm
H - I hope ya GP can help! It is just soooo suckful TTC when it's just not happening eh... I was so reluctant to go to the Dr for tests and stuff too but I did in the end... It is scary eh! I have PCOS too and it took 18 months to conceive this one which seemed like absolutely forever to me... After charting, taking every possible supplement, using preseed, drinking grapeful and pineapple juices, scans, getting on the waitlist for the FS etc etc I gave up hope and stopped everything... 2 weeks later I oved and conceived  So I reckon take a break if you need it ! like you say time is on your side so it might be just what you need....------------- mum to 3 lovely girls :D |
Posted By: _H_
Date Posted: 14 July 2010 at 5:49pm
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I think im worried about them saying that it is something that isnt going to happen. i know that i need to lose weight and the doctor did say it will help, hopefully when the weather gets better DP and i can work on losing weight together
I think the worse bit for me is im the kind of person that if i want something i will go and get it. TTC isnt something i can work hard at and get |
Posted By: Nutella
Date Posted: 18 July 2010 at 11:51am
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When we were ttc I was 85kg and the Dr thought I should lose weight, I went on Jenny Craigs and lost 5kg and got pregnant which might have been a coincidence but might not have been!
Obviously I don't know how much weight you need to lose but it is actually something you can control and not only will it improve your chances (there are studies that show this) but it will make it easier when you are pregnant too...I wish I had lost more before getting pregnant as I am sure I would have been more active during if that makes sense. Also bear in mind that a lot of the time they won't help you with IVF until your BMI is below 30. If I was in your shoes, I would start doing something about it now and not wait for the nice weather...I'm only saying this because if your weight is in the right range then you can basically rule that out as a 'reason' ya know??? And it could be something you could focus on instead of feeling down about ttc. -------------
Oct 11
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Posted By: Nutella
Date Posted: 18 July 2010 at 12:28pm
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Just wanted to add also...I know you don't want to hear that you are still young but one really big positive thing for you is that you have years and years on your side....so even if there is something hindering your ferility, think of the medical advances that will be made to fix any problems. -------------
Oct 11
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Posted By: JaneW
Date Posted: 24 July 2010 at 9:00am
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Hi H I was just lurking on this board and thought I'd add my 2 cents if that's okay!
Dh and I had been ttc for 9 months when I asked my GP to do some tests for us(couldn't handle waiting for a year and just had a feeling something wasn't right') My tets came back fine but DH's sperm analysis was dismal, we were referred to a specialist and now on a waiting list for ICSI. I personally am so so glad we got things moving when we did as the waiting and not getting pregnant every month was driving me crazy, plus once we found out about the male infertility factor it didn't mean we stopped ttc, but rather that we have taken measures to give ourselves even more chances of concieving naturally....DH is on Menevit, we are doing acupuncture, eating drinking healthy and BDing a lot more to improve our chances. It's really really hard finding out that there is a problem...but if you do, then you can actually take action rather than waiting and wondering all the time. And we are young-ish too, I'm 27 and DH 28, but really that's all the more reason to act now as someone else pointed out those waiting lists are long(originally 20 months for us to do ICSI) so already 2 years has almost passed for us. I don't mean to have put a downer on it all by sharing but I just wanted to say that sometimes it's good to find these things out...IF there is a problem...fingers crossed it's all hunky dory for you and then at least you wont need to worry! Good luck :) |
Posted By: Nutella
Date Posted: 24 July 2010 at 12:25pm
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Good post JaneW -------------
Oct 11
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Posted By: _H_
Date Posted: 24 July 2010 at 9:14pm
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thanks Jane. DP is doing his test on Monday and then we have an appointment next monday with the GP so we are getting the ball rolling now ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: Nutella
Date Posted: 26 July 2010 at 9:54am
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Yay, go you! That is good that you are being brave :-)
Fingers crossed that you will get your BFP soon! -------------
Oct 11
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Posted By: jazzy
Date Posted: 26 July 2010 at 11:40am
good one H all the best
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Posted By: _H_
Date Posted: 29 July 2010 at 3:38pm
 my doc just rang becuase she got DPs results and its no good she cant tell me any more then that but she said he needs to go to his GP ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: heaf3
Date Posted: 29 July 2010 at 3:49pm
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ooh no!!! hopefully its nothing tooooooo major and that maybe menevit or something can help?
big hugs hun!!!!!! to you and DP.... ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: TwinnyBump
Date Posted: 29 July 2010 at 4:37pm
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H... as Heaf said hopefully its not major and there is something he can take that will help! ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  
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Posted By: GuestGuest
Date Posted: 29 July 2010 at 5:33pm
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That sucks H! It's particularly bad only knowing half of the story! Was she not willing to give you the results over the phone? Hopefully it's nothing too bad, there is such a big range of results with sperm analysis so try not to worry too much until you find out what's what
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Posted By: _H_
Date Posted: 29 July 2010 at 6:10pm
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She wasnt willing to give me the results as he isnt her patient and that he needs to go to his GP (not ring up for the result but actually go in) the only thing she said was they arent good and it looks like i may not be the problem with us not getting UTD
she also said if he was her patient she would advise to do another sample to make sure that they are correct. I might see if DP can ring up for another form because i have a day of next week and can take it in. then when we go to his GP we will have two samples to go off On a good note DP seemed ok about (i only rang him at work i havent seen him tonight) but that might be because i was just about in tears ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">
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Posted By: Nutella
Date Posted: 29 July 2010 at 6:16pm
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Aww, hopefully the second lot of tests will have better results.
Glad your DH is ok about it, that is really lovely of him...make sure you have a big hug tonight. -------------
Oct 11
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