What would/would have helped?
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Support
Forum Name: Living with Post Natal Depression
Forum Description: Around one in ten NZ mothers will be diagnosed with PND in the first year of their babies life. Find support and encouragement and share ideas for coping here.
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=39228
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Topic: What would/would have helped?
Posted By: nathansmummy
Subject: What would/would have helped?
Date Posted: 18 May 2011 at 1:43pm
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Really interested to hear your experience in terms of what support and information you had and what you think would have helped you in your journey with PND and what would help you now?
Some questions: Do you feel that you had sufficient information about PND in your Ante-natal class? What other information about PND were you given before/after the birth of your baby? Did the midwives or Plunket monitor your PND symptoms? Who picked up on you having PND? Who referred you to the GP? How far down the track were you before you realised and were treated for PND? Who or what did you find to be supportive? What else would have helped you to get better? Both now and then? |
Replies:
Posted By: T_Rex
Date Posted: 18 May 2011 at 8:27pm
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I don't have PND thankfully, but I think I escaped it by the skin of my teeth (and because I did/got the things that helped).
We got some info about PND in antenatal class - I guess I could have taken more in, but I was so confident it wouldn't be me. The teacher did direct a good part of that lesson at the blokes which was good, cos I think them knowing what to look for is very important too. What we didn't learn was that our town has a post-natal support person we can call on if we are having struggles with things. That was a vital piece of info she left out (or I didn't listen to). The MW asked me at discharge if I was feeling ok, and at that stage I was. That was the last time anyone really asked. When DD was a few months old, plunket held a talk on reflux babies that only 2 mums went to - me and one other. I suspect that may have been prompted primarily by the other woman, but I was actively encouraged to go. It was there that I met the post-natal support lady, and thank goodness I did. Ten weeks later after a really really bad day, I showed up on her doorstep pretty much hysterical. I was exhausted, I hadn't been able to put the baby down without her screaming (and she'd screamed in my arms most of the day too) and was very very close to losing it. I knew I had to do something, and was so very glad I had somewhere to go (it was a friday afternoon and all my regular friends were at work, as was DH). I needed someone to talk to, and to hand DD to and it needed to be NOW! The postnatal support lady put me on her *watchlist* and came to visit me at home weekly for a few weeks until she was convinced I was ok. She also very bluntly said if I didn't start reaching out to people and getting some help I was going to get PND badly. So I told my bestie who laughed and told me I was too sensible to get PND (but who also drove 2 hours to visit me every couple of weeks for a while until she was convinced I was ok too). Another friend MSN'd me just at the right moment so I told her too, and she made an effort to call in for a quick chat on her way home a few times (she drives past my place) and would always say hello etc when I signed on to messenger during the day. It was that contact during the day that was so good for me. I got my mum to come down for a weekend when she could (she lives 5 hours away and works full time so it was about once a month) and she'd do all the washing and clean the bathrooms. I'd use those weekends to sleep, and that made a big difference. My dad offered to take all my livestock to graze at his place so I didn't have to deal with it, but I opted to keep it cos I felt it was good for me to have something that I HAD to go outside for everyday. For what it's worth, we also asked the inlaws for help cos they are much closer and retired. They did nothing and I'll probably never have a decent relationship with them again because of it. (Actually, I lie. They baked us muffins once. With dairy in them, even though DD and I were dairy free). I found out much later that the support lady had also spoken to DH after she *discharged* me and told him to call her at any stage if he thought I was heading downhill again. I think it was really good for him knowing all he had to do was pick up the phone if he thought I needed it. And above all else, my DH was amazing (and his work was awesome too). Most of my trouble stemmed from severe sleep deprivation, so he arranged to work from home until 11am every day, and he'd get up to DD at about 6am if not earlier and he'd bring her to me for a BF, then he'd take her out for a walk so that I couldn't hear her cry (she was a sick baby and cried pretty much 24/7) and I'd get a couple of precious hours of sleep. Once she fell asleep in the wrap on him, he'd come back in and start working (standing up at the kitchen bench so he could keep rocking her on his chest). Then he'd often throw a load of washing on and head off to work. He was always so appreciative if I'd managed to get dinner cooked and never complained if I hadn't - just did it himself or took the baby away while I did it. He was my absolute rock and it's made us even stronger together 
So that massive novel is my story and what made the difference for me. I thought it might help to see what did work  ------------- http://lilypie.com">  http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: nathansmummy
Date Posted: 18 May 2011 at 11:52pm
| Wow - I love that story. Your DH sounds amazing! And all the other people who loved you thru that time! Awesome! Thank you so much! |
Posted By: snugglebug
Date Posted: 19 May 2011 at 2:17pm
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Do you feel that you had sufficient information about PND in your Ante-natal class? Not any information at all
What other information about PND were you given before/after the birth of your baby? None Did the midwives or Plunket monitor your PND symptoms? No to midwife, Plunket asked me how I was feeling but said they ask that to everyone every time, once I told her I'd been diagnosed and on meds it hasn't really been talked about again Who picked up on you having PND? Who referred you to the GP? To be honest, me, and family members. I took myself to the GP, no referral How far down the track were you before you realised and were treated for PND? Quite soon, baby was about 2 months old Who or what did you find to be supportive? My GP was extremely supportive, and some of the online community What else would have helped you to get better? Both now and then? More information, I was already aware I might get PND having had episodes of depression in the past so I was on the lookout for it and saw it quickly, but if I hadn't been who knows. Also I find I've hit a wall with it now in the sense the doctor put me on medication which helps but I wonder whether I should be looking deeper into the problem. Can't afford counselling at the moment and the funding for counselling has run out at my doctors practice which kind of sucks. Most of what has helped me to get better has been self researched eg exercise, getting out and about even when I don't want to, having an activity for myself, but Im still battling week to week some weeks great some weeks not so much, and I think I'll be on this journey for a while. It can be a very solitary one unfortunately ------------- Me 28, DH 29 DS born 20 Nov 2010 (4 years old) #2 due October 7 http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow"> 
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Posted By: T_Rex
Date Posted: 19 May 2011 at 8:01pm
Thanks Nathansmummy - I'm very lucky to have such awesome people around me
 wiggly_jiggly, I hope you start seeing more of the good weeks and less of the bad weeks really soon.------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Kazper
Date Posted: 21 May 2011 at 8:43am
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Like T_Rex I think I either just scrapped through without PND or had a form of it, but managed to come out the other side and to be honest, I don't know how. DH and my mother were the only support I had.
DD was conceived through IVF. I already had been told there is a higher chance of PND with IVF babies as a lot of woman feel they can't complain or ask for help as they wanted the baby and they have to deal with it on their own, which is exactly how I felt. I got Hyperemesis during my pregnancy. I was so ill I would only get out of bed for the first half of my pregnancy to shower and even then DH had to help as I was very weak. I suffered depression, shaking, heart pulpitations, irrational etc etc I found out through a different doctor to mine that it was the maxolon they gave me for the sickness. It was rare, but I had an allergic reaction to it and every symptom I had was because of that. I was angry that drug could even be prescribed with that risk. I didn't even want my baby anymore because of it. Anyway, two days off it and I was happy and excited about my pregnancy again even though I was still ill. Then half way through pregnancy we were told DD's kidneys were both dilated, adding to the stress we were already feeling with the pregnancy. It all turned out ok, but we didn't find that out until 6 weeks after she was born. After DD was born the screaming started the first day. She has since been diagnosed with a rare but very severe form of reflux that she will eventually have an operation for. She screamed day and night. I doubt there was a day DH would walk in the door from work and I wasn't crying. I was so lucky DH was supportive and like T_Rex he never ever made me feel bad if I didn't do anything during the day. He would cook and do all the cleaning and supported me through it all. I think he knew things were not right and was worried about me. Finally at 4 months after having to syringe feed DD as she refused to feed because of the pain I picked her up and she had a massive reflux attack in my arms. Her entire body just writhed in pain and she fell out of my arms. That was my breaking point. I got on the phone to the dr and he finally prescribed some medication for DD. He wanted me to go to Mothercraft, but I knew that would make me worse and all I needed was some sleep and a healthy baby. Day two on the meds and what an improvement in DD and me. I had no support from Plunket what so ever. I'm tempted to drop them. I found out one of the nurses passes on private info to other mums. This is a small town and we all know one another. Apparently she down played DD's issues to the other nurses. Finally a different nurse visited me when DD was 15 months and she was shocked to see how ill DD was and how long this had been going on. She was very apologetic. As soon as she left she contacted my dr and made him refer me to specialist. Her reflux has burned her mouth and throat. She now has chronic tonsillitis and they need to be removed, but because of the reflux it is too risky. In short, I'm very disapointed in the level of support I had. My inlaws were so horrible to me. Calling me a bad mother every chance they had. Telling people I was poisioning DD by giving her meds, I over dressed her, I was too paranoid then other people constantly telling me I was doing things wrong. I'm a stronger person now and would never stand for that behavior. As a first time mum I was let down hugely. I wouldn't wish any of it on my worst enemy. ------------- http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/545141" rel="nofollow">  |
Posted By: escadachic
Date Posted: 23 May 2011 at 12:00am
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Do you feel that you had sufficient information about PND in your Ante-natal class?
I feel they mentioned it briefly. As they treated it like it was scare tactic, so just mentioned it and didn't go into it at all. What other information about PND were you given before/after the birth of your baby? None before. Only some after I was diagnosed. Did the midwives or Plunket monitor your PND symptoms? Midwife. Who picked up on you having PND? Who referred you to the GP? Midwife. She referred me to MMH. And MMH sorted meds. How far down the track were you before you realised and were treated for PND? I knew pretty soon that I had PND, as I knew how long the baby blues last and this was way more then the baby blues. Who or what did you find to be supportive? Midwife, Plunket Nurse, Female doctor, MMH(at times), everyone at PND support group. What else would have helped you to get better? Support, meds initially, counselling, healthy eating, exercise, having 'me' time, friends who 'get' it and my awesome DP! ETA. Blogging and talking about it to others whom I could trust. -------------   
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Posted By: escadachic
Date Posted: 23 May 2011 at 12:10am
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That really sucks what you went through Kazper! -------------
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Posted By: Kazper
Date Posted: 23 May 2011 at 6:50am
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Sounds like the professionals got on to yours really quick escadachic. That is so great. I never once heard a mention of PND from any professionals before or after the birth. I just knew what to look for - lucky for them. ------------- http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/545141" rel="nofollow"> |
Posted By: nathansmummy
Date Posted: 23 May 2011 at 8:56pm
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Thanks for all your feedback. I'm pleased to hear some of you have had good support but shocked at others' accounts - especially your account Kazper. You seem to have been let down by so many people! Awful - heartbreaking!
I just want to remind you about Mothers Helpers - if you need help/support or know mothers that do please refer them to www.mothershelpers.webgarden.com I will be meeting with a lot of groups such as MMH and the PND Distress Support Group and midwives/plunket etc etc so all the feedback you have to give me I can pass on so feel free to continue sharing and thank you for taking the time. |
Posted By: Kazper
Date Posted: 24 May 2011 at 7:03am
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Thanks for the website nathansmummy. I will keep that in mind ------------- http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/545141" rel="nofollow"> |
Posted By: KitKat
Date Posted: 06 June 2011 at 12:25pm
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Kazper- wow.
For me: Do you feel that you had sufficient information about PND in your Ante-natal class? None at all. What other information about PND were you given before/after the birth of your baby? None at all, even after asking (well sobbing in a flood of tears whilst pregnant). The mw said it was normal to feel the way I did, and that councilling wouldnt help- get some sleep etc. Did the midwives or Plunket monitor your PND symptoms? No Plunket nurse was banned from our house as she was so impersonal and unproffessional. her way of saying there might be a problem was to tell me I was affecting my relationship with DP and DS, and I needed to change something... and that DS probably didnt settle because I had a mobile above his cot. (actually he had V bad reflux, for which he was medicated and still screamed 5+ hours per day) Who picked up on you having PND? Who referred you to the GP? Me. When DS was 22 months I finnally asked the doc if this was all normal, he gave me some meds and they have been amazing. no other support though, just a pill. How far down the track were you before you realised and were treated for PND? From conception- 2yr 9months. I had antenatal, and postnatal depression all along Who or what did you find to be supportive? DP has always been supportive, and my own parents. DP family havent been, in fact MIL is no longer considered a member of the family, she was so toxic about the whole thing, she nearly ruined DP's relationship with his father. I wont go into detail- but PND and not being able to cope can ruin families. Some of the older generation just dont understand, and dont know hat the word support means. What else would have helped you to get better? Both now and then? Citalopram... for now. Sleep- leaving DS with his grandparents for the night (first time in 2 years!!). We moved towns away from DP family... to be near mine. Being with supportive friends and family. Accepting help Accepting its a hormonal imbalance you actually need help with. Coffee. I could write an essay about my experience TBH. its beed a rollercoaster, as Im sure everyones has been. ------------- 
http://www.littlegreenfruit.blogspot.com - Little Green Fruit |
Posted By: Kazper
Date Posted: 06 June 2011 at 4:15pm
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KitKat that is rough and sounds oh so similar - even with MIL. Very very similar! ------------- http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/545141" rel="nofollow"> |
Posted By: escadachic
Date Posted: 06 June 2011 at 6:37pm
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Thanks so much for sharing Kitkat -------------
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Posted By: KitKat
Date Posted: 07 June 2011 at 11:56am
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Ive been thinking about this a lot since I posted- about what helps me now..
I find that planning my week, or at least 2 days ahead helps me. Trying to 'do' something everyday. Whether it be going to the beach to dig a hole, having a coffee and a walk. Visit a friend for a cuppa. Just break up the day. And with that in mind- my 2 big saviours have been year passes to some local spots. Like the zoo, and a wildlife sanctuary. Its heaps cheaper to join for a year, then there is no pressure on you if you need to get out the house, even for an hour. Ask your family and friends to contribute for a birthday pressie or christmas etc. spread the cost. Another thing is a shower. I started closing the doors to all the bedrooms except his, leaving him to run up and down the hallway or play in his room while Im in the shower. Its been a lifesaver. Another- Slowcooker. Put it on when/if he goes to nap. Or get him to help you put the stuff in. Dinner is sorted so no more worries there. Same goes for the breadmachine. We have a local google group where you can post up things youre in need of (for us- dishwasher, breadmachine, slowcooker) or need to get rid of and if someone has one, they email you, and its all free. People have lots of stuff they dont want, and cant be bothered selling, so if its quick and easy, its free. Just thinking about all the little things that can make life easier, they arent as hard to achieve as they seem. For me this helped anyways. -------------
http://www.littlegreenfruit.blogspot.com - Little Green Fruit |
Posted By: T_Rex
Date Posted: 07 June 2011 at 8:13pm
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Jeepers KitKat - just get some sleep?! What an awful thing to say to you!
Admittedly, getting some sleep would have helped me immensely, but it's an awful lot easier said than done when you have a screaming refluxer on your hands. Glad you are feeling better now. Interesting that reflux and crappy MILs seem to be a common theme here  I really thing so many people don't appreciate what it's like to have a true refluxer - which is understandable cos I probably wouldn't have either, until I had one of my own.------------- http://lilypie.com"> http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Kazper
Date Posted: 08 June 2011 at 9:54pm
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KitKat that google thing sounds really cool and great tips by the way.
LOL T_Rex I kind of wish I could shove my piece of paper from DD's specialist in some peoples faces and say "hey look at this, looks like I was right all along" and "good thing I didn't listen to you" ------------- http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/545141" rel="nofollow"> |
Posted By: nathansmummy
Date Posted: 09 June 2011 at 12:54am
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Will refer back to these responses - thank you. Really interesting points and discussion.
I have had people in certain agencies (won't mention who) tell me that midwives and ante-natal classes do a good job of informing mothers and that my own experience was just that - my experience. Which is why I was interested to find out others'. They suggested to me that mothers in ante-natal class don't pay attention to info on PND because they're more focused on the birth etc. etc. I thought for an agency support mothers with PND this was a very judgmental thing to say and did not appreciate the comment at all. It interests me to hear your feedback. For those of you that have said you were not well informed, is it possible that you were but did not listen to the information as I might be asked this in future and it's helpful for me to hear your responses. For me, I remember what was and wasn't said and it was totally insufficient. |
Posted By: Kazper
Date Posted: 10 June 2011 at 12:04pm
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Not the case for me at all nathansmummy. They didn't talk about PND or even the baby blues. I knew about this before taking those classes and remember thinking at the time they weren't very good at giving information and after the birth I knew I was sliding and yet received no support. It was the help of one good friend, my mother and DH that got me through it. ------------- http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/545141" rel="nofollow"> |
Posted By: KitKat
Date Posted: 10 June 2011 at 3:08pm
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Nathansmummy- I had to ask the facilitator about it in the coffee break- about the chances/possibility of having antenatal depression, and the risk of then getting worse postnatal.... because of my own feelings, I did specifically take notice for any info on this in the class prior to asking privately, and there was none. I was too shy to ask about it, at the time feeling pretty alone and vulnerable in my feelings, and not wanting to make them public.
The outcome of talking to her in the kitchen mid session, was to talk to my mw. Which I did, and as I wrote, she was less than helpful. I know its unrelated- but I also discovered that because our antenatal classes were 'sponsored' by plunket who are sponsored by a nappy company, they werent allowed to discuss the huge variety of cloth nappies available. just a quick session on how to fold one... which had the effect of putting everyone off them. I tried to bring it up, and they told me to wait until after the session. I dont think I shouldve gone to antenatal classes... lol -------------
http://www.littlegreenfruit.blogspot.com - Little Green Fruit |
Posted By: amalyse
Date Posted: 15 June 2011 at 12:38am
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Do you feel that you had sufficient information about PND in your Ante-natal class?
Yes, however I already knew a bit about PND What other information about PND were you given before/after the birth of your baby? Not much, however was aware it was a huge possibility for me due to previous mental health issues Did the midwives or Plunket monitor your PND symptoms? Yes both, and very carefully, they watched me closer than the baby! Who picked up on you having PND? Who referred you to the GP? I went to the GP fairly promptly after having my child and scored 20 out of 30, I was put back on medication and called my psychotherapist pretty much immediatly. Things calmed down, and today I scored 7 out of 30. It was just baby blues ...but I still have days when I am down and am concerned I could develop bi polar disorder (my father has this) as I seem to be high and low... How far down the track were you before you realised and were treated for PND? (see above) Who or what did you find to be supportive? Talking honestly about feelings with people who have been through it - I don't find my family or friends great about it. They just don't understand and sometimes make it worse. What else would have helped you to get better? Both now and then? I think the fact I love my child now makes it a bit easier. But I just started getting out every day whether I wanted to or not. Being demanding on people if I had a bad day... ------------- 
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Posted By: amalyse
Date Posted: 15 June 2011 at 12:46am
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I dunno if I do, do not have PND as have been taking paroxetine... all I know is I am NOT going off it. I also made appointment to see my old psychotherapist. Luckily we can still afford for me to go once and a while... -------------
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