Rant time
Printed From: OHbaby!
Category: Support
Forum Name: Life After Miscarriage
Forum Description: Up to one in five pregnancies ends in miscarriage, yet for many the loss of a pregnancy is isolating and lonely. Share your thoughts and feelings here with others who have experienced loss.
URL: https://www.ohbaby.co.nz/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=9020
Printed Date: 10 June 2024 at 8:08pm
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 12.05 - http://www.webwizforums.com
Topic: Rant time
Posted By: emmaohara
Subject: Rant time
Date Posted: 11 July 2007 at 2:49pm
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Ok a few things have been on my mind since the mc 2 months ago and I just wanted your guys opinion and if the same thing had happened to you..
Since the mc two of my girlfriends have not talked about the mc, not even to acknowlegde it, to say how are you , nothing at all. This really upsets me , even now, its like if they ignore it and say nothing it never happened. I find it hard to speak to them now , which is hard as they are joint freinds with DH and they often come over but I still can't believe they have never said a word about it. One of them is pregnant as well so it shocks me she could be soo cold about it. Am I totally over sensitive?, I know its hard to know the right thing to say, and you get fed up of hearing "it happened for a reason", etc but just asking if you are ok or sorry to hear isn't to much to ask is it? I quess them not saying anything makes me feel that they never acknowledged that I lost a baby, that I had loved from finding out I was pregnant at 4 weeks, that I had picked out names , bought nappies and mittens for.... 
Ok rant over, its weird aye , sometimes things just hit you and you think you are fine but I guess we all grieve differently Thanks for listening  ------------- http://lilypie.com"> 
http://lilypie.com"> 
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Replies:
Posted By: emmaohara
Date Posted: 11 July 2007 at 2:50pm
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and maybe the pregnancy hormones have kicked in as well, blubber blubber ...! ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Bumble
Date Posted: 11 July 2007 at 3:00pm
Maybe they just feel awkward (sp?)... you know how some people can be... not know what to say/do etc.
 to you!------------- formerly known as "Bee" Ethan ~ March 2003 Big 6 year old school boy! Micah ~ Aug 2008 ~ Smiley pants who loves telephones! |
Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 11 July 2007 at 3:22pm
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Yea I bet they feel awkward, it's harder with m/c than death because people deal with it so very differently and you never know if that person is struggling or forgotten (I don't know why I could have ever thought that someone would have forgotten about a m/c!) or is completely ok with it now. And then you don't know what to say on top of that.
And a lot of people may think that now you're pg again, this one will somehow fill that hole or "replace" the m/c baby and so you'll be ok now, m/c time over. Sometimes we just have to bite the bullet and tell them how we're feeling without an invitation! from me as well -------------  |
Posted By: Bizzy
Date Posted: 11 July 2007 at 3:44pm
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miscarriage makes seem people very uncomfortable and them not mentioning it may not mean they dont want to acknowledge what happened to you. Also have you ever mentioned to them, you know blah blah blah since the mc blah blah. they may be taking their lead from you. dont be too hard on them, everyone deals with it differently. ------------- http://www.myfitnesspal.com/weight-loss-ticker"> 
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Posted By: .Mel
Date Posted: 11 July 2007 at 4:18pm
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My sister miscarried at 9 weeks, on her 31st birthday. She was due exactly 3 weeks after me. We haven't spoken of it since the day it happened. I must admit from my point of view still being pregnant, I found it really difficult to see her afterwards, and I had absolutely no idea what to say to her, and I was worried that she wouldn't want to be around me. As it happens, now that I'm fully bumped, I haven't seen her in over a month.. I'm not sure if that's related to her mc or not.
So I think it could be that they don't know what to say, and that they don't know how to bring it up, I don't and it's my own sister.... I don't think it's something that just comes up in conversation, maybe they are thinking they are protecting you by not talking about it. ------------- Mr Mellow (16) Miss Attitude (8) Destructa Kid (3) 
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Posted By: emmaohara
Date Posted: 11 July 2007 at 6:42pm
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Yea I understand how hard is it to know what to say, before I have my mc I would have struggled for words, guess I'm just being an hormonal blubber face at the moment, feel better after my rant though, try to talk to DH about it and he goes blank, men aye... ------------- http://lilypie.com">
http://lilypie.com">
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Posted By: Maya
Date Posted: 11 July 2007 at 8:25pm
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Welcome to the "Pregnancy after Miscarriage" rollercoaster! Big hugs hun coz you have a tough few weeks/months ahead of you.
I was lucky in that I had some great friends who had experienced losses of their own who rang just to check and see how I was doing, which was special coz it helped remind me that a)my baby was a real person and mattered and b)that life goes on after miscarriage. Maybe try talking to your friends about how you are feeling, something along the lines of "hey, I'm feeling a bit down today, I'm really missing my baby" or "I would have been x weeks pregnant today" and give them the opportunity to respond coz like others have said they may not know how to bring it up, or might think that YOU don't want to talk about it coz it's too painful. And you've always got us! ------------- Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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Posted By: emachan
Date Posted: 14 July 2007 at 12:32pm
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Hey emma - hugs! I know what you are on about, I have had a couple of friends who haven't talked about it either, but I think that unless I speak about it first, its probably awkward for them to talk to me about it.
I also felt guilty when I was pg because my friend, who was 3 weeks behind me in pg, m/c and I felt awkward about talking about my pg when she had gone through a m/c. Fate though, turned up, and I m/c too... Chin up to everyone ttc or pg after m/c.. its a tough journey! ------------- http://lilypie.com" rel="nofollow">  DD#1 Sept 08 DD#2 Oct 09 |
Posted By: busymum
Date Posted: 14 July 2007 at 1:20pm
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Sometimes it's difficult too because any little twinge or something different makes you worry all over again, but for this baby this time. Very emotional! ------------- |
Posted By: lizzle
Date Posted: 14 July 2007 at 2:29pm
| my friend from playcentre had a miscarriage recently and I still don't know what to say to her. I sent her an email about how sorry we were, but I don't bring it up. i'm not good with that kinda thing and i don't want to upset her. i'm not sure how she feels about everything so am just trying to avoid the topic - bad I know but I just don't know what to say. If she brings it up, then i will say something, but unless she does, i won't bring it up myslef because she may not want to talk about it. that is how i feel as a friend, maybe yours feel the same way. |
Posted By: caitlynsmygirl
Date Posted: 16 July 2007 at 11:13pm
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i hope noone minds me lurking in this thread, im fortunate enough to not have ever dealt with what you guys have had to.
A friend of mine did and would hardly ever talk about it to me, till one day i said "how you doing chick?" thats all it took for it all to come out and i always make a point of texting her on the anniversary of bubbas passing just to let her know im thinking of her. But yeah maybe your friends dont know what to say or if you want to talk about it,and perhaps your pregnant friend feels like you might resent her (not saying you do) but does that make any sense? |