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Pook72 View Drop Down
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    Posted: 20 January 2012 at 8:38pm
Hi all.

DH and I are just starting the process of looking into adoption. Has anyone adopted? How did you find it? I'm struggling to find any forums/support about it anywhere? Seems to be loads for birth parents, but nothing for adoptive parents!

Thanks :)
June 99. June 09, Dec 09, Sept 10 March 12
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Buttonz Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 January 2012 at 8:41pm
Hi Pook,

No advice since I haven't looked in to adoption, but I just wanted to say good luck, my thoughts are with you on this journey.

After 2 1/2 years of treatment and IVF my heart was ripped out again when Jeremy was born sleeping at 21 weeks.
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Pook72 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Pook72 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 January 2012 at 8:55pm
Thanks Buttonz xx
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sharpie View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote sharpie Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 January 2012 at 9:34pm
Hi Pook. We have done all the training for adoption and home for life and our profile is with CYFs now. I think there is a group called foster kids and it is for caregivers and foster parents and adoptive parents. Once you start your training with CYFs they will give you a registration form to join.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Guest_68214 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 January 2012 at 11:27pm
Hi. We went through the process several years ago through CFYS - it was tough and we ended up pulling out. We found the CYF process very impersonal, it took forever and we had to keep making complaints for people to get in touch. You ahve to go to several compulsory group sessions and "get to know" all the other would be parents and then be taught how to be a parent - we found it all qui te insulting. We had a home visit where we were grilled about how we felt about each other and whether we had any convictions - as far back as teenages and what we had learned or felt about anything we had done - its a very very instrusive process made worse by the person running our group who was teaching us how to be a good parent not even having kids herself - so text book based.We had to get several close friends to vouch for us and they were in turn grilled by CYFS.There are very few children put up for adoption in NZ but it does happen - we ened up going for fertility treatment which is why we pulled out - not trying to sound so negataive about it all but brace yourself for a long drawn out process that can get really frustarting - but if you're one of the lucky ones it's all worth it in the ned. Best of luck - also, we may have just struck it bad with who we had at CYFS so i'd hate to assume evryone has the same expereince.
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Pook72 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Pook72 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 January 2012 at 12:05pm
Thanks for your replies!

We are waiting for our first appointment /induction day. I had guessed that it's not going to be an easy process at all!
June 99. June 09, Dec 09, Sept 10 March 12
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote sunsurfsand Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 31 January 2012 at 7:33pm
Hello, nice to "meet" you Pook72 My husband and I just put in our adoption papers with CYFS. www.adoptionoption.org.nz is a great resource. I'm starting to volunteer with them to help get the positive word out about adopting. They are fantastic and if more girls knew about all of the positive aspects of placing a baby for adoption, more would adopt. I believe they also work with helping GP's educate pregnant women on adoption. Adoption Option is a non-profit trust and they are definitely looking for people. Might be helpful for support
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote rosiefarmer Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 February 2012 at 9:53am
Hi ladies,

I'd just come across this topic. I too would love to chat to other adoptive or home for life parents. Also added our story - as Guest_68214 said, the process is very invasive, but I also feel they need to ask the questions they do, as they want a loving and caring home. CYPS didnt grill our refrees. At the end of the day if it is something you really want to do, you'll answer the questions as honestly as you can.

OUR STORY

It has pretty much taken us a year from our 1st adoption day to get assessed and our profile accepted. We got a letter to say our profile was in the adoption pool on my 40th birthday. I said to my DH, "we cant do anymore now, chill and relax".

Anyhow 11 days after we got a phonecall to say they had a baby for us through home for life are you interested? They didnt have to ask twice, off to town we went to discuss plans this is on Friday...On Sunday night we got our baby...Two days to organize baby stuff, but thanks to DH's great family we have more than enough stuff, helps that his nieces have younger boys too.

I am a mum again 18 years after my DS was born. My DH is a daddy for the 1st time ever and we are both just over the moon.

Sharpie - love your ticker
IVF - ICIS 1 - June 2010 BFN
TER - Oct 2010 BFN
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Luckymama23 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 February 2012 at 10:19am
Pook- no advice sorry, we are in a similar situation to you, have just started the induction training.
But just wanted to say best of luck to you

And Rosie farmer what an awesome story

Sorry to thread Jack ... but Rosie farmer- do you mind me asking-
how you are finding home for life? how much contact do you have with you babies birth family? and legal implications around care etc?
-Sorry if that sounds really rude, but just trying to figure out how it works a bit more
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rosiefarmer View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote rosiefarmer Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 February 2012 at 10:56am

Luckymama23 wrote:

Sorry to thread Jack ... but Rosie farmer- do you mind me asking-
how you are finding home for life? how much contact do you have with you babies birth family? and legal implications around care etc?
-Sorry if that sounds really rude, but just trying to figure out how it works a bit more


Its all pretty new to me too luckymama. But I am loving been a mum again. We have already had one visit with birth parents, they are supervised and we weren't there. It made us both feel sick when we were asked to drop baby off, but at the end of the day it wasn't too bad. Hopefully we will only be having 4 visits a year. atm still getting through legal issues, but hoping to be made full legal guardians, I guess it is a long process time will tell.
IVF - ICIS 1 - June 2010 BFN
TER - Oct 2010 BFN
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31st May no heartbeat D & C ,
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Luckymama23 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Luckymama23 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 February 2012 at 9:08am
Thats fantastic Rosiefarmer!
-from reading the info from CYFS I couldnt really understand home for life
But it sounds like a wonderful idea, congrats again on your bub
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote sunsurfsand Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 February 2012 at 9:28am
I would love to hear positive stories on adoption. Hubby and I are very discouraged after attending both training days with CYFS. They were awful, both days. CYFS comes across as being anti-adoption! The other couples there were shocked at the lack of empathy and the lack of promoting adoption. We thought they would be pro-adoption, but they only are on the surface. Their focus is absolutely to keep babies/children with their birth parents even in abusive situations because "it's her/his mum", and even if the girls are unable take care of the baby. We were shocked to see hear about how many of these babies were damaged by their families and then thrown into the system as young children AFTER the birth parents had done the damage. All because, after all, it's family and that is the only thing that matters. Grumble.

I would like to know why they do not have more programmes to support pregnant girls, to help them, guide them to the best decision for the child? Not force adoption, but to at least help them make an educated decision based on circumstance. After all, it is truly about love and the wonderful birth mother's role in deciding that there could be a much better life for her baby, and that she can still have wonderful contact and relationship in an open adoption. Why don't they present that as an option? The positives, the open relationship that can occur?

Sorry for the grumble. I know we are not alone in our assessment of CYFS, others walked out horrified at how insensitive they are to adoptive parents and those struggling with infertility (already a painful journey).
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rosiefarmer View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote rosiefarmer Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 February 2012 at 7:45pm
Totally agree with you sunsurfsand - they certainly dont encourage adoption. But I know of 3 couples in my area that adopted last year, so it does happen.

If you really want to adopt - just go through the process, once you get to do your home assessments (hopefully you get a really nice social worker) as they are more sensitive when they are one on one for some reason. Well thats what we found anyway.

We walked away from your very 1st training day feeling the same as you.
IVF - ICIS 1 - June 2010 BFN
TER - Oct 2010 BFN
IVF - ICIS 2 - April 2011
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31st May no heartbeat D & C ,
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote bubbles Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 March 2012 at 11:28am
Our adoption experience has been amazing. The CYFS social workers were really lovely... The whole process has been quite wonderful and not too difficult at all (other than the waiting, but they can't control that). We were in the pool for 18 months and adopted our baby in early 2011. She is legally ours now.

We didn't find the process intrusive at all. We could tell that there was some tension at CYFS due to big changes afoot, but the people we dealt with were lovely - the sort of people that have a 'calling' not a job (passionate about what they do).

The people in this thread who have complained about the seminars and the questions need to think about it: CYFS are responsible for handing over a precious little life to you, so for the baby's sake there certainly should be some fairly rigorous inquiry. I'm glad its that way, its encouraging that the baby's needs are taken so seriously.

The only thing I wish was better with the process that we went through, is the post-adoption support for adoptive parents. Once it's all official and you have your baby, you're on your own. The sudden-ness of adoption means you can be left reeling from the crazy fast pace of it all. But that's all very very minor in comparison to the amazing 'gift' we have been given.

All the best everyone. Never give up on your hope.


Edited by bubbles
If you're going through hell, keep going!
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Luckymama23 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Luckymama23 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 March 2012 at 8:48pm
Congrats bubbles!
Awesome to hear about a success story!
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Pook72 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Pook72 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 March 2012 at 7:36pm
Hi every one! Thank you so much for everything here! We have been to the first induction day and it does seem like a long road from here! We will persevere though as there seem to be so many lovely stories of success! I have also met a lady in Auckland and both her children are adopted! I have a bit more hope now as the induction day seemed to put people off adoption as the emphasis seems to be with children staying with family.

This has come at good timing as I am pregnant for the 5th time but already things are look at going pear shaped with low HCG's. As they say though, there is more than one way to skin a cat!
June 99. June 09, Dec 09, Sept 10 March 12
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Elizabeth169343 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 16 February 2015 at 9:44pm
I am most likely going to adopt a family members baby due in july cyf were already involved with this baby and if the mother does not choose us we will be home for life caregivers anyway does anyone know the difference between adoption & home for life?
the baby will be new born when placed with us either way
who does the birth certificate?
what about parents visiting rights?
what about grandparents rights?

also I dont know if i will qualify for paid parental leave (in the case of aqdoption) so im finding $ hard to plan for - we will be fine but i have planning ocd!
the how we tell our friends and family the paperwork buying baby things - in desperate need of a carseat- just in case
too much unknown and too many choices!
HELP!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote _Soda_ Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 16 February 2015 at 10:00pm
Elizabeth I think you are entitiled to paid parental leave in the case of adoption- have a look on here: http://www.dol.govt.nz/er/holidaysandleave/parentalleave/eligibility/adoptive.asp good luck! this is something we are considering looking into more If our fertility treatment isnt successful (in the middle of it all now) so its lovely to read the success stories!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Elizabeth169343 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 16 February 2015 at 10:17pm
the problem is that I only work relieving as required so no permanent hours but have worked with same employer for over 1 year if i was in full time permanent work then yes I would be entitled for adoption
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote sumitasofat Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 December 2015 at 9:33pm
Sorry I have no idea about this... But I have heard that it takes too much long time.
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