Am I normal, or is there something wrong?

I've been lurking in this section for quite a while, but never posted. It's made me think a lot though. I don't know if the way that I feel is normal feelings, or otherwise. I did the Edinburgh test and scored 15, but I think...nah I'm not depressed, what do I have to be depressed about. The girls sleep through the night, and always have done. They eat what they're supposed to, grow like they're supposed to, don't get sick much, we don't have many problems with teething - they're just, in general, really cruisy girls.....so why do I feel like this? I am so angry all the time, and on one hand I feel like they'd actually be better off without me, but on the other, hmmm... And I don't feel that "connected" to them...sure, they're gorgeous, and they're my kids, but they're just 2 more babies. I am not a "natural" mum, by any means, but the girls seem happy enough with me, and I seem to be their #1.

I have a full plate, I work part-time, and am studying full-time as well (although I have just failed my last 3 papers ) as well as looking after the girls and usually the house as well (and making all decisions for the girls, even if DH is looking after them). DH and I are having problems, or rather, I am having problems really, and single parenting may be an option in the future.

I dunno. Am I normal, are these feelings normal?? Sometimes I don't know.

Sorry, I had to finally get it out, because I'm not sure anymore.

I know how you feel, I have been there. Next time you see me on FB hit me up and we can have a chat.

have a quick look at my thread on SAD........its becoming quite apparent theres alot more sufferers than first thought, it could be you??

I don't think mine is seasonal either tbh.

i had a chat to my doc about mine and mine was PND but they can be just normal too..for me being stuck at home and not feeling in control and feeling guilty about not enjoying being at home like i thought i would all contributed.. with Ethan i was so in love with him but i would look at him and think oh that's right you are mine.. but i guess i was used to being slightly distant cause i looked after under 2's for a job too..

my relationship went downhill too partly cause DH was like..you arent depressed? and also cause he;s hard to communicate with.. I've read some of your posts about DH and I can see how that situation makes things much harder for you too.. we have begun spending time with just us when bub is asleep and trying hard to try to see things from each others point of view(which is hard)!!!

anyway i think the feelings can be normal but can also end in PND/depression so if you feel comfortable I would talk to your doc about it to see what they think...

I was similar in the fact i didnt think what i had was pnd because i 'didnt have it that bad' and i didnt seek help until DS was over a year. Once i was on the meds again (used to be on them pre baby) i realised that what i had been feeling wasnt normal as such and life was a lot better for everyone, even though i didnt think my actions were effecting anyone.

yes very well said..it's nice to see we arent alone!

I didn't see my GP about PND until Jack was about 2.5yrs and I had PND pretty much from the start I think. I just felt so much better once I had talked with him.

I was initially opposed to going on meds and he arranged some counselling for me which I think really helped as I was able to work out why I felt the way I did. I have a need to do everything properly/correctly and Jack wasn't/isn't a text book baby and I struggled with trying to do everything the way I thought I should be doing it as he wouldn't co-operate. My expectations of how well I should be doing as a Mum weren't being met. There were a few others things behind it but the counselling helped me see that I was doing a good job and it didn't matter if it wasn't text book, it helped me relax and enjoy life more. Everyone commented on how much happier I seemed.

A few months later I did end up going on meds and that made things even better. I still have my bad days but bad days just like everyone else. My relationship with DH has been alot better as well as he bore the brunt of the PND (although it is being tested again as we have his parents staying with use for the week! )

I suppose what I am trying to say is that there are various reasons for having PND, not just having a 'difficult' child. Including the fact that you have a hell of a lot on your plate Minik8e!! That must make for a very busy time and stretching yourself pretty thin. I would suggest just going to see your Dr or calling MMH if you prefer. Have a chat to someone and I would suggest counselling as well as meds. I don't know about your relationship with your DH but you may find that getting this sorted may help it.

Good luck and there are heaps of us here to talk to, support and help!

I haven't read through all the replies but your Edinburgh scores are quite high. There are heaps of factors as to why you get PND. Sometimes it has nothing to do with whether or not you have a cruisy baby. TBH - my baby is brilliant. He sleeps well and feeds pretty well and is pretty happy. We have a good connection. I did have major breastfeeding problems for the first 4-6wks but once I was through that it was cruisy. However, I had loads of risk factors (which I knew about before having DS):

- I have a history of depression and mental illness (depression) in one member of my family
- I had a very difficult labour
- I had stress during my pregnancy including a few health issues
- I had marital problems and still do
- I had financial problems and still do
- I had feeding problems
- Have very little support including family support
- I had a long period of baby blues - about a week and then I "made myself" stop crying

I also had the type of personality that puts me at risk of PND - likes to be in control of things, don't adapt well (ie. I fall apart a bit if Plan A doesn't work out...instead of going with the flow). So when my expectations weren't met I didn't cope well. Also I'm a big people person and love to be out - so I find it very difficult being at home with a baby a lot of the time.

Of course, there are other risk factors and some people have none of them and it's just the hormones that set them off.

You really don't have to have a difficult baby or a baby with reflux/colic etc. to have PND.

PND normally arises after the 3mth mark - and up to 2yrs after the birth. Often mothers don't pick up on it and the first few months is really just survival.

In your situation (both of you that mentioned high Edinburgh scale scores), I would speak to your GP and if you feel it's too early to go on medication, I would see a counsellor. I saw a counsellor first, but eventually I had to go to the GP because it just got worse.

Tehehehe that sounds like a plan Huntersmummy!!! I am going down on the Friday too so it would be pretty cool!!!

I have risk factors newlywed, and we were a little aware of them...I have a history of depression, as do other members of my family. I had a very stressful pregnancy - not just because it was twins, but when I was 17w pregnant DH broke his leg and was off work for 4 months, yes he was on ACC but that doesn't pay so well, and I had to finish work at 28w because I couldn't walk due to SPD basically. That was on top of the GD, severe swelling and fluid retention and also severe heartburn which medication didn't help with. I then had premature labour, and my girls never BF (which I don't have a problem with, in the slightest).

I am going to ring and make an appointment with the doctor tomorrow, so will probably see him next week.