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jacksmamma 
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Joined: 27 April 2011
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 Topic: No dad, partner wants to be "dad"
Posted: 24 August 2011 at 1:03am |
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Im not sure where to go for advice so have decided to seek it here!
My partner is not my babys father, my babys father has never been in the picture (didnt want to be apart of his life etc) I have accepted this fact and have really considered the father potential when meeting new guys. My current partner is wonderful, he has been in my sons life for 6 months now and has started making intrest in beomcing the father in his life, we are currently looking at moving in together as a family, and i really see him as the long term, but i dont actually know what to do with this situation!!! He doesnt really either, but has put it to me as what do I want? i dont know!! i am happy to support whatever they decide between themselves, and should the unfortonate happen and we are no longer together, i would not stop them from having their own relationship still.
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choco69
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Joined: 30 August 2008
Location: North Shore, Auckland
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Posted: 24 August 2011 at 7:49am |
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i have a friend who is in a similar situation - her wee boy is 3 and she has been with her current partner for 1 year and they are now living together
whilst her little boy knows that X is not his father he has the relationship with X just as a dad/son would normally have - for them it was a matter of letting the 2 of them naturally develop whatever was going to develop
the hardest part that she found was around consistent partenting styles as her and her partner have had to talk about discipline, roles and responsibilites etc - think it has made them stronger as a couple and they are now looking to have a baby together - so guess it is working out for them
and think if there relationship were to fail that X would still want to be involved in her wee boys life too
best of luck
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Plushie
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Joined: 21 May 2008
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Posted: 24 August 2011 at 1:22pm |
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I am not in your situation but have thought about it for the future. I think i would let them develop their own relationship. Not force him to call your parter dad or your partner to act as his father. I suspect the longer you are together it will all naturally fall into place especially if you move in together and the relationship will just bloom of its own account without any structing or meddling. Just my 2c though like i said i'm not yet in your situation.
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Shelt
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Joined: 17 May 2008
Location: Tauranga
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Posted: 24 August 2011 at 10:13pm |
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I agree with Bowie, I think that things might just naturally fall into place given some time.
I recently ended a relationship where we had come to this position. My situation was a little different in that my DD does go to her Dads for a day/overnight a week. My (now ex) partner and I had been together for 9 months and were going to move in and we had had some discussions about parenting, and how we would deal with things when we moved in and responsibilities for things. The position we were moving towards was that I would be "in charge" of all things related to DD but that he would help or back me up when he saw that I needed it or I asked for it. We agreed that we would discuss the issues as they came up and he would try to be as consistant as possible with my parenting decisions. She just called him by his first name because she already has a Dad. When we broke up he asked to see her a couple of times but she didn't want to see him and so I didn't push it. He hasn't asked again.
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TheKelly
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Posted: 25 August 2011 at 10:16pm |
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My daughter has a biological father that loves her very much.
She also has my husband who,for every intent and purpose apart from blood,is her dad as well.
I had been with him for about 6months when she decided to start calling him dad,and he was ok with it,5 years on and I forget sometimes that they aren't actually related...yet she still has a good relationship with her other daddy too.
Just let things take its course,if he wants to be a dad,and is willing to be a dad ,then he sounds like a great guy,...remember,any man can be a father,that just takes a bit of sperm,it takes someone pretty special to be a dad.
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jacksmamma
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Posted: 26 August 2011 at 12:32am |
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Thank you ladies, so far its all been a good help, its exactly what ive thought, just let nature take its course. Ive told him this too and said that its between the two of them how their relationship develops and grows and then my sons decision on the "dad" name.. but we will see in time xx
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KAC09
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Posted: 26 August 2011 at 4:08pm |
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I know of some friends of mine, where the guy was with her for 3yrs, and her kid was like 5. and one day not sure when the daughter whispered "goodnight dad" into her pillow one night & a few more times she would say it just loud enough that they could kinda hear it & eventually she had decided that was her dad. & He was never happier. Unforunitly the 2 of them broke up but he has remained her dad since then (shes now 7) and has her overnight twice a week i think & takes her on trips to see his family and overseas etc. The girl means more to him then I think the relationship ever did.
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....
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Location: Timaru
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Posted: 26 August 2011 at 5:45pm |
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I've been tip toeing around this question with Bentley's Godfather, especially since Father's Day is coming up and I want to get him a card that doesn't make him feel uncomfortable, but also doesn't make light of the amazing job he's been doing.
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No dad, partner wants to be "dad"
