Rant: Ex wants back in childs life

This makes me so angry!!! I decided to get a court order against my sons father becuase he hadnt had contact in over 13 months. Hes 16 months old and the last time he saw his dad he was 6 weeks old. I go to all the effort hiring a lawyer etc. Just to have that safety net of knowing the ex cant just show and and steal my kid.

Then he goes and responds requesting back in to his sons life. AHHHHH! I am sooooo happy with not having him in my life & my son is finally had a stable life & coming right & this happends!

But of course he has all the rights in this situation as the govt says the child has rights to both parents. Even though I honestly belive his father will never be in the best interest of being in his sons life. I have no way to "prove" this.

His father has always been an alcholic, he has already been in his life & left his sons life. He has 2 sons & did the same with both. How many kids is he allowed to have and abonden and then come back in and pretend like he was always there.

Then to top it all off im a full time student and have enough stress in my life without adding this to one of them. Being a stressed mother is not in the best interest of my child.

I am in no way implying that it is in "the best interest of a child" to cut a parent out. But really if you abonden your child it will screw them up more to have them come in and out as it pleases them. Its so stupid he has already proven he will do that. Then to top it all off apperantly he has changed and is going to AA and all this. I dont belive it and dont think its fair that my son gets to be a gimmick in his life to empress his gf.

He is also asking for visting rights at his mums house, she lives 2 hrs away from me, 1. I dont have the moeny to travel that far, 2. I dont have the time. He abondens his kid for over a yr & has not brought him bday presents or xmas presents & he expects me to travel??? Bugger that. That is not in the best interest of anyone. Also he doesnt really know his mum, hes meet her twice & I was of corse present the whole time.

The weekend is my time, with my son. the only time I get. I did all the work & he just gets to come in part way in & take my time away from my son. It just seems un fair towards me. Unfair towards my son. AHHHHHH I am just so angry.

Sorry long post, just really frickin mad right now. Had to get it off my chest.

No frekle I didnt, even when I was with him, I would have NEVER let him be alone with the child. EVER. Regardless. I left him the minute I was pregnant pretty much because I realise what a sh*t hole I was in and I didnt want my child to be exposed to that life. He is a drunk & has another kid whom he abonded at 1st as well. I was young and in a bad place in my life when I was with him and made the wrong choice. As soon as I was with child it made me open my eyes & do what was best for my son and I have never regreted this decision.

The 2nd thing is I dont belive it is genuine at all. he is never genunie he always has an alternatertive motive and it wont last.

the 3rd thing is I have been working towards leaving the country in a few years time, and it is in the best interest of both my son and me to leave. I told his father when my my son was born that is whats happening and he said go. That was the time he was welcome to have input (before he abondended his son). So what is the point he will be too young to remember ever metting his father? It just feels selfish to be involved now.

Also the demands of vistation rights which I have not yet seen are apperantly according to my lawyer, unresonable and not good enough.

Having an alcholic father pass out in front of him is not in anyway of being best interest for my son.

I totally feel you KAC. I havent pushed for a day to day order because i know DS's dad would react the exact same way. That SUCKS. I suggest you focus on fighting the bits that you can win iykwim. The court obviously is going to let your ex have access so focus on things like supervised visits (at least to start) alcholol counselling, visits to NOT be 2 hrs drive away etc. I agree that its great for your son to have his dad in his life but if he's anything like my ex he will be interested and involved just long enough to your son to form a bond then get bored and give up again. I hope he doesnt let your son down.

the process can be a long and drawn out one and if as you say he isnt really that interested in your son then he may lose interest and give up. The fact that he hasnt spent time with your son before now will go in your favour and just because he wants to have access for his mother doesnt mean you have to allow it, if he wanted her to see him then it should be on his time anyway. Pretty sure that counselling for both of you is still a requirement in these cases before the next step and that will give you a chance to talk to him about some of this and see if you think he really has changed.

Feel your pain! I got married during a not so great period in my life and left after DS1 was born. There was a long list of domestic violence offences to back up my custody battles (and omg battles they were) so I probably had a better hand of cards than you and in the end I got full custody and full control over any visitations (I got to decided whether there was contact and when and how it was arranged). I made the decision to encourage visitation though because while I do worry about any attachment my son might make or bad influences my ex might provide, I want to be able to show my son that I respected his heritage. I may be sad that my now DH isn't DS1s biological father (though he is his dad in every way that matters) but I don't want my DS to grow up thinking I was ashamed of part of his heritage or that I want to pretend that something that makes him who is he doesn't exist. I also want him to be able to see for himself what kind of man his biological dad is, and if I was to be the 'bad guy' refusing access then that could cause DS1 to favour his bio dad and see him through rose coloured glasses. My ex actually can rarely be bothered making contact now but its always been supervised at our home or my parents house and I implemented a rule that DS was to call the ex by his given name, not dad (he calls my now DH dad) as that was a right to be earned. DS recognises a connection with his bio father, he knows that somehow hes important, but they don't have a relationship.

My decisions in this area stem from personal experience. I grew up with awesome parents, I always knew I was adopted by my dad but it didn't matter. what did matter was my mum refusing to tell me anything about my biological dad. It sucked and it made me angry as I got older, not because I wanted another dad but because I felt I deserved the right to make my own decision. FTR I finally met my biological dad and I love him to bits lol hes a total commitment-phobe and I doubt he would have made a reliable father figure but hes a lovely guy.

Anyway hope you get all this sorted out hun.

The thing i say to myself when things are hard with my ex is 'did you do everything you could'. When DS is old enough to ask about his dad and why he isnt around i want to be able to look him in the face and honestly say i did everything i could for them to have a relationship. DSs dad literally just spent 20 minutes with him, but didnt look at, talk to or hold him. Or talk to me for that case. Walked 5m ahead of us to the playground and stood 5m to the side watching with hands in pockets while i pushed him on the swings then walked 5m behind us home again. Weirdo. But at least i know that i tried to get him and his dad to have a relationship and if he keeps being such a dick then my son will remember his dad showing up and not caring instead of me standing in between them.

I feel like their is a train heading too fast down a track and the courts are pushing my son onto the tracks & I am not allowed to save him from being hit. I dont care if he has a relationship with his father. I have heaps of friends have that dont have relationships with their fathers and honestly dont care. I dont care if my son hates me in 18 yrs time because I stopped him. because at least it means hes alive and safe. Thats all I wanna do is keep my son alive and safe. Emotionally & physically. I honnestly know he will cause emotional abuse towards my son. His 1st child was a good kid until his father came back into his live and now hes an uncontrolable devil child (i mean that in the nicest way). I dont want my son to be like his brother by having a unstable emotionally stunted guy in his life. (who is like this because every time he himself saw his father, he was completly drunk off his face)... I dont want my son to be the 3rd generation.

Just read his response to the avidavid. Basically every line is a lie. No truth to everything. Basically I am a spitful women who deprived him of a son and made his life so stressful because I was too much in love with him and wanted him back and used our son as a weapen to minuplate him into getting back together with him. And that he tried to contact me in November but I refused. And I wanted him to see his son twice a week, which would have caused him the inablitly to see his 1st son.

1st off what the hell???? I dont love you, I dont like you, I left you buddy. If I wanted you, I would have stayed with you. You are a piece of crap and I am way toooo good for you. You were lucky to ever touch someone as great as me!!! I come from a well educated, middle- upper class life, and you are nothing more then a minuplative alcholic who comes from a white trash background with nothing to offer society, except more chidren just like you. (Sorry had to get that off my chest). And the last year without you in my life has easily been the best year of my life. If I wanted you back so much buddy why would I have cut contact & stopped you seeing ya son? I would have begged to see you every day?!?


The 3 times he visited ( 3 weekly. not fornightly) was 1 to sign a birth certifcate, as I told him he had 2 choices, sign it or I would send it in without his signature as I was not going to be mucked around by him. I never said he had to. It was his choice. simpey sign it or dont. 1 he was late, he stayed for about 30mins - hour. (if that) then left, becuase apperantly he didnt have time. the next visit he came to hunters vacinations. I had asked him to stay the whole day as his son would be in a bad way afterwards and it woud be nice to have 2 pairs of eyes etc. he agreeed. then turned up as soon as we got home, he left. I asked why he wasnt staying. He said I have things to do, I said you said you'd be here all day, he simpy responeded no I didnt agree to that. (not to metion I had, had a blood test that day which makes me completly light headed, and wasnt in the best state to ook after a child, to which I had to get my mum to come over and help me even though she was working)

3rd of all I would never ever ever use my son to minuplate anyone. He is my only one true love in this world and I would only do what was best for him as best as I can.

He also said he gave me money for Hunter whilst I was pregnant. Yes but that was for ya car insurance & contents insurance you wouldnt bother getting in your own name and came outta my account. And the money wasnt regular it was a $50 whenever he felt. I was being nice to allow him time to get it sorted. Because i am a decent human being.

Hes twisted all these lies. He also commented hes been in a relationship with a women since after our marriage separated. BULL SH*T, you were with her before we split you cheating bastard!

I was nice in my avidavid. I left out all the alcholism and emotional abuse. I was civil. Yet hes turned it around to make me sound like a minuplative nasty ex, with a adgenda. Uck!

What i am willing to offer (dont want to but if I have to) is 30minutes-hour for 6 weeks. once every week. To set up a bond between both parties. to which after such period if Hunter has showen he feels comfortable it can get to 2hours. However no more then 2 hours will be offered because Of the time of day offered & my sons attention span. Also limited time not needing a feed or sleeping limites any extra time whilst Hunter is a baby. He can have either monday nights or friday nights after uni. the time must always be supivsed by me. as this will keep my son feeling safe and secure. No supervision to be lifted as he is an untrusting alcholic, who could cause harm. We have a full scedual and if his father wants access it should be to fit Hunters current schedual not his fathers.

Sorry Minx I don't feel I need to get help for my anger, as its not an issue. I thought my last post was considerably fair considering he hasnt taken part in his child life in over a year and his avidaithed was more about accussing me of being a bad parent etc. then actually about the child. in fact 1 line was about the child.