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dino1 
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Joined: 01 October 2009
Points: 316
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 Topic: custody
Posted: 11 October 2010 at 12:11pm |
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I am planning on leaving my husband due to reasons I willn't go into. But I don't want to have to send my 4mth old to his house for overnights she is breastfed while he is not a bad father he is also not that hands on other then a bath and a few cuddles each day, do the courts normal make you do the 50/50 custody or will he more likely get visitation when she is this young
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mum24
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Joined: 11 October 2010
Points: 7
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Posted: 11 October 2010 at 12:33pm |
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50/50 shared care is not the defult position in NZ family court. However your child has a right to see her dad in a way that works for him and her. Your best beat is to contact the family court in your area as they can arrange six free counselling sessions for you and your husband to work out a visitation plan to keep it out of court. You should review your arrangement every 3-6 months while your child is so young. Lots of men become hands on dads when they need too. However while fully breastfed or until 9-12months visits should be planned around the child.
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EmDee
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Joined: 01 January 1900
Location: Waikato
Points: 4407
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Posted: 11 October 2010 at 5:18pm |
Sorry I don't have any advice, but big hugs hun 
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DS 8
DD 6
DS 4
DD 2
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NikkiCham
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Joined: 25 May 2009
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Posted: 11 March 2011 at 7:04pm |
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Possibly to late for you but I'm in the beginning stages of this too.
Best advice I could give you is get hold of citizens advice bureau and a lawyer.
First step is putting a parenting order in place. This means you say what you think is resonable as far as access etc...
Good luck. It sucks.
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HuntersMama
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Joined: 09 November 2008
Location: Auckland
Points: 1863
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Posted: 11 March 2011 at 9:25pm |
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My son is 13 months and I have just got back from dropping him off to his dads for his first overnighter and I am NOT a happy mama!!!
I have held off until now, but he just really wore me down so I gave in. I was scared he would go for weekend custody or something equally as stupid if I played hard ball. It sux becuase I now have to work full time (since he left us) and I love my weekends with DS, pretty much the only time we have togethr.
Its a horrible situation to be in. Im not sure what would happen if you went through the courts. We included custody in our separation order my lawyer drew up.
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Shelt
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Joined: 17 May 2008
Location: Tauranga
Points: 1181
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Posted: 12 March 2011 at 9:52pm |
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My daughter was 11 months when I went through this. Her lawyer assessed her father and I when she was approx 15 months old and decided she should go to her fathers at least one overnight a week to start with, and this started at 20 months old (the delay was due to other factors as we were still arguing about the details). I think that unless you have a really good reason the courts generally can't see why the father shouldn't have one overnight a week. It apparently is supposed to help the child bond with their father. In my experience it has caused more problems than it has solved but that is just my experience and certainly I know other kids who have coped with it better from a younger age.
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Westy1
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Joined: 18 August 2007
Location: West Auckland
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Posted: 25 April 2011 at 10:07pm |
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at 4mnths old id say the courts would lean more to and favour you and he would just have visition since the baby is still breastfeeding...but thats just my thoughts tho. my 3 1/2yr old daughter is udner cyfs custody but allowed to live with me. her father and i had a violent relationship so he only gets two days where he is allowed to see her. but that happend about 8mnths ago now tho but there is absoloutly NO WAY in hell where i would forgive him for what he did...and yes my daughter was involved in some of what he did do to me and did also see some of the results too and that is just unforgivable too...im sorry if anyone disagrees there, i am so over him, its just like "how dare he put our daughter through all that"!...
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mamanee
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Joined: 01 January 1900
Location: Hamilton
Points: 2244
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Posted: 16 May 2011 at 8:59pm |
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I think 4 months is a wee bit too young for overnight stays especially if she is still breastfed. I agree that your child has a right to have a relationship with her father and the sooner you put in place an agreement that you are both happy with, the sooner your child will become accustomed to the situation and it will be easier for all involved. My eldest child goes with his father ever third weekend and has done for over two years now. We are at a place where he is happy to go, I am happy for him to go, as I know he is safe, well looked after and has a great relationship with his dad and his dad's parents. And this is coming from a toxic and bitter relationship that needed to end for the benefit of our child. It takes a lot of time and effort and selflessness in order to share a child, and at the end of the day, it is about your child, not you, and they have a right to a good relationship with both parents.
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custody
