Replacement family

DS1's bio dad has never been interested in having much to do with him which of course hasn't been a *huge* deal since a. hes a loser and b. my DH is for all intents and purposes DS1's daddy having been with us since DS1 was about 3mo. I've always kept the door open though and encouraged visits (which incidentally were few and far between as he just wasn't interested), etc because I want DS1 to know that its all ok IYKWIM, I don't want him feeling guilty about the connection or y'know have any reason to hold it against me.
Anyway we moved down South just before christmas and other than when we were back up for a funeral we haven't seen or heard from the ex. I got on FB about a month ago and he'd had a random, out of the blue rant at me about how I was ignoring him and what the f*ck was wrong with me, then I suddenly saw that he'd uploaded photos of DS1 and hadn't even had the sense to mark them private. I'd already messaged him and other family asking that nobody upload pics of the kids without checking with me so I was pretty pissed most especially since he was making comments about 'his son' when the stupid SOB hasn't even talked to DS1 in 8 months!!! So when I messaged him saying like atleast set the photos to private he defriended me, yelled at me over the phone again about how I was trying to cut him out of DS1's life and made random threats. At his request I messaged through our skype details and postal address - a fortnight has been and gone and we've heard nothing. The photos are still up which is a nuisance but I know its just one of those things and he's refused to refriend me which isn't really a prob since his wall is public so I can keep tabs on him which is how I saw these posts about how his life is so awesome, hes so happy, etc etc. Apparently he's met this girl and she's got a little girl so he's having a fine time playing daddy and they're sending loveydovey messages to each other all the time, he's commenting on how he's changing the babies nappy and getting her ready for bed, etc yet his *biological* son didn't even get a birthday card! I know sh*t like this happens to other people too, but its so f**king gutting. DS1 is an amazing kid, he's smart and funny and loving, and this moron is treating him like he's replaceable. He's been a right PITA for almost a month because, I dunno, it suited him, then he's off playing happy families and posting comments about how its about time life treated him right and how happy he is with 'his girls' and I'm just thinking WTF?? Dude you had a family that was good for you and you literally threw us away coz you were a f**king dick who couldn't keep your fists to yourself!!!!

:sigh: anyway I'm frustrated because I can't protect my little boy from this idiot, sad because it *will* hurt him at some point, angry because I've worked so f**king hard to do the right thing yet he can just pretend that he's the hard-done-by one, and a tad freaked because he was all set to sign adoption papers and this is gonna throw a major spanner in the works til either this relationship falls apart or... well I dunno... probably gonna have to wait now til he's single and feels miserable now :sigh: he always gets on a major power trip when he feels things are going right

Ok so yep thats it. Just needed to offload.

I think I have my own baggage coz I have 2 dads and there were some issues I really struggled with including knowing that the guy on my birth cert had gone off and got married and had a couple more kids but had never made any attempt to see how I was doing - obviously a similar point that is upsetting me with the dumbarse ex and his readymade little family I don't want my baby to feel any less worthwhile because his sperm donor is too stupid to know how special he is.

Haha @ the rude comments - I was imagining just what I'd like to write on his wall today when I was getting all riled up and thought he should thank his lucky stars he defriended me

TBH I've had enough. He's just not gonna get an opportunity to see DS1 anymore. Luckily I got an awesome judge for our custody drama who actually laughed outloud at some of the ex's ridiculous claims, told him to shut up or get out and promptly gave all power of visitation to me meaning its 100% at my discretion if, when and how any visitation occurs. So until such time as DS1 actually wants to see him I'm using my discretiom. It won't matter to DS1, he doesn't recognise the ex as his father in any way except as someone who gave mummy seeds for the garden to grow DS (hes really into gardening and thats how he interpreted our attempt at an explanation ). Thank God for such an awesome DH - he adores the boys equally so DS1 will never feel anything less than total acceptance and belonging in this home

Babe that sux and sounds exactly like my ex! He and his "girlfriend" write messages back and forward on FB and she even wrote him a message on Fathers Day from her son and Hunter....umm, you are not my sons mother you crazy chick!

The ex plays happy families dropping her son to school, going to parent teacher interviews and playing daddy when he cant even be bothered to see his son unless it suits him.

My dad also left our family and had a new wife and 2 step kids and its not fun at all. I am not looking forward to my boy going through all that hurt

HM! WTF with the fathers day message??!!!

Seems like the ex and his 'family' have moved in together

Bizzy hes so all over the place that I hate not keeping a finger on his pulse IYKWIM. He's been so freaking random with some of the things hes done and its only been thanks to the forewarning I've had off his FB statuses that we've not been totally blindsided. The last time he was in a relationship (which disintegrated due to violence surprise surprise) he decided he wanted 50/50 rights because *she* decided she liked the idea of being a mummy it petered out and they broke up but I wouldn't put it past him to suddenly decide he wants to play happy families. Once we get the whole adoption/guardianship thing sorted (at christmas FX) he can go rot but til then its a juggling act to keep him onside

Yay

Yeah Mintyfresh good advice thanks! Its definitely something we're keeping in mind and we keep the 'horrible ex' conversations and DS1 separate.

Your poor sister BTW