How will we cope?!

Hi ladies,
I am using a different name just so no one knows who I am – as I am not quite separated yet and you never know whos lurking... But it may not be far off so just looking into how me and my two pre-schoolers would survive and thought you ladies might have some idea. I make pretty good money so don’t think I’d be entitled to anything while working (I work part time but am self-employed so on a good rate), but just looking at my bills roughly I would need at least 1000/wk after tax to live I think (400 rent/mortgage, 150 food, 150 power/ph etc, 250 daycare/kindy, 100 misc (clothes, presents, going out) plus rates etc). How much do you get if you are not working and living with two pre-schoolers? It probably wouldn’t cover my mortgage/rent and food right? OMG, I don’t know how we would survive without me increasing my hours – but in doing that daycare goes up and I would definitely not qualify for any assistance, right? Hubby is self employed and would make his income look minimal so unless he was happy to pay child support with a private arrangement (which he may do) they would hardly take anything off him, right?   And he would probably go for half care of the kids, so I’m sure that would mean I wouldn’t get anything eh? (Or worse, have to pay him!!).
This is just all too much to think about.
Let alone the stress it will cause to the kids if we do separate. Geez, I feel sick just thinking about it!
Sorry this is a bit of a mess --- just thinking out loud.

any help you can give, like income limits before you don't get any assistance etc would be great. Thanks.

Yeah I'm sure you could trim things in places.I am in a similar situation,self employed and on a good salary, and receive nothing from either WINZ or my baby's father. You can tighten your belt when you need to. For me it's meant that my accomodation is not flash, (was meant to have built a new house by now)and my poor old car hasnt been replaced yet (it's 22! eeek) but we are comfortable, and Alex lacks for nothing. Maybe look at vege garden, barter with a farmer for meat, cut back on cell phone or internet etc

Thanks for the feedback guys. I'm afraid I will probably be in mizpix's position if we do end up seperating .... but at least I do have a high income I guess - doesn't help with getting assistance, but you are right in that it would just be an adjustment in spending. Its so hard with house prices / rent in nice areas of ak being so high!! Yes I can do the odd job after hours, so that helpes income-wise.

Really hoping it doesn't come to us seperating, but we just don't seem to like each other any more!
Trying to hold it together for the sake of the kids, as I'm sure slightly unhappy parents together is better than the stress of us seperating (my 4yr old would be devastated) ..... but I guess there comes a point where we will be worse off together if we can't sort ourselves out!

Hey wottajotta

I separated from my hubby last year and have had to learn how to live with my 2 precious kiddies as a single parent - it really is very hard trying to nut everything out and adjust to a new way of living. But I think the bottom line is that your children need to be happy and safe - physically and emotionally.

I disagree with your comment that its better for the kids living with 2 unhappy parents together than having to go through a separation. I stayed with my hubby for that same reason, until I learned how much kids take on. They're like sponges, absorbing so much motre than we realize. And they are very perceptive, they know when things are rough between their parents. Since hubby moved out, my 3 year old son has leatrned that we live at Mummy's house and Daddy lives at his house. Daddy comes to visit sometimes, and takes him out sometimes and they have lots of fun, but then Daddy goes home to his house. It worked better than I imagined, and my 3yo is a lot happier and much more settled now because the tension in the home has gone. we are all much happier.

Regarding the money - It's amazing how you can learn to live on a single income when you have to. I don't know what you would be entitled to with what you earn, but with WFF and WINZ accomodation supps you may still qualify for something as a single parent. And don't forget, with your partner out of the house you will save money on food, power, water etc.  Men can eat a lot!! 

I guess if I was to offer any advice it would be to do what you need to do to keep your wee children happy and secure.  If things are not happy with you and your partner then your kids will pick up on that and it will affect them.  The money thing is not as important - you can work that out and adjust your spending to suit.

Hugs

 

Hi guys, thanks for your comments. We were going through a rough patch when I wrote this, and had a few arguements, but since we had a planned holiday coming up I kinda just kept the peace and tried to be normal (nicer) in the mean time ... and we have actually been getting on alot better and no more arguments recently! So hopfully it was just one of those bad patches that couples go through when you don't agree on certain things, and it will all work out in the end. I'll let you know if anything changes!

I did feel alot better when I went through all the financial stuiff and realised it would be OK either way, and I would cope.