Support

I have a freind who recently lost their little angel at 18 hours old. I would like to know what support i can offer and how much is too much?

Edited by chonny

Chonny - I too know this person. She is doing so amazingly! I saw her on Thurs and she had her usual spark and smile. I'm sure she just appreciates everyone's friendship right now.

My BF had a still born daughter 2;5 years ago. THe main thing is just "being there", and talking about baby if she wants to, whatever you do, don't not talk about baby, don't tip toe around the subject. The worst thing that people do (mistakenly) is pretend like BAby never existed, ignoring her or avoiding her. In a few months time it will "hit home" and thats when it's really important to be there for her. She will soon discover who her real friends are, and she will find she "loses touch" with alot of people after a while,a s people often just don't know what to say, and don't want to "offend" her or upset her, but that in itself is the most hurtful and offensive. Never ever forget she is a mum too. umm, not too sure what else I can offer? Is she intouch with SANDS group? they are awesome. She may not want to now, but she will do in the (probably near) future. Big hugs to you all, it is an awful thing to happen. xxxx

I Read that story! it made me cry! I remember it well!

Not sure if she in touch witht aht group, but i know another lady who lost a baby about 3 years ago who is in that group and one of the people who ring around. Aparently coz she was in AKL hospital she shoudl ahev the info. This lady told me it's important to mention the baby by name. She is a real person after all. I just don't want to bombard her you know. I'm only just getting to know her, but she knows if she needs washing done, or wants me to pick her older son up for a ocuple of hours and take him to music, or if she needs a lift, i have told her just to text me. With not being that close, i don't want to put my foot in the wrong place.

Thanks for everyone replying to this. I really appreciate the advice.

I sat with my friend and her husband this year, shortly after the birth of their second son as they kissed him goodbye. He was born before a viable gestational age.
From my personal point of view I would say to be there, I was there for them and held their hands and mopped the tears. I told her that I would go when she told me to go otherwise I was there for the duration. I really think my friend is my most valuable and most lovely friend and I would do it for her again in a heart beat, just as I am sure that she would do something as wonderful for me.

Big hugs to you and your friend Chonny. I can second (or third!) Annie that SANDS are wonderful, I have met a few ladies who are involved with them and my landlady does telephone counselling for them also, she lost her wee boy about five years ago now.
I'm working on a feature on pregnancy and infant loss for OHbaby! at the moment, it will be up in about 3 weeks.

I Can understand that. It was baby's due date yesterday, so when i was told this am that she wasn't up to coming out, i totally understood. And i hope that i will remember things like that. I haev to double check when she passed, i think it will be a month the sunday. It must be hard. I guess i'm finding it hard not knowing her well, but also, babies are my life, so it has really affected me.

fattartsrock wrote: my2angels wrote: another thing i thought of was remembering dates. I know my friend was really upset because no friend or family (apart from me) remembered that it would be say 3 months since B passed away, things like that. I know every saturday they will watch the clock till the time he died and then it goes from week to month. I would just acknowledge I knew it was say 2 months, and let her know I was thinking of them. She felt like everyone else had moved on and forgotten about B because they didnt acknowledge him. Third it! It meant so much to me when Maria texted me to say she was thinking of me on our angel's due date a few weeks ago yep I second this, the dates are super inportant

yep i would, just to let her know you havent forgotten and are thinking of them. its teh little things like that which will show how much you care