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BuzzyBee View Drop Down
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    Posted: 23 November 2007 at 9:06pm
Ok so please forgive me I am totally new to this site, have been surfing the odd threads and reading ...but decided it was time to make my own topic!

Im interested in talking to/meeting other young solo Mums on OHbaby!! From reading other threads I got the feeling that we are few and far between on here.

Anyone can feel free to comment and join in, even if your not a solo Mummy.

So ill start by introducing myself, im 20years old with an 8 month old beautiful son named Lucas Joshua. Currently living with my parents and younger brother out in South Auckland. His father is now living over in Aussie, has been since I was 4 months pregnant, we have no contact and he wants no involvement with his son. But there is no point dwelling over such things, I often forget it took the two of us to bring our little man into the world. Very happy with how things have turned out, Lucas has been a total blessing & I couldn't imagine my life without him now!

Lucas is a very happy and content little boy, has just started pulling himself up to stand in his cot Still fully breastfed, goes on and off his solids (Having a bit of trouble there) But by all means is very healthy....a BIG boy! Still not crawling properly, but moves backwards, and rocks on all fours. Loves to stand, roll, clap his hands and say his first word 'Dada'. *Sigh* ... so cute when he says it tho. Becoming cheekier and more adventurous by the day, managing to get into everything and can't sit still. Hate to think what the terrible twos are going to be like.

Would LOVE to hear from anyone else, please introduce yourself and your wee one. Give a blabber about them too.

PS. Does anyone live out this way (Papakura/manurewa/takanini/botany/manukau area) ...and if so do you know of any coffee groups???

Edited by Mum2Lucas
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MummyFreckle View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MummyFreckle Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 November 2007 at 9:18pm

Hi Stephanie, welcome to Oh Baby! I am sure that there are a couple of others in similar situations to yourself around here, so hopefully they will pop into this thread and say hello. It sounds like you are doing a fantastic job, and your wee boy sounds adorable. We do have fairly regular catch ups out at Botany (think there is one tomorrow) so that might be a good chance to meet some other mummies & babies!

 

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Leish View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Leish Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 November 2007 at 9:22pm
Hi ya Stephanie - your Lucas is just sooooo cute!!

I'm not a young single mum anymore but I was with my older son Christopher. I was 17 when I had him and it didn't take long for things to fizz out with his bio dad. I so understand what you mean about forgetting that it took both of you to bring Lucas in to the world. I got like that with Christopher's dad and now just think of him as a donor cos thats pretty much all he was/is. Doesn't have anything to do with Christopher at all. He wouldn't know him if Christopher if he walked past him in the street. I lived with my parents and siblings too when Christopher was really young and he developed a really special bond with both my dad and brother. We moved out of there when he was about 18 months old and moved in with my now husband.

He's 10 now and just the coolest kid. I think we both overcame the whole young and single mum stereotype and have come out the other side really well. I never could have done it without the support of my parents and its awesome that you have yours.

I'm in Wellington. I think there are a few young single mums in OB land.
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BuzzyBee View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote BuzzyBee Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 November 2007 at 9:32pm
Yes it is easy to fall into that young solo mum stereotype, what people don't realise is that we do the hard yards ...we are taking on both parenting roles! I don't know how I will ever trust a male again, let alone get into a relationship ...the idea is enough to send me running for the hills to be quite honest!

I love living with my parents, they have been so wonderful and supportive! Were both there throughout our 28 hour labour, rubbing my back and offering words of encouragement, Mum cut the cord and Dad got the first hold!! Was such a beautiful moment, first time I've seen my Dad cry ...we all were so teary eyed that morning. The bond that Lucas has with my parents, and that strong male bond with my father and brother I can already see it forming.

As for his father, I totally agree, he was nothing more than a donor & at the end of the day it's his loss. Some females choose to carry out the whole paternity testing and applying for child support & what have you ...but I can see how bitter one can become when they put themselves through that. I don't want the stress, nor the money or even to have him named as the father. No point forcing an issue or pushing a child on someone when they want nothing to do with them. Will just set my son up for disappointment and thats the last thing I want. Im so at peace with my decision.

Thank you for your words of encouragement, gives me hope that MAYBE ONEDAY I will find a decent man out there. And Congrats on getting so far and doing incredibly well!
Single Mum to a darling wee boy of 3 years :)
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Leish View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Leish Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 November 2007 at 9:47pm
We didn't need to go through the whole paternity thing. We were still *barely* together when Christopher was born and I named him on the birth cert but gave Christopher my surname. The donor moved to Auck and tried to take me to court blah blah blah thats another story for another day I got a job as soon as I could so I could cut his child support. I didn't want him to help bring up my son and he never pushed it. As long as you are happy with your decision then thats the most important thing. One day Lucas will have his questions and if you have done things for him and with his best intentions at heart then you can't have taken a wrong step. I decided early on that I would rather my son had no dad than a bad one and have never for a second regretted my decision.

I met my husband completely when I wasn't expecting anything at all and was totally terrified of what would happen but thought that if I didn't take a risk then I would let life pass me by. I kept Christopher out of it though cos I didn't want him to have uncles all over the countryside LOL!! Expect your parents to be super protective of you if there is a guy snooping. Mine were awful!!!

You guys will be awesome and Lucas will have the benefit of having all these people in his life that totally adore him and will do anything for him. Its so special for him to have that bond with his grandparents.
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.Mel View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote .Mel Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 November 2007 at 10:18pm
Hi Stephanie welcome

I had my son when I was 22, his father left me when I found out I was pregnant, I brought him up by myself with the support of my parents. We lived on our own and with flatmates. I met someone when Conor was 18mths old and I was with him for four years, he died when Conor was 4. I then met my husband and we have been together for 7 years and have two children Nyah (5) and Cooper.

You sound like you have got amazing support and your son is lucky to have such doting grandparents. I completely understand where you are coming from when you say about the bond between your dad and son. Conor has that with my dad too, it's still amazing to watch even now.

I don't know of any play groups etc out your way, maybe someone on here can point you in the right direction...
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Kels View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Kels Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 November 2007 at 10:23pm

Not so young mum here either but alas I was a single mum at 17 and of course stereo typed as being on etc etc. You sound like you are doing an awesome job with your wee man and he is just gorgeous.

There are a few of us single mums on here, but there are also alot that were single mums at some stage and are now married but still know what it was like. My children all have an extra special bond with my mum and its awesome to see, my daughter who is now older thinks its cool how I can be mum and dad lol


Busy mum to Miss 15yrs, Miss 10yrs and Master 4yrs
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BuzzyBee View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote BuzzyBee Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 November 2007 at 11:38pm
Thank you for the replies, i wasn't actually expecting any responses lol! I never have much luck with starting forums haha.

It gives me great hope talking to other Mums who were previously single mums, and are now married and onto sunsequent children, and even other mums whose first child has grown up and they are still coping on their own with another littlie. Part of me can't wait till the day I eventually move out with my son and find our own feet. It was awkward having to give up that independence and move home with my parents again. But it was certainly for the best. I simply couldn't have done it without them!

Edited by Mum2Lucas
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BuzzyBee View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote BuzzyBee Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 November 2007 at 11:41pm
Oh and just off the subject, why is it that I create an avatar online and it only stays visible in these forums for a couple posts and then disappears?

I have no idea what I'm doing
Single Mum to a darling wee boy of 3 years :)
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james View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote james Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 November 2007 at 6:55am
hi there i,m a single mum just not soo young (i,m 29)lol i,m lu and i have james whos 2 and a half his father has nothing to do with him although thats not what he tells people i have never gone for child payments from him as i couldnt relly see the point and then he (the father) would be on the brith cert and make my life hell, anywho james is full on since he was born but thanks to all my surport from familiy and friends i have made4 it thur i live with my perents aswell and james has huge bond with both his nannny and grandad it hasnt been easy but it has made me a even storger person and i love me boy to bits
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cuppatea View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote cuppatea Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 November 2007 at 8:57am
Hi, I'm not young or single but just wanted to say hello and welcome. Lucas is a little cutie.

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caraMel View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote caraMel Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 November 2007 at 10:08am
Hi Stephanie, welcome to OHbaby!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Bombshell Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 25 November 2007 at 9:03am
hi we often have coffee groups at botany...you missed one yesterday...check mums meet up thread for more meetings.

there are quite a few people on here from papakura to papatoetoe...and a few from botany and surrounds...
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Kels View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Kels Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 25 November 2007 at 10:23am

I think you have done the most awesome thing to move home and get yourself and Lucas sorted till you can find your feet. I stayed at home until I finished my nursing degree as I couldnt afford to do it myself and it gave me the best start. I was able to save and when I moved out I had a great job, and a house full of nice stuff I was able to afford to buy instead of paying off. Goodluck to you and this website is amazing and full of the most supportive people


Busy mum to Miss 15yrs, Miss 10yrs and Master 4yrs
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MelanieAndBree View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MelanieAndBree Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 25 November 2007 at 6:55pm
Hi there!!

Im a single mum also. Im 21 and my daughter Briahna is 3 months. Her father has wanted nothing to do with her or me since i was 8 weeks.

Welcome to Ohbaby!!
Melanie.
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Maya View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Maya Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 25 November 2007 at 7:39pm
I used to be a young single mum, does that count? Now I'm just an old hag living in sin and outrun by kids...

Seriously tho, I had Maya when I was 21, her Dad and I split when she was 3 months (actually I left him, but who's splitting hairs over it?) and I did the first 12 months on my own coz all my family are overseas. It was hard, but also sooo rewarding, in fact I'd even say it was the making of me as a person, I really grew up and found my feet in the world.

When Maya was one her Dad started taking an interest in her, and me lol, and when she was nearly 2 I finally trusted him enough to take him back for good. That was nearly 3 years ago, and now we have the gremlins (and he was an amazing source of support thru that, it was really tough on me and I am still in awe of how great he was/is considering how useless he was when Maya was a baby) and Iggle Piggle our huge surprise baby on the way.

Phew, talk about a life story, sorry for putting y'all to sleep!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote caitlynsmygirl Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 26 November 2007 at 1:05pm
hey, i had my daughter (caitlyn) when i was 20, shes now 5,her dad lives in aussie too with his wife and two boys (hes involved in c's life tho, so im lucky there)
Ive been with my partner for just over a year and live with my parents as well....but im very ready to move out ! (no offence mum ...)
I work as a dental assistant full time (easier now that c's at school)
I am also in the botany area (well howick) and no a few other young single mums, so if youre ever interested in meeting up for a coffee or something, id be keen.

Your little boy sounds lovely and welcome to ohbaby :-)
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AnnC View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote AnnC Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 26 November 2007 at 4:58pm
well I was a single mother (twice over - but thats another story in itself!) I got pregnant with Josh when I was 19. I was living in the Uk at the time and came back here to have him , Josh's dad (and its only this year he has became the name DAD) came over here but things didn't work out and we broke up 2 months before Josh was Born. I lived with my parents till Josh was 3, then moved back when he was 8 - this time I had another little baby girl. Long story but I left the 2nd time due to abuse. I am now married to the most wonderful man and we have a child Rhyley together who just turned one. Brendan (my dh) is brilliant with the older two and treats them as if they were his own, hes always been there for them and really honestly loves them.

Now Josh is 14 and he is a really good teenager, no hassles really. I can't imagine life without him. I always have the what if's and if only I didn't get pregnant when I did to whom I did but I think my life has turned out pretty good and part of that is what being a mother to Josh and then Brooke moulded me into this.

Josh has met his dad when we went to the uk not long ago. but thats a huge story in itself and apart from his aunty and cousin keeping in contact he has heard nothing from him...grrrr BUT at least I know I did as much as I could and in years to come Josh will know I tried.

Good luck with it all and hope to see you posting on Ohbaby more often, we're a great bunch of people.

ETA: my 'story' makes me sound like one of those single mothers but I assure you I am not.

Edited by AnnC
Ann


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nikkitheknitter View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote nikkitheknitter Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 26 November 2007 at 8:34pm
I am a single mama to Hanny pants who is now 3 and I'm almost 23.

I'm in a hurry so will be back to man-bash with ya later... but I have to say that there are plenty of guys out there that aren't nearly so horrible as the ones who happen to father children and disappear.

I finally found one and he's looooovely. Been living with us for about 8 months now

My story should be up on the community section on the OhBaby page if you want to know the gory details... I'm sure everyone here is bored hearing about it (they know everything and have been the first place I go when drama ensues!)

Anyway, welcome!
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chonny View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote chonny Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 April 2008 at 2:15pm
hi ladies, i'm not sure if anyone would know of a forum here that may help me, but i am thinking of separating from my dh for a few weeks on trial and really scared about what will happen if it don't work and it ends up being permanent so it's neat to hear you guys have coped. i'm expecting number 2 in oct, so really nervous aabout that. my parents are great and only live up the road which will b good. anyway, just wanted to find others who might b in similar situation.

Im 23 with a 19mth old and live in papakura by the way.


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