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Tissy View Drop Down
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    Posted: 04 April 2012 at 9:55pm
I dont have PND as i don't have a baby, I have regular run of the mill "clinical depression", but i feel this is as good a section as any to have a vent in and let a little out.

I have had some major issues happening in the 18months and they have all boiled up and completely thrown me for six and I just cant hack it anymore.
1. sept 2010 - earthquake in chch, was visiting for the weekend and literally got thrown around, didnt expect it and in no way did I enjoy it, it was like living in a movie.
2. feb 2011 - my best friend Louise was killed in a car accident. totally unexpected and fully threw my world around as it was out of nowhere and showed how easy to change the world can be
3. feb 2011 (just 3 days later) - yet again earthquake in chch and this one really threw me as I was already fragile and upset and to top it off i got thrown around in the car, then went into the building as had to then got trapped in the bathroom for the 1st massive aftershock. me and DP up and left and came back to dunedin to ensure we could get flights to get to Louise's funeral.
4. I still to this day have issues with being in a confined space without windows. and its even worse if i'm alone, you wont get me in there. I panic if i am in a lift and its slow or if i have to use a toilet cubicle or small pokey bathroom. I just cannot get stuck in another small space with no way out and I know its not rational but my brain doesnt seem to agree.
5. Oct 31st 2011 - i injured my wrist, Dec 29th 2011 I re injured it. Feb 4th 2012 - re- re injured it. a bone is still loose and I cannot move my wrist without pain.
6. I had a clinical placement in invercargill having come out of cast 3 days before the placement started, my wrist couldnt handle it and the people on placement had prejudice against me becuse of who my mother is (an evil lady in their eyes just because she is an ACC case manager) and I couldnt hack the placement. I was crying myself to sleep every night.
7. DP's nana died at a grand old age of 93 and i couldnt stop crying, i've met her twice but it was like something in my head finally clicked that I can cry and i think i bottled up all the grief over Louise dying and it being the 1year anniversary of her death and then the 1yr anniversary of the earthquakes.

I seen GP 9th march and been put on prozac 20mg daily. it seems to be helping lots, i dont feel as sad and upset, and apparently i laugh now. didnt realise i wasnt laughing before I go for a review on the 17th and i'm so hoping she lets me continue to take it. If i have to stop I dont think i'll cope.
we are going to look at councelling so that I can hopefully use public toilets and lifts alone.

but i just dont feel rational about anything. and need to vent. hopefully i'm not a freak and others have had similar thoughts/issues. it does feel a little good to write it down and admit I do have a problem.
I think thats half the reason i like being on the antidepressants as its finally helping me see that I have a problem so there's a reason i feel like this.
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Tissy View Drop Down
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Points: 332 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Tissy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 April 2012 at 9:55pm
sorry its a novel and probably doesnt make sense.
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Kellz View Drop Down
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Location: Gisborne
Points: 7186 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Kellz Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 April 2012 at 3:58pm
It does make sense, dont appolgise for veniting!
Hugs to you. You have bene through a huge about of massive tragic events, no wonder u r feeling this way now.

I would recommend gettinga referral from your GP to community mental health and seeing and phycologist for congitive behavioural theraphy, rather than a counsellor. I had post traumatic stress disorder,...although the cause event was very different from yours,...my symptoms were similar with fear, anxiety, panic attacks when in a situation that brought back the memories like I was re-living it.
This type of therapy helped me so so much, to the point where I could talk about the event without it triggering the huge emotional response.
The antidepressants sure help make things clearly, but u really need help to deal with all the issues.
I also foind accupuncture really helped for relaxation etc, and Magnesium powder before bed helped with my sleep- was taking ages and ages to get to sleep, waking frequently and then taking forever to get back to sleep each time too.

I hope some of this helps.
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Kellz View Drop Down
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Joined: 01 January 1900
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Points: 7186 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Kellz Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 April 2012 at 4:01pm
Hers the link to a useful website- this page explains the types of therapys.

Depression info

Sorry for all the grammer and spelling/typing errors in the above post!
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Tissy View Drop Down
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Points: 332 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Tissy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 April 2012 at 6:19pm
i think your definetly onto something with the CBT.
I'll get her to refer me to someone who does that.

thanks Kellz.

and my god my typing ability sucks, didnt realise how much it didnt make sense until i re read it now
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snugglebug View Drop Down
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Points: 2146 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote snugglebug Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 April 2012 at 10:11pm
I agree with the above, that medication is amazing but you have to deal with the issues too to really get past the depression. I have probably had depression most of my adult life but it came to a head after a few traumatic events, difficult pregnancy and new baby experience, and for most of last year I was a real mess, up and down with the depression. The medication helped me to feel more even and stable and allowed me to look at things with more perspective but it was the counselling that really helped me to make sense of it all and realise that it was ok that I got depressed, it was understandable after what I had been through, and that there was a way forward beyond it. I still struggle and probably will always struggle with this beast they call depression but I am a lot better than before and you can be too, with lots of talking, examining and changing which is the really hard part but worth it when you do feel better. Good luck and I hope that you are able to feel better soon.

I know what you mean about the laughing too. My GP said my whole demeanour had changed when I came back to see her after being on anti ds for a bit. I didn't realise I had been any different but she said I smiled, laughed and seemed so much brighter
Me 28, DH 29
DS born 20 Nov 2010 (4 years old)
#2 due October 7
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