clinical depression

I dont have PND as i don't have a baby, I have regular run of the mill "clinical depression", but i feel this is as good a section as any to have a vent in and let a little out.

I have had some major issues happening in the 18months and they have all boiled up and completely thrown me for six and I just cant hack it anymore.
1. sept 2010 - earthquake in chch, was visiting for the weekend and literally got thrown around, didnt expect it and in no way did I enjoy it, it was like living in a movie.
2. feb 2011 - my best friend Louise was killed in a car accident. totally unexpected and fully threw my world around as it was out of nowhere and showed how easy to change the world can be
3. feb 2011 (just 3 days later) - yet again earthquake in chch and this one really threw me as I was already fragile and upset and to top it off i got thrown around in the car, then went into the building as had to then got trapped in the bathroom for the 1st massive aftershock. me and DP up and left and came back to dunedin to ensure we could get flights to get to Louise's funeral.
4. I still to this day have issues with being in a confined space without windows. and its even worse if i'm alone, you wont get me in there. I panic if i am in a lift and its slow or if i have to use a toilet cubicle or small pokey bathroom. I just cannot get stuck in another small space with no way out and I know its not rational but my brain doesnt seem to agree.
5. Oct 31st 2011 - i injured my wrist, Dec 29th 2011 I re injured it. Feb 4th 2012 - re- re injured it. a bone is still loose and I cannot move my wrist without pain.
6. I had a clinical placement in invercargill having come out of cast 3 days before the placement started, my wrist couldnt handle it and the people on placement had prejudice against me becuse of who my mother is (an evil lady in their eyes just because she is an ACC case manager) and I couldnt hack the placement. I was crying myself to sleep every night.
7. DP's nana died at a grand old age of 93 and i couldnt stop crying, i've met her twice but it was like something in my head finally clicked that I can cry and i think i bottled up all the grief over Louise dying and it being the 1year anniversary of her death and then the 1yr anniversary of the earthquakes.

I seen GP 9th march and been put on prozac 20mg daily. it seems to be helping lots, i dont feel as sad and upset, and apparently i laugh now. didnt realise i wasnt laughing before I go for a review on the 17th and i'm so hoping she lets me continue to take it. If i have to stop I dont think i'll cope.
we are going to look at councelling so that I can hopefully use public toilets and lifts alone.

but i just dont feel rational about anything. and need to vent. hopefully i'm not a freak and others have had similar thoughts/issues. it does feel a little good to write it down and admit I do have a problem.
I think thats half the reason i like being on the antidepressants as its finally helping me see that I have a problem so there's a reason i feel like this.

It does make sense, dont appolgise for veniting!
Hugs to you. You have bene through a huge about of massive tragic events, no wonder u r feeling this way now.

I would recommend gettinga referral from your GP to community mental health and seeing and phycologist for congitive behavioural theraphy, rather than a counsellor. I had post traumatic stress disorder,...although the cause event was very different from yours,...my symptoms were similar with fear, anxiety, panic attacks when in a situation that brought back the memories like I was re-living it.
This type of therapy helped me so so much, to the point where I could talk about the event without it triggering the huge emotional response.
The antidepressants sure help make things clearly, but u really need help to deal with all the issues.
I also foind accupuncture really helped for relaxation etc, and Magnesium powder before bed helped with my sleep- was taking ages and ages to get to sleep, waking frequently and then taking forever to get back to sleep each time too.

I hope some of this helps.

i think your definetly onto something with the CBT.
I'll get her to refer me to someone who does that.

thanks Kellz.

and my god my typing ability sucks, didnt realise how much it didnt make sense until i re read it now