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wottajotta View Drop Down
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    Posted: 20 January 2012 at 10:38am
Hi ladies,
I am using a different name just so no one knows who I am – as I am not quite separated yet and you never know whos lurking... But it may not be far off so just looking into how me and my two pre-schoolers would survive and thought you ladies might have some idea. I make pretty good money so don’t think I’d be entitled to anything while working (I work part time but am self-employed so on a good rate), but just looking at my bills roughly I would need at least 1000/wk after tax to live I think (400 rent/mortgage, 150 food, 150 power/ph etc, 250 daycare/kindy, 100 misc (clothes, presents, going out) plus rates etc). How much do you get if you are not working and living with two pre-schoolers? It probably wouldn’t cover my mortgage/rent and food right? OMG, I don’t know how we would survive without me increasing my hours – but in doing that daycare goes up and I would definitely not qualify for any assistance, right? Hubby is self employed and would make his income look minimal so unless he was happy to pay child support with a private arrangement (which he may do) they would hardly take anything off him, right?   And he would probably go for half care of the kids, so I’m sure that would mean I wouldn’t get anything eh? (Or worse, have to pay him!!).
This is just all too much to think about.
Let alone the stress it will cause to the kids if we do separate. Geez, I feel sick just thinking about it!
Sorry this is a bit of a mess --- just thinking out loud.

any help you can give, like income limits before you don't get any assistance etc would be great. Thanks.
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AandCsmum View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote AandCsmum Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 January 2012 at 12:26pm
Can you make an appointment with Winz??? Your WFF will go up as you won't have to put his income into it, plus you will receive child support.

I would also look at ways of trimming your bills down.

That is the only things I can sort of think off the top of my head.
Kel


A = 01.02.04   &   C = 16.01.09   &   G = 30.03.12
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mizpix View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote mizpix Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 January 2012 at 1:12pm
Yeah I'm sure you could trim things in places.I am in a similar situation,self employed and on a good salary, and receive nothing from either WINZ or my baby's father. You can tighten your belt when you need to. For me it's meant that my accomodation is not flash, (was meant to have built a new house by now)and my poor old car hasnt been replaced yet (it's 22! eeek) but we are comfortable, and Alex lacks for nothing. Maybe look at vege garden, barter with a farmer for meat, cut back on cell phone or internet etc
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blessedmama View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote blessedmama Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 January 2012 at 1:20pm
Wottajotta firstly I'm really sorry you're going through this. It's not an easy thing no matter how it comes about.

You may find that you are entitled to an accommodation supplement even though you are working. You also might qualify for a childcare supplement too. My advice would be to ring WINZ today because if you qualify they will backdate an accommodation supplement to the day that you call them. Just say that you are separating rather than that you are not quite there yet and that you would like to make an appointment to see them. It generally takes a couple of weeks to see them so if things change in that time you can just cancel it.

The system for working mothers is a bit unwieldy but in my experience it is better to be working than on the DPB because your potential to earn is far better.

If you end up with a 50/50 split then I would be expecting him to pay for half their daycare. And is there potential in your job for you to do even a few extra hours from home in the evening? That might make a bit of a difference - particularly if you can do that on a night or during hours where he might have the children with him?

Depending on how young your children are you might be surprised at the level of stress they go through - it's different for everybody and depends on how you guys deal with it. If you can stay pleasant in front of them and give them a sense of routine it helps a lot.

I'm sorry I don't have more to add but I hope things work out for you.
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wottajotta View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote wottajotta Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 January 2012 at 1:37pm
Thanks for the feedback guys. I'm afraid I will probably be in mizpix's position if we do end up seperating .... but at least I do have a high income I guess - doesn't help with getting assistance, but you are right in that it would just be an adjustment in spending. Its so hard with house prices / rent in nice areas of ak being so high!! Yes I can do the odd job after hours, so that helpes income-wise.

Really hoping it doesn't come to us seperating, but we just don't seem to like each other any more!
Trying to hold it together for the sake of the kids, as I'm sure slightly unhappy parents together is better than the stress of us seperating (my 4yr old would be devastated) ..... but I guess there comes a point where we will be worse off together if we can't sort ourselves out!
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Shelt View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Shelt Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 January 2012 at 7:56pm
You can earn quite a high income and still get a child care subsidy (up to $1599 a week gross if you have two kids) so you might find you are entitled to something there which would ease the burden slightly. here is the link Childcare subsidy rates

I am also in a similar position in that I qualify for very little because I earn a reasonable amount. I get WFF and the childcare subsidy and that's it. My mortgage is $415 a week (it was $530 per week when the ex and I split 2 years ago, thank god the interest rates have dropped!) and I also have daycare, rates, insurances etc to pay. I got a flatmate, which is kind of a pain coz there is someone else in the house but it helps pay the bills as we split them plus she pays rent. I also have a really old car and we walk or bike alot (or take the bus, under 5s are free). I looked into all our providors and found cheaper phone and power companies, plus saved a bit on insurance by increasing the excess. We eat cheaply.

My ex is on a low-ish income but we came to a private agreement for childsupport and he pays half the daycare costs and for half of all activities like swimming, plus an amount each week.

I hope you work it out, but if you don't there are ways of getting by. Sometimes it just takes a bit of creative thinking, thats all.And splitting is not necessarily the worst thing for the kids - sometimes living in a house full of tension is not that nice either and kids pick up on a lot more than we give them credit for. Two happy parents apart can be better than unhappy ones together. It depends on the circumstances.

ETA to fix link

Edited by Shelt
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KirstyO View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote KirstyO Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 January 2012 at 11:00am

Hey wottajotta

I separated from my hubby last year and have had to learn how to live with my 2 precious kiddies as a single parent - it really is very hard trying to nut everything out and adjust to a new way of living. But I think the bottom line is that your children need to be happy and safe - physically and emotionally.

I disagree with your comment that its better for the kids living with 2 unhappy parents together than having to go through a separation. I stayed with my hubby for that same reason, until I learned how much kids take on. They're like sponges, absorbing so much motre than we realize. And they are very perceptive, they know when things are rough between their parents. Since hubby moved out, my 3 year old son has leatrned that we live at Mummy's house and Daddy lives at his house. Daddy comes to visit sometimes, and takes him out sometimes and they have lots of fun, but then Daddy goes home to his house. It worked better than I imagined, and my 3yo is a lot happier and much more settled now because the tension in the home has gone. we are all much happier.

Regarding the money - It's amazing how you can learn to live on a single income when you have to. I don't know what you would be entitled to with what you earn, but with WFF and WINZ accomodation supps you may still qualify for something as a single parent. And don't forget, with your partner out of the house you will save money on food, power, water etc.  Men can eat a lot!! 

I guess if I was to offer any advice it would be to do what you need to do to keep your wee children happy and secure.  If things are not happy with you and your partner then your kids will pick up on that and it will affect them.  The money thing is not as important - you can work that out and adjust your spending to suit.

Hugs

 



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KirstyO View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote KirstyO Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 07 March 2012 at 9:54am

Hey wottajotta, just wondering how things are going for you?



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wottajotta View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote wottajotta Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 March 2012 at 3:03pm
Hi guys, thanks for your comments. We were going through a rough patch when I wrote this, and had a few arguements, but since we had a planned holiday coming up I kinda just kept the peace and tried to be normal (nicer) in the mean time ... and we have actually been getting on alot better and no more arguments recently! So hopfully it was just one of those bad patches that couples go through when you don't agree on certain things, and it will all work out in the end. I'll let you know if anything changes!

I did feel alot better when I went through all the financial stuiff and realised it would be OK either way, and I would cope.
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Kiwilaw Cheryl View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Kiwilaw Cheryl Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 April 2012 at 9:43pm
Maybe you already know this, or maybe not - you can get free counselling through the Family Court, to help you and your partner with your relationship (or to help you decide whether to end the relationship). You don't have to split up in order to get the counselling. The Family Court will pay for up to six sessions per year, or sometimes more if recommended by the counsellor. The counselling itself is by private providers but paid for by the Court. Contact the 'Family Court Co-ordinator' at your nearest Family Court, and they can send you a very simple form to fill in and send back.
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