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Gin91 
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Joined: 13 June 2012
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 Topic: Other single parents
Posted: 13 June 2012 at 9:29pm |
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I'm 25 and have a 2 & a half yr old plus another one on the way due in 3 months, my fiancé and I just split so I'm finding things a bit tough. I've only got one friend who's a single mum, none of the others have kids. I wanna meet other single parents out there so I don't feel like I'm the only one
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KirstyO
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Joined: 20 June 2011
Location: Whakatane
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Posted: 14 June 2012 at 8:33pm |
Hi Gin I'm really sorry about your situation. I split from my husband last year - I also had a 2 1/2 year old and was 6 months pregnant with my second. I won't lie, it has been tough. But a year has gone by really fast, and I'm still here! Do you have any family or close friends around? Are there any groups where you are - Plunket, Mainly Music, SPACE, Parent's Centre? Where do you live?
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Gin91
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Joined: 13 June 2012
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Posted: 14 June 2012 at 8:52pm |
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Thank you for the honesty, wow our kids were at the exact same ages at the time of our splits.
I've got family and friends around me but only one with a child and the rest are single or engaged and planning their weddings which is hard as I'm now unplanning a wedding.
We go to mainly music each week & just try to keep buisy to keep my mind off things.
We're in botany at the moment
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KirstyO
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Joined: 20 June 2011
Location: Whakatane
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Posted: 15 June 2012 at 3:34pm |
Weird coincidence huh?! I think I found the last month or so of the pregnancy the hardest - feeling heavy & bloated & so tired yet having to be there for the 2 yr old. Even finding a comfy possie to read bedtime stories was a bit of a mission! Make sure you ask for help if you need it - often people are really happy to help out and are just waiting to be asked. Some people tend not to offer help in case they are "stepping on your toes"! So ask family and friends to help out if you need it:) I have 2 boys. What gender is your wee one? Do you know what you're having? Bummer that so many of your family/friends are planning weddings - that really sux! It's so hard to be happy for others when you're going thru a separation:( Hugs!
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Gin91
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Joined: 13 June 2012
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Posted: 15 June 2012 at 4:55pm |
I'm having a girl so two girls for me :)
I know my family will help if I ask but it's still not the same as having your partner there, I guess I've just gotta get my head around that at the moment 
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KirstyO
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Location: Whakatane
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Posted: 16 June 2012 at 9:18am |
 Yeah, it's a tough change to have to make. You'll go thru a grief process so allow yourself to go thru it. Do you know much about the grief process? It really is a big life change, a complete change of thinking. Things will pop up - sometimes just little things - that your partner may normally have taken care of, and it can be quite overwhelming at times. But remember to take one day at a time. There are bad days, but there are also good days! What is your girl's name?
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fillynz
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Joined: 29 August 2012
Location: Te Awamutu
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Posted: 29 August 2012 at 11:03pm |
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Hi Ladies, I'm in the same boat got a 2 3/4 yr old boy and husband decided it was all too much for him and thought we should separate 2 months ago when I was 5 months pregnant, I'm due in November and just trying to keep busy, got my parents who live next door and friends but feel pretty lonely and tired! and wondering how the hell I'm going to cope with a newborn and a 3 yr old!
What hurts the most is my toddler boy is always wanting his father and how this is affecting him, its like the family has been ripped apart, and it was never in my plan to be a single mother of 2 so struggling with that too.
So just to let you know that there is someone else out there in the same boat (and rowing like hell to stop form sinking!)
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lovedup
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Joined: 26 August 2012
Location: Waikato
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Posted: 02 September 2012 at 10:25pm |
Hi Fillynz, I'm in a similar boat. It's so hard, and emotionally I really really struggle.
I don't have any real words of advice for you because I am in a daze half the time...
I have 3 boys to a previous marriage, and have been in a relationship with a man for 6 years, only to become pregnant and the father decides he doesn't actually want a baby. He's told me he doesn't want the relationship but will be there in some capacity once baby is born.
Needless to say, it hurts like anything! And gets super lonely. I've never been pregnant and alone!
Hugs to you, and yes I'm in the same boat - possibly sinking slightly faster than yours is 
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Solo Mama to 3 magic boys :)
M/C May 2012
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KirstyO
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Joined: 20 June 2011
Location: Whakatane
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Posted: 03 September 2012 at 12:08pm |
Wow. It seems so unfair that men can "opt-out" so easily. They don't want to be a dad anymore so they scarper and leave us mums to cope on our own. That makes me mad! I'm trying to think of something positive to say now ...
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lovedup
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Joined: 26 August 2012
Location: Waikato
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Posted: 03 September 2012 at 1:20pm |
It's hard to think of something positive aye Kirsty! And you're so right about the 'opt out' notion. shesh.
The hardest thing for me right now is telling people! I have a very successful professional career, have post-grad qualifications and am reasonably bright, play representative sport, fit, healthy, not unattractive lol (well I hope not!) so to be pregnant and single has a real stigma attached to it!
i've worked so hard to build my career, get qualified and to be successful and now I'm in 'this' situation!
argh.
The other side is how the heck am I going to survive on maternity leave? It won't even cover half of my salary - so my only option is to have baby and go straight back to work
Just seems so unfair. argh again.
Big Wednesday would be greeeeaaattt! hehe  got to try and laugh about it or else I'll just keep crying about it. damn hormones.
Edited by lovedup
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Solo Mama to 3 magic boys :)
M/C May 2012
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KirstyO
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Posted: 03 September 2012 at 2:57pm |
I guess some days are better than others. I've recently gone back to work fulltime, and really feeling bad about it. I managed to stay away from work for the entire 12 months parental leave which I'd applied for before I split from hubby, but I had to go on the DPB which really sucked. I had enough money to pay the basic bills and buy basic groceries, but nothing else. Second hand shops for kids' clothes, no petrol money, and we prettymuch lived off rice and porridge! But I was determined to give my baby a full year of my attention, even tho it cost me. And I'm so glad I did. But now I'm back at work and my 2 precious boys are in preschool 7:30am - 5:30pm 5 days a week. Sucky. I seem to be moaning a lot today. I'm at home with C 'cos he has a tummy bug so I've been off work since last Thurs. That's another thing - all the sick leave we have to take from work for sick kids!! I'm fast running out of leave. One day we will look back on these awful times ... and be so grateful that we kept going, kept fighting, kept loving our awesome kiddies. Things will get better!
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lovedup
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Joined: 26 August 2012
Location: Waikato
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Posted: 03 September 2012 at 8:10pm |
You are so lucky to have had a year to enjoy your babies - I hope that I will get to do the same, but my career is taking flight and too much time away would really detriment that ---- it will be a tough decision because i like to plan long term, but that may easily all change once baby comes along.
Rice and porridge sounds great to me!
It's tough leaving them in care for so long aye and yes I feel you, things will get better!
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Solo Mama to 3 magic boys :)
M/C May 2012
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Hannahemily
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Joined: 04 August 2011
Location: Auckland
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Posted: 12 September 2012 at 3:54pm |
Hi Everyone havnt been on here for ages...but my son is 9 months now..crazy how times fly by..anyway guess iM just seeking some support ! feel like the only sinlge mum out there (even though its not true) but its just rather isolating being at home with my son & when we go out people aoutomatically think im married or have my sons dad in his life,..& its almost as If Im too embarresed to say well his son isant in his life..or say that im a solo parent in the fair of being judged ! is that silly? I guess Im just having a bit of a hard time at the moment..im 25 living at home with my parents,struggling with what I want to do career wise etc..& trying to bring up my son on my own ! oh & copping abuse from my sons father ! Not cool ! sometimes it so hard to feel positive just wondering what tyoes of things you ladies do to get out of a "blue funk" as such... thanks Hannah :-)
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aers270191
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Joined: 23 May 2011
Location: Auckland
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Posted: 14 September 2012 at 3:43pm |
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Hi ladies!!!
Wow the forums got updated! I was part of a Mums group for Jan babies via here but have really fallen out of sync with the group as Im quite a bit younger and was the only single parent. Been living in my little 2-beddy with my boy for three months now and loving it!! His Dad comes to visit when he can but I dont have him around much as he left me half way through my pregnancy and decided after he was born he wanted to be back together and I couldnt do that. Im not big on parenting groups and Im really busy at home keeping my house organised, doing Uni work and I cook all of DS's food from scratch (hes 8 months old). Just wanting to say hi to the other single Mummies :)
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lovedup
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Joined: 26 August 2012
Location: Waikato
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Posted: 24 September 2012 at 8:13am |
Hey Hannahemily, my biggest piece of advice for you would be to study. It might be tough staying at home with m&d but it's affordable. Unless you know someone that can you get you a great job, in the long run you will benefit from a qualification toward a great career. When my son was 2 I enrolled into the long journey of uni study. I completed my degree, got a fairly good job teaching, then progressed from there. I am struggling now though - being pregnant with #4 - single and on a 6 figure income I have few options. Parental leave won't even pay for the roof over our heads, the dpb (etc) won't even be half of my current income. So I am having to face the reality that I will have this wee one and then go straight back to work. My dream would be to have a year off with baby but still keeping up with the financial commitments I have. Lotto maybe??  Aers - I think it's great you are at uni and have a nice place for you and your son - hopefully baby's daddy will help you out too when you need.
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Solo Mama to 3 magic boys :)
M/C May 2012
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victor123
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Posted: 22 June 2013 at 4:44am |
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I think you can hire baby sitters privately for better care of your baby there are good experienced nanny available online you can have.
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Other single parents
