No sperm :(

Hi,
My husband and I have been TTCing for almost one year (I have two children from a previous relationship) and we have just got the results back from his semen sample and there are no sperm. It has come as a huge shock understandably. I don't feel ready to talk to my real life friends yet. Has anyone had this? What happened from there? We are doing another test and he is having an ultrasound as well as a blood test. I think we might get a private second opinion once all these tests are in as the GP pretty much said donor sperm would be our only option.
Thanks for any advice you can give us, I'm feeling quite overwhelmed with the whole situation but trying not to let hubby know how disappointed I am.

Hi Baby crazy,
Thanks for the reply and sharing your story (sorry how abrupt my original post sounded, that's what happens when you post at 3am lol!)
We suspected there was a problem as the nurse had rung and asked us to come in and speak to the dr but jeepers we were not expecting not even one sperm! I just can't believe it really.
I did some googling and I don't think we would qualify for public funding until we have been trying 3+ years and I just think if there were no sperm last time even if they find some with the next sample it is probably going to be pretty much impossible for a normal conception. The gp did say something about steroids if the reason is antibodies killing the sperm so I guess that would actually be good if it was something reversible. My two children are at school and I am so thankful we have them at least but I was quite young and in a crappy relationship when I had them so it seems so sh*tty that now I'm in a fabulous relationship and financially stable we can't have one. Then trying to think if we would pay for a cycle of if or whatever ourself? If we would go down the donor sperm path? I'm overthinking it all and should probably wait for all the tests to come back but it's so hard not to think of worst case :(

Aw sounds like it has been a rough ride for you guys too. Was it weird choosing the donor? Like did you see pictures and know a bit about them? What happens legally, like is your husband the baby's legal father? Does the sperm donor have any rights or responsibilities? Sorry for all the questions, don't answer them if you don't want to. All the best for march! Exciting! Has it been difficult getting all the treatments and things yourself? Have you had to take much time off work? How many people have you told? I'm not ready to tell anyone yet. Maybe once we know for sure I might tell a few people. I'm kicking myself for even telling people we are trying. So over being asked when we are having one and how everyone seems to get pregnant by ' their man looking at them' (such a rude thing to say when you know someone is TTCing!).
Are you a teacher? My husband is incredible with my children, my 8 year old actually likes him more than he likes me I think! But we talked about the possibility of a sperm donor and he was like 'I'm not sure how it would be having a kid that wasn't mine' I was like 'um what about our kids you dork' he cried more than I did when we had to leave them for three weeks for our honeymoon! So yeah biology is only such a tiny part! I'm sure your man will be awesome with your baby when it decides to arrive.
Thanks again for answering, it's nice (but also crap, wish no one had this!) to know we aren't alone out there. It's such a shock to think conceiving without help probably isn't going to happen :( on the positive side at least we didn't wait years before doing the tests. I already feel like our life is on hold in case I get pregnant each month!

Ok back and on the lappy.
I remember being a bit of a state of shock when we found out. The nurse thought due to DH's age that we'd had the snip but then changed her tune when he told her he hadn't! Hopefully the bloods show there's some production happening and its easily fixed. Either way its a sucky position to be in.
My advice would be to try to face each hurdle as it comes as hard as it is not to over think it.
Choosing a donor is a bit weird but to me 'he' has just become a number (they all have a ID number, no name) so I don't really think about it too much now. You don't get any pictures but just a profile about them which they've filled in, and they fill in as much or little as they like so some tell you more than others. They have all kinds of information from basic physical looks to interests, family history etc as well as their reason for donating. They try to match them as close to the man as possible (we filled in profiles when going on the donor list). Legally the donor has no rights etc and the child is legally the husbands because the female carries the baby.
Honestly the counselling helped so much and even if you're just contemplating donor I'd recommend having a session.
We're reasonably open and a lot of our friends and family know we're using a donor and about our struggle. I've found it really helpful having people who know around us and they've respected out privacy and not pried too much. We've even had a couple blokes offer a 'cupful' lol and were quite serious about it!

Unfortunately the envy of everyone else getting utd without some much as a thought doesn't get easier. We've been on this road 4 years and only recently I've managed to be at peace more than I'm not at peace with hearing people's news.

In terms of getting treatment once we saw fert specialists the ball moved quite fast. DH took a LONNNG time to do the sperm test so we had been trying 2.5 years before getting help. Because we paid for our first couple of appts things moved quite fast. We were on the donor list about 6mths before starting treatment. Then after our 4 iui's that didn't work we could've started IVF straight away however I had my tubes checked then put it off until January due to work (i'm a teacher).

Hope that answers some of your questions. Sorry jumped all over the place lol. Keep asking I'm happy to answer.
Do you mind me asking roughly what part of the country you're from?

I'm in central north island. I definitely found having a plan helped a huge deal as did a bit of a reality check from dh lol ( had to tell me to snap out of it at one point).
If we weren't funded we would've paid because I couldn't not try it so if you think you'll be able to manage then give it your best shot. Thing is if you've got no fert issues yourself they'll start by just doing inseminations which are about 2 grand a pop rather than ivf so you could try those first if you end up with a donor situation. That didn't work for us hence the ivf.
When do you find out the results of the test?

The doctors I've seen have been super good although mostly you deal with the nurses during treatments. With the insems the nurses do it but ivf the doctor does it.
Excited about March coming up. I have a review appt coming up on feb 13th which will determine how they go about putting the embryo back but for now I'm taking elevit .... When I remember lol!

Good luck jacq! How are you finding the injections so far?

Hi Jacq,
All the best! Exciting being so close! How often do you need to inject yourself? I can imagine the not knowing is the worst, I feel the same. I just want to know where we stand! I hate uncertainty!
The 13th isn't too far away now baby crazy!
I have gotten really slack with taking frolic acid and multi vitamin too. The first few months I never missed a day but not so much now. I should really get back on track with it!

I found the injections fine too jacq, although the morning one was a bit sorer. I had one in the morning and another at night. Going with the flow super sucks if you're a planner ( like me) and being at the mercy of your body is hard too. But keep the final goal in mind and be kind to yourself :)

The pen is sweet as - had a smaller needle than my morning one. I do recommend making sure that when you put the needle in that you have the number dial on the pen facing up where you can see it as the first couple times I didn't and still had dosage left which meant a new needle and sticking myself again lol.
Mine went almost text book in terms of dates and had ec on the first day of the week they predicted. I over stimulated though so there was no transfer. What are the names of the drugs you're on?

Is over stimulation when you make too many eggs? Is that bad? Is it bad when they take them out?

Jeepers, no coffee eek! I'm only on 1-2 cups a day now but i don't think I can cut it back any further!