Respecting things . . .

rite any ideas would be greatly appreciated PLEASE . . im on my knees begging

sarah has NOOOO respect for anything! she is so ungreatfull & its actually really embarassing & J is starting to copy the things she does.

it started about the middle of last year when she was having a rough time at school ( have since changed schools) but now its just a joke she has no respect for anything, and is so ungreatfull!

eg - last week she cut up heaps of her clothes to make blankets for her dolls,then when dh was telling her off she said "i dont care i dont like those ones anyway " grrrrrr, she has also drawn thru books & cut things out of them, alot were books that were mine when i was her age so i was quite devistated by it.

if shes eating a iceblock or chips etc she just throws the wrapping/ or whatever she doesnt want on the floor, she leaves stuff everywhere, have been thru 3 school jerseys this year

im at my wits end at what to do, she never used to be like this & even at other peoples places she starts picking things up & climbing on things its really embarrasing & makes me feel like such a bad parent.
time out doesnt work for her, at all, she will quite happily do her time out time then 2sec after just go strait back to it no matter how many times you put her in timeout.

weve explained to her that clothes/toys furnature etc costs alot of money so you have to look after it and that some people dont even have any but it doesnt work . . .
she just doesnt care
so
ideas please

i like the shopping idea paying with cash,

LOL her room was stripped of everything over a year ago as she would have tantrums and throw everything around & out the window & when she wrote in the books we took all her books & other things she wasnt respecting & put them in the garage and told her that she could have them back when she shows us that she can take care of things.

we've also explained that if she carrys on like this that no one will buy her presents for xmas & birthday ( her birthday is dec 21 which doesnt help) because they wont want to waste money buying her things if shes not going to look after them . . .

but she still just doesnt get it, and i dont know why, she used to be really protective of her things & worried that if people played with her toys they would break them etc but now its the complete opposite

I will take things step by step. Sit her down and have a chat about rules and what you expect of her. Let her have input as well. Make family rules. Like we dont destroy our things. Ask her if she thinks that is a nice thing to do ect. Ask her how she thinks that is making her feel and ask her why is she doing it and what she thinks you should be doing if she does it.

It works on my 3 and a half year old and they are quite intelligent. Then lay down rules. If she does A then B happens.

For instance the clothes. I would literally have her school clothes, one set of pj's one set summer clothes and one set of winter clothes in her cupboard after she did something like that.

If she doesnt want to respect things she aint getting any more. Simple as that. Dont threaten just follow through.

As for throwing stuff on the floor. I dealt with my girl that at 20 months asked me what Daddy does ect and what Mommy does. I explained that my job was to look after her ect and that we are very fortunate to do it (now my child is extremely good on the uptake and always understood things far more complex than what you will give a child of that paticular age credit for). So a week after that she dropped her empty raisin box on the floor. I asked her to pick it up and throw it away.

She said no it is my job as it is my job to look after her. I explained to her that .... (you get the picture). She refused and threw a tantrum. I put her in time out. After she got out she refused, fine go back in time out. She literally did that for like 2 hours or something like that. And then she finally realised I aint backing down.

You CANT back down after making a threat. So dont threaten something unless you are willing to follow it through.

But start with a conversation with your child and ask her why she is doing the following. And if need be perhaps get some professional help in if you think she needs it as I bet you there is something behind all of this. She is getting some kind of emotional payout out of this (oh damn starting to sound like Dr Phil here. )

thanks ladies unfortunatley have tried all that already tho

weve done the talking thing
and all this only started lastyear with her other school untill then apart from her hyperactivness she would look after things & always pick up after herself and wouldnt throw things on the floor
.
we have rules & concequences, & she only has 3 sets of clothes in her room, the ones she cut up wer the ones she was ment to be wearing to a birthday party the following day & the clothes she had just taken off ( everything got taken out of her room last year LOL even the pictures off the walls )

and the time out with her even if she knows im not backing down it would just go on all day ( and i do literally mean all day the last time she did it it went on for about 4+ hours) but she just doesnt care which is why im stumped on what to do

shes not a child who has always been alowed to do whatever she wants to do, and shes never got away with things as i dont back down with rules etc otherwise we would be screwed with J & dh's other son, she would always follow rules etc and be respectfull to things & people & do whatever she was asked & look after her things, and now she has a "i dont care" attitude and thats what she says if you ask her why she did something or "so", or if we explain that XXX would be really upset to see that the gift they bought her has been waisted/ruined/destroyed she just shrugs her shoulders & says something like " but i didnt like it" or "i dont want it" or it wasnt what i wanted" or "its dum and xxxx in my class has the same one" or just a "i dont know"
and i usually i ask twice and if she doesnt do it i just throw everything in a rubbish bag thats on the floor around the house but she usually just watches . . .

and . . we have been thru the professional help pathway, after i had a word to our gp, but they seem to think its a reaction to how she was treated at school (her old school) & also frustration with struggling with irlins so its a matter of her "snapping out of it" which hopefully will be real soon

which is why i posted on here . . . .
we have no idea what to do now . . .

You poor thing, she sounds like a very stubborn wee character!

Glad the cash thing seemed to have an impact.

Have you thought about trying the giving her pocket money thing, and whenever she breaks or damages something (yours or hers) she has to pay for it?