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FionaS 
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 Topic: Dislike of Kindy
Posted: 23 September 2009 at 4:40pm |
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As a bit of background - Elle is possibly one of the most social kids you'll meet. She prefers small groups but just loves being with other kids no matter what the setting or group size. She is a natural leader so when we go to the park, events etc she always ends up with a line of kids following her (haha - she is very bossy!).
She loves kids church (kinda a creche thing).
However, she doesn't like Kindy. She says it is too boring for her and every day she cries about not wanting to go. Most of the kids there are immigrants and their English isn't that great. Elle is all about talking and imaginary play so I think she gets frustrated. It is odd though, as usually she'll be 100% content amusing herself and playing imaginary games with her toys.
Is this just normal? Do I keep taking her (she seems to do ok most days once she is there)? Or do I find another kindy? I just don't know what to do for the best. She used to nap from 12 to 2 before she started kindy and we had to drop the nap so she could go. That in itself has caused lots of issues due to overtiredness.
She is a very strong willed kid and if she decides to be antsi about something she is an immovable object so that probably doesn't help!
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kebakat
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Posted: 23 September 2009 at 5:24pm |
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Will she tell you why she doesn't like the kindy other than it being boring?
Could you take her along to any other local kindys and see what she is like at those, just for a visit to see if it looks like she has more fun there?
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FionaS
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Posted: 23 September 2009 at 5:45pm |
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Could do. Not sure if there are any other local ones but we are on a waiting list for one other one. I hoped she go to the one she is currently at as it is 1min walk from our house and right nextdoor to the school she will go to. If she stays there I'd hope she'd have good friends who she'll transition to school with,
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AandCsmum
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Posted: 24 September 2009 at 7:50am |
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Can you go along & hang out for a session? Under the guise of helping out maybe? I know that we used to have parent helpers for sessions.
That way you can see how she plays & the dynamics of the group?
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Kel
A = 01.02.04 & C = 16.01.09 & G = 30.03.12
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fattartsrock
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Posted: 24 September 2009 at 2:06pm |
I'd take her, stay for about half a session, and push the point. If you really think it is the kindy, then swap to another one.
Just remember all new experiences are scary and frightening, no matter how social the child is, and going to something a bit more structured is scary too. It took Jake about 2 terms to settle into kindy properly and really enjoy it, and I stayed with him for a term and a half, but ended up just leaving him, as if got too hard to stay with a baby that still needed sleep. Turns out he settled much better and made friends when I wasn't there, now he's thriving. Dropping the sleep made things difficult in the begginning too, but we sorted that out by givimg him tea early and putting him in bed early, I remember some days he went down for the night at 4pm, exhausted and no tea! Now he just has an hour or so quiet time when he comes home, then he's fine.
It is really important that you let her figure out for herself the "problem solving"
aspect of what is going on. If you are going to jump in and "solve" her problems for her insead of guiding her to figure it out, you are probably letting yourself in for alot of problems come school time.
At the end of the day, YOU are the parent, not her! If you "let" her "dictate" to you now, what on earth is going to happen when she dosen't like school?
Sorry to sound harsh, but....
Edited by fattartsrock
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The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P
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Bizzy
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Posted: 24 September 2009 at 4:01pm |
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first thing to do is talk to the head teacher about how she is interacting with the other kids and what she is like when there... i find my head teacher invaluable with stuff like this. i know that with toby he quite often says he hates kindy and doesnt want to go but i know that he is loving it when there. the head teacher tells me how popular he is and all the fun stuff he gets up to... its all a big act he puts on for his mum about not liking it.
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FionaS
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Posted: 24 September 2009 at 10:10pm |
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We stayed with her for about 4 weeks. It got to the point where I felt she was expecting that we'd always go so we started going for half the session only and slowly reduced it. According to the teachers she does reasonably well when left but can be grumpy.
I really felt she was milking the idea of having me or her nana stay with her and needed to learn that kindy was a place where she went and played with her own friends.
Fatts - not sure what you are referring to re: the problem solving? (sorry - could be baby brain!)
She is really grumpy and aggressive at the moment which could partly be a combo of her tempreament + the new baby in the house...I dunno.
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pepsi
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Posted: 25 September 2009 at 11:07am |
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Just my opinion, based on my experiences with Alyssa who also started Kindy roughly around the same time..
I think the fact that you stayed with her for so long at the beginning just means she is going to take longer to get into the routine of it all. Our Kindy recommended I only stay with her for the first week and then leave her to it so I did exactly that. Now I stay 15 mins and leave.
For the first month she didn't mind me leaving, and enjoyed her days - but every day I would ask if she had made friends and she said no. She said she didn't like anyone. Then another couple of weeks later she seemed to take a shine to one of the girls and now looks for her. Still only one girl that I know of though.
She had a week off sick recently and started crying when I left her, but after a couple of days got over that too. The Kindy teacher was great at supporting this phase and would cuddle or distract Alyssa as I left. It's not easy when they're crying but I could see whilst driving past on the way out that she would stop crying as soon as I was out of her sight!
There is a lot of stuff she does when I'm not around such as interact with other kids, and talk to the teacher..but if I'm there she will hang around me like a bad smell and get very clingy. As much as she says she doesn't want to go some days, I know once she is there she is going to have fun.
You have your hands full with a new baby now of course, so it's definitely worth persisting. That few hours break is a real blessing!
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fattartsrock
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Posted: 25 September 2009 at 2:51pm |
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Problem solving as in figuring out how to help herself and sort her problems out/find solutions that work for her instead if you doing it for her
IE the kids with lesser language skills. If left to themselves, they will figure out a way to communicate with each other, a bit like how a toddler and a preschooler can "communicate" without the need for you "translating" if you get my drift? Elle and Ashley will do this when Ashley is bigger.
The biggest problem we had was Mat time. Jake absolutely refused to sit down and be quiet for mat time, and it took about 2 terms until he actually did it, but the teachers worked with him, and to be honest it was me not being there that made it happen fastest. They have to learn that things can't be their way all the time, and the teachers will work hard to help settle kids in and get them used to the routine and structure of kindy and help the kids learn to problem solve on their own.
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The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P
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FionaS
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Posted: 25 September 2009 at 7:03pm |
Yes, totally get what you are saying 
We really do have some big behavioural issues at the moment and I suspect they lie at the core of the problem. It is just hard to know what is causing what and what the root problem is. She is very loud, rough and aggressive (if you knew our family you'd laugh at the irony). It might be the baby, it might be kindy, it might be something else. It is quite hard to know at times! It is similarly hard to know where to start in unravelling it and putting the right plans in place.
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fattartsrock
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Posted: 25 September 2009 at 8:30pm |
They don't call 'em threenagers for nothing, lovie! Good luck! Then only advice I can offer is stick to your guns, otherwise they just take over! its tiring.
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The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P
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FionaS
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Posted: 25 September 2009 at 8:55pm |
Oh wow! I've never heard that before. Perfect...love it! Great (in a perverse way) to know it is a widespread thing!
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FionaS
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Posted: 25 September 2009 at 8:59pm |
 pepsi wrote:
Just my opinion, based on my experiences with Alyssa who also started Kindy roughly around the same time..
I think the fact that you stayed with her for so long at the beginning just means she is going to take longer to get into the routine of it all. Our Kindy recommended I only stay with her for the first week and then leave her to it so I did exactly that. Now I stay 15 mins and leave.
For the first month she didn't mind me leaving, and enjoyed her days - but every day I would ask if she had made friends and she said no. She said she didn't like anyone. Then another couple of weeks later she seemed to take a shine to one of the girls and now looks for her. Still only one girl that I know of though.
She had a week off sick recently and started crying when I left her, but after a couple of days got over that too. The Kindy teacher was great at supporting this phase and would cuddle or distract Alyssa as I left. It's not easy when they're crying but I could see whilst driving past on the way out that she would stop crying as soon as I was out of her sight!
There is a lot of stuff she does when I'm not around such as interact with other kids, and talk to the teacher..but if I'm there she will hang around me like a bad smell and get very clingy. As much as she says she doesn't want to go some days, I know once she is there she is going to have fun.
You have your hands full with a new baby now of course, so it's definitely worth persisting. That few hours break is a real blessing! |
I totally agree! I was against us staying but they really felt it was best and managed to talk my MIL around so she went along heaps and still likes to go. I've told her I'm reluctant for her to go now as Elle needs to learn kindy is her time to play with friends / independently not her time to play with Nana. I KNOW my daughter and up to this point she was fiercely independent and confident in social settings. The kindy teachers didn't seem so sure so in the end I went with their judgement. Perhaps in hindsight I should've been more assertive. I guess we all make mistakes when we haven't been there before huh.
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Dislike of Kindy