The evil green monster

Firstly this is about no one person and for the ladies that got their BFP please don’t feel bad and feel free to post-

I’m in a good place about TTC, but the one thing that is hitting me REALLY hard is jealousy. Every time someone (IRL) has news I think that they are UTD! Even when the OB girls get their BFP it tears me up inside. This is going to sound really bad but ladies that have had a MC are now getting another BFP and I think why cant I even get 1 in the time that they have got 2! Then there are the new ones that seem to get UTD straight away

As you can tell this is really getting to me so for those long-timers how do you deal with it? I’m always happy for the ladies that get there BFPs but normally I read they have it and cant post until the feeling inside has gone away


Edited by __H__

H, I have been there before and it is hard. There isnt really any way to get 'over' it... it just became a matter of putting a mask on and showing my 'happy' face in public, and keeping how I really felt to myself... A LOT of women came and went in the time I was TTCing... hell, some women had those babies and got UTD AGIN before I finally got my bfp!

I found myself putting a line between those who I KNEW had been TTCing, and those that I either didnt know, or those that I knew werent planning on it... I could be happy for those who I knew had been TTCing, but the ones on the other side... I just couldnt do it.

What made me wake up was walking through malls, and down the road etc, and looking at all those preggy tummys and feeling SO jealous/sad and some days (esp when I was mid-af, or the month we found out DPs SA rsults) it was all I could do just to keep myself from crying... I am not an overly emotional person, so that was huge for me... but then when it finally WAS my turn, I realised that someone like me could be out there looking at ME thinking/feeling the same... and I realised that just because I didnt KNOW their story, didnt mean I shouldnt have been happy for them... That scenario only really works IRL, since with posting on boards like this, you pretty much know if they are new to TTC or not... most of the time I just said the obligatory congrats and talked about something else...unless it was someone I knew had been trying for a while and would truly appreciate how special that baby really was...

dont know if my ramble makes you feel any better or not... but just wanted to let you know you arent the only one whose felt this way

I can totally identify with your feelings. I'm in an akward position here on OB, I'm new here and have been TTC for 7mths (this is mth 8) which compared to some of the ladies on here is nothing. The hard part for me is that it feels much longer, I had waited almost 6yrs for us to start TTC. During that time my closest friend had 1 m/c and 2 sucessful pregnancies (I'm godmother to the older one), and my sister had a whoops baby and quite a few of my other friends had babies. Every time I was sssoooo jealous. I didn't want their baby, I wanted my turn. I want my own beautiful little bundle of promise.
I can remember fleeing the Mall one day cause I couldn't cope, there were pregnant women and new babies everywhere I looked.

I can't say I'm over this yet but I'm trying to let it go because the only person it hurts is me. Like yesterday when I held my bosses 4 day old baby I had to blink away the tears. I had watched this baby grow inside my boss while every month AF arrived sometime more than a week late. I know that they waited a long time to be UTD but I still felt...... resentful that it wasn't my turn. I always feel like a horrible person for feeling this way which is why I'm trying HARD to let it go.

oh i should have post this ages ago! i have been feeling like this for a while and didnt know if i should post it, im glad i have coz i know im not nuts or a evil person coz i feel like this

Edited by __H__

Ok , im going to go from the other end of the spectrum and say that I am one of those people who , so far , has had the good fortune to get utd relatively easily and quickly , this is not a brag, its just fact .
When I was TTC Ty I got pregnant the second cycle , and I know that that is nothing compared to what others go through , but it still felt like the longest month of my life , the 2 week wait is a long long two weeks, whether you have been trying for a month , or a year , and when I did get UTD , part of me was really worried about posting about my BFP because I didn't want to be insensitive to the people that hadn't got theres yet, Im not stupid, I expected people to have the thought of "why her , why not me " and I could competly understand that .
I think its human nature to feel envious, of course this is me talking from the opposite point of view , so its easier for me to say , but I used to make myself feel less guilty by thinking that they would get their BFPs too , one day , and I just held on (and still do ) to that hope and belief .



Edited by caitlynsmygirl

Hugs, having struggled to TTC #2 which came as a shock to us after #1 was very accidentally easy, you have every right to feel the way you do. I kept our struggle from my family & DH in part because I knew how hard it can makes things. Then I came on here into the TWW & it seemed like we got preg straight away. TBH I had no clue that it would hurt others.

I now feel for my SIL & Bro who are just starting their journey. They dearly want kids & are fabulous with mine. I have decided that I am not going to try for my 3rd baby until they are successful because I think it would break her heart if we got preg & they didn't.

I hope those that do get upset learn to deal with it, as its really sad when people finally get their bfp's they feel they can't celebrate it, for fear of offending someone. This is a forum about all things pregnancy and babies after all, I feel I have to hide my joy so I don't hurt anyone,

This forum must be a horrible place to hang out in if pregnancies and babies are upsetting! I have a couple of friends in RL who used to be on here but stopped because they couldn't deal with the constant pregnancies when it wasn't happening for them. I think that's fair enough. IRL it's a little harder to avoid however!

I also think the ones that get their BFP, now exactly how the ones left behind feel as they have been there before.

So be happy when you get pg, don't worry about the ones that are not happy & go enjoy you pg

I agree H...

The disappointment of TTC along with the joy of getting pregnant seems to be represented in a variety of different topics.

I am always happy for people who get pregnant...and I know when it happens to me I will shout it from the roof tops and everyone will be happy for me.

However, until that happens, I still get the ache in my heart, the fear that it might never happen.

Unfortunately both heartache and joy come together in one bundle when you are TTC. And we dont seem to talk so much about the heartache and the green eyed monsters because we dont want to ruin another persons moment.

So lets keep this thread for the irrational, completely unjustified, but no less real, little green monsters in all of us. We can all be slight green with envy and crazy together.