DP wants another....

And I'm terrified! He's started to get all clucky and even telling his mates that "it wouldn't be that bad to get her knocked up now" (in man speak that means "I've thought about a lot bro"). I've suggested we adopt but he's got his heart set on another child of his own. Now I know I haven't posted my birth story, but I have reasons for being a bit nervous. I loved being pregnant, I love my daughter, I'd love for her to have a brother or sister - but I don't think I'm ready to have another c-section, and I'm not allowed to try for a natural birth I'm scared of going into labour again, and I have no idea how I'll find a midwife next time because I sure as anything will NOT be using the MW from my 1st.

How have those of you who suffered traumatic births found being pregnant again? Did it help let go of your issues or did you spend the whole 9 months worrying?

I feel really sad that I'll never be able to give birth naturally. But the upside of that is - by having a scheduled c-section I should be able to avoid labour this time. Thre's no way I could go through that again. DP just doesn't understand how I feel - he just thinks that if he wants one, and I want one, then it should be an easy decision. But it's MY body that has to go through surgery again. And it wasn't him going through the labour last time.

My problem is, as much as I would have loved to try for a VBAC, I'm under orders from the OB who did my emergency C that I am NEVER to try for a vaginal birth (she was fantastic - told me I could still have 10 babies if I wanted as long as I made sure I had a ceasarean). So I don't really have any say as to what sort of birth I have. With my daughter, I did the hypnobirthing stuff, planned on a beautiful natural birth using music and water to help me through it - but my body was built by a different design.

The thing is, as we have an OB shortage here (there was NO resident OB at the hosptial when I had my girl, that's why I was in labour for soooo long), I'm worried that I might go into labour and not have anybody around to operate, so end up in the same sort of situation.

I didn't have a c-section but my pregnancy was a medically mismanaged nightmare and my labour and Jakes birth went completely pear-shaped thanks to my psychotic ex and it took me til, well, June this year to even contemplate the idea of another one.
We agreed to TTC then immediately got a BFP which sent me into a right awful state and I attempted to book a termination Since my pregnancy has been alright I'm alot more settled but I hit 18 weeks and all of sudden I'm having total panic attacks about labour 2 weeks later and its not getting any better. I'm trying not to think about it coz TBH I've got no idea what to do. The only thing I figure is that since all the labour complications were unexpected last time then this time is guaranteed to be different and that means 50% liklihood of it going better and because they're managing my health better this time then dd another 25% chance of it going smoothly and bam! lol I've got a 75% of it going well...
Anyway this is probably no help whatsoever but I do hope you and DP find something that suits you both hun xx

Thanks lilfatty, I needed somebody to point out some of the common sense stuff. My brains in the "emotional" place not the logical place at present when it comes to this subject.

Thanks Babe. It's comforting to know that somebody else has been in a similar head space ( I think if I got a BFP I'd panic just like you did) to where I might be. And 75% is pretty good odds!

I also feel my biological clock is ticking a bit - I don't really want to take the risks that come with advanced maternal age, no matter how slim the chances may be. So it's like I need to get my head around this sooner, or we might miss the window of opportunity.

Good idea about seeing if my GP can refer to me to somebody at the hospital cuppatea. My MW had refused to give me a scan in NZ (I asked for one), and she had my dates wrong (Mum and I had a different set of dates) so I went two weeks overdue, and was in labour for 211 hours because the MW was sure it was prelabour as E didn't descend (she couldn't as my pelvis was to small so her head became impacted).So by MW's dates I went into labour 9 days early. (By my dates I went into labour 3 days overdue).

Sheza, that's cool that once you were pregnant you had a good pregnancy. It sounds like you had a really good team. How was the recovery from a c section the second time round?

oh i totally get what you mean..

and i really really wanted another baby but i really really didnt want to be pregnant again and I really really dont want to go through labour again esp with a near awful ending like last time.. even though he said it was up to me i just didnt want to wait too long cause he is funny about having kids after 40(he's 39 and his Dad died at 40) and I knew if i didnt do it soon i wouldnt want to do it again..

I have worried a lot more but only because everything hurts more and i am at risk of pre term labour but.. in general i worried a lot less ..though i am concerned they might make me try for vbac... :(

i am just hoping that the recovery is better(has to be!!) and i have a lot more support this time.. so that might help too..

cuppatea wrote: Perhaps you could talk to your gp about it and he may be able to refer you to someone at the hospital who you can talk to before getting pg, so you can sort out all your worries, or you might be able to find a mw who is willing as well (although they don't get paid for elective c/s which can make them reluctant to take you on).

I just thought I'd add in here that midwives can actually get paid for an elective and they get paid for all the antenatal and postnatal care so don't let that put you off. A lot of midwives would be happy to go through your notes and talk about the possible options for you before you are even pregnant.

Kebabkat, I've considered moving to palmy with my daughter and leaving DP here to work if I get pregnant just so I can use the palmy hospital for the medical team. Strangely, he's not that keen on the idea.....

Four eyes, stick to your guns and make sure you're crystal clear and stubborn as a mule that you want an elective.

Yep the sibling thing is pretty cool to watch, who knew a 17 month old would have such a strong bond with this tiny little person being bought into HER home.

Do you have family in Palmy? Im useless with geography so I have no idea how far away it is .. but I was able to birth at a hospital outside of my district as my midwife was affiliated to Auckland (I live in the Waitakere Hospital catchment area).

No family in Palmy, but it's a 45 minute drive on a good day. Unfortunatly it's a completely different DHB, so I'd have to be living there to use Palmy hospital. When there was no OB here, they were taking emergencies to Palmy hospital, but only at the last minute so there were a couple of babies delivered in the back of the ambulance.