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Rachael21 
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Location: New Zealand
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 Topic: Death
Posted: 27 October 2008 at 12:41pm |
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I was just wondering what people have done when explaining death. Did you explain it when someone died or just always mentioned it.
My cat at my parents house died a few months back and I had to go and pick him up from the vet and take back to my parents to be buried. My Dad really didn't want me telling Jack about it saying he was too young. In movies when something dies Jack says "oh hes sleeping" and I have just left it at that. On the other hand I would hate for something to happen to someone and Jack being so shocked because he had never heard of death before.
What are others opinions?
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mummy_becks
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Posted: 27 October 2008 at 1:28pm |
It wasn't mentioned to Andrew till this year when his first guinea pigs dies. He was really good with it. I told him that they got very sick (the pet shop sold us babies far too early) and there was nothing we could do and they died. I told him it is not like sleeping when they will wake up tomorrow and I think he understood pretty well.
He went to his first funeral 3 weeks ago and was told that the lady in the wooden box was daddies aunty and just like the guinea pigs she died and that she was very sick. And that people are sad that she died (his cousins were crying) and that is why they are crying.
In early 2007 my in laws cat got sick and she had to be put down, we didn't say anything to Andrew about her and he never asked. I would only say something if Jack asks where the cat is.
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I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived!
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Rachael21
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Posted: 27 October 2008 at 5:54pm |
Ok thanks for that Becks I didn't want to scar him for life 
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Paws
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Posted: 27 October 2008 at 6:02pm |
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When we lost Bosco the other week we explained it to Maddie in as simple terms as possible. We told her that Bosco had died and that he would now live in our hearts. We told her he might even be waiting for us at a special place for pets called the Rainbow Bridge.
Not sure how much she took in but she does understand Bosco is gone. Whenever she sees his picture she always looks at us and says "Bosco gone".
We'll explain what is in his urn also when she asks. I'd prefer to tell her the truth right from the start rather than shock her with it later.
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Rachael21
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Posted: 27 October 2008 at 6:23pm |
Thanks Paws, I thought that would be the best way but my Dad said he was way too young. Maybe next time.
Man I thought parenting got easier not harder 
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Maya
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Posted: 27 October 2008 at 8:57pm |
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Haha, nope, definitely harder!
My SIL passed away very suddenly a few weeks ago and that was Maya's first real experience of death. I tried to be as open and up front with her as possible, it was quite confronting as being Maori they had an open coffin so I had to explain that to her. I let her guide the conversation and tried to answer her questions honestly but at an age appropriate level. She has mentioned Aunty Sandy being in heaven a few times since but she doesn't seem too stressed out by it.
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busymum
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Posted: 27 October 2008 at 9:13pm |
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Bizzy
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Posted: 27 October 2008 at 9:22pm |
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if the kids see something dead - ie bugs, animals maybe a person on tv (very rare that tho) then i do differentiate between sleeping and dead. in fact the other day we had a discussion over the body of a dead possum we found on the way home from kindy. the kids thought we could fix it... i dont think you need to go into huge details - just as someone said make it age appropriate.
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Jennz
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Posted: 27 October 2008 at 9:40pm |
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Charlotte was obsessed with death for a couple of months when she was about 3 1/2- she used to talk about things dying constantly- every night she would get upset because she didn't want me to die. At the time our cat had died a few months beforehand and my grandfather had just died- so I think she was just trying to process all that.
I just tried to steer clear of associating it with being asleep or being sick- apart from that I just let her ask questions and tried to answer them age appropriately.
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Jen, Charlotte 7 & Kate 3 
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Rachael21
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Posted: 28 October 2008 at 1:50pm |
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Ok thanks everyone I might have to casually mention it next time it comes up.
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caitlynsmygirl
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Posted: 29 October 2008 at 1:32pm |
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definetly gets harder ...explaining death is uneasy enough (tho i agree, keep it simple , dont tell them more than they need to know )
explaining to your 4 year old daughter that a child died is harder .
Answering your child when she comes home from school and says to you "some people hurt children and kill them , dont they " is never a conversation you want to have ....especially because you want to promise them the moon , the stars , the sun , that you will never let anything bad happen to them ...and some things are out of your control.
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yup, its sure tough to be a parent sometimes !
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Candkids
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Posted: 29 October 2008 at 5:51pm |
sarahs started with shortland street!!! when alices baby died, sarah wanted to know why and then turned around and said but why do some people be mean to babies and make them dead. . .
me and dh were  and speachless.
sarah understands that when pets like her rabbit die that they dont come back but for some reason she thinks that " if a big person dies they go to hospital and the people fix them again"
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 DD 10.5yrs DS 6yrs DS 11mths 5 little angles watching from above
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Death
=RachandJack]Man I thought parenting got easier not harder 
