4-5yr old drama, is this normal?

I love my daughter to bits, and she has always been quite melodramatic and over the top about things, but lately this has taken a new spin and I just want to know if this is normal or not.

To start with, I just want to make it clear that we've had many discussions about her place in our family, how much we love her and that no matter what we will ALWAYS love her, there is nothing she could do to make us stop loving her etc etc and that while sometimes we might get frustrated with the way she is behaving that doesn't change the fact that we love her.

She's started interpreting what we say in really over the top ways, 'can you please put your nightie back on your bed' gets the added tag of 'or you'll think I'm a horrible horrible girl'. 'Could you please put your shoes in the hallway with everyone elses' gets 'or you'll never ever want me' added to it in her mind, and these things are what shes saying to both me and hubby. When I say that it's time for the TV to go off she'll wail 'and you'll never ever ever never ever ever (these never evers can sometimes go on for so long that she forgets what she was never ever'ing about) let me watch TV ever ever again!' This happens for almost everything... whenever we go to the supermarket I buy some kind of treat (the other day it was strawberries, which both of the girls love) but instead of being happy about that she spent the entire trip saying 'and I'm not allowed some chocolate, and I'm not allowed a chocolate milk, and I can't have any chips'. This morning I was trying to explain that the tights she is wearing are only 3/4 so they don't go down to her ankles, they were in the right place (she was trying to pull them down) and she was like 'fine! I'll pull them up here and they'll be ugly!' and pulled them up over her thighs, then she said that I told her to do it! I was like umm no.... I was just saying they were in the right place.

It's exhausting. I've heard that kids this age can go through a moody/hormonal stage, do you think thats what this is? Or is there a deeper issue? I've asked her to start listening to what I'm saying, because she seems to be hearing something completely different (and a million times worse), we've never put conditions on our love for her, so I'm not really sure where this might be stemming from. All I know is that it's hard work, and I think I'm too tired to cope with it very well without a few suggestions - so anyone have any, please??

I do try and keep it light, it's just the constant drama that wears me down, often when I try to make her smile over it she just gets grumpier at me.

As for the family stuff, it's something we've had to do. I'm not her biological mother, though I have been her full time 'mum' since she was 1yr old. her other mother spent a fair bit of time suggesting that I wasn't going to stick around etc etc, and I think Ivy has a lot of unresolved abandonment issues because her other mum simply seems to have no time for her at all, though she makes time for Ivy's older half sister. It was important that we make sure she knows that no matter what, I'm not going anywhere and that I love her unconditionally, that having a new baby wasn't going to mean we didn't want her etc etc etc. She can be a pretty sensitive kid and I'm well aware of that.

They do don't they? lol she's been using the 'you hate me!' on her Dad, though she's not tried that on me yet lol.

Thanks for the reminder about picking battles. I think I maybe do a bit of over compensation because I worry that somehow I'm not enough to fill the void her other Mum left, which is probably why it gets to me so much. Gotta separate our own issues from our kids ones! lol

you have described my five year old BOY to a tee. he does the same thing. we discuss things at night and i tell him that we love him no matter what. he thinks up "what about when I'm naughty"
"well, i don't like what you are doing, but i still love you"

very dramatic at this age!

Oh goodness me, my 4.5 yo is gunning for a part on shortland street, I think, slammed doors and all!

My 2nd son went through the, " I hate you" when ever I told him off or sent him to his room. At first it really hurt. But after the 5th time, I just use to say "but I love you" and he would yell back, "NO! but I really hate you" and I would just repeat myself "I know, but I love you". He stopped saying it to me after a while.
My daughter does the "well I am never going to get a turn" and crosses her arms and looks real crossly at you, when you tell her to wait her turn or object to something she is doing.
We use distraction alot.

I think that 4-5yr old age group can be hard, especially when they are not bio children. I am a step mum too,(I have been in her life since she was 3yrs) and alway feel like I am being judged by the way I am treating her. I know it is all in my head, but I still am judging myself when ever her bio grandmother (MIL) is around or step daughters mum is around.

All we do is be consistant in our house on what the rules are and expectations are. Make sure that hubby and I are on the same page with dealing with certain issues.
Just take one day at a time,lol.

Poor little girl. I can only imagine how she must feel to have had mum move away like that.
I am glad you have had your little break through though, it must make you feel better.
If anything, as much as I feel for the little girl not having her bio mum around. She is very lucky to have a step mum like you to reassure her about things.
As for the drama, I think it is a little girls middle name,lol.

crap Ella is only nearly three and we have this!!! not quite so dramatic but lately its been:

"if you do # Mummy I will be so grumpy...." then rattles on for five mins with verbal diarohea!

and today was
"i dont like daycare cause I have no friends...my daycare children dont like me...they SO grumpy andthey wont play with me..." - until i get to DC and was laughed off by the teachers and then saw the Ella princess gang arrive (headrush fast forward to them being 13 year olds OMFG!!!) ...NO idea where they get these negative things from that arent true (ugly, grumpy, not liked etc....) to add into their conversations! ugh!!!

LOL I love the hrrummphhhs, I do, they always make me giggle. It's so nice to know that this really is common - I must have a lot of friends whose kids are just low maintenance hehe.

Bombshell - I can very well imagine Ivy as a teenager and it is NOT going to be fun! She'll take the door off its hinges with the slamming by then I think