Time to go to Dr?

Hi, I'm new here, but just really need to write how I'm feeling and get some opinions!

My daughter is 5 months old. The first 3 months she was a dream baby, starting sleeping through at about 8 weeks old and slept well during the day. Then at 3 months old she just started taking 40min sleeps during the day, resulting in a grumpy tired baby most of the day. I thought I was doing really well, but lately I've had the odd day where I just wake up thinking 'I don't want to do this today'. I'm a 'routine' kind of person and at the moment I feel so confused due to her sleeping habits. I don't know whether I should put her down, keep her up or what. Some days I'm fine and will just go with the flow and cope with her crying, other days I just want to run away!

I feel so bad for feeling like this. On the bad days I also don't have those maternal instincts AT ALL. I often think I can't do this again with a second and often think I just want the one child. I also feel really bad about this as I would love her to have a little brother or sister. Hubby is rearing to go to get started on the next one at the end of this year!

Some days I despise hubby going off to work. I'm terrible at staying at home with the same four walls day in day out. It's hard to go out with her as she doesn't sleep well, therefore usually screams in the car or pram. My husband's family live close by and are good support, however it's only my Dad who lives near us and, well, my relationship with him is not exactly close. Our family have never been ones to 'open up' with our feelings, so it's hard for me to do.

Some days I find myself thinking I can't wait for her to grow up so we can actually go out and do things. At the moment we're just staying home at the weekends. On the days we have been to visit people, she has screamed the place down which is very stressful and doesn't make it enjoyable at all.
I know I should be enjoying these first few months, but I'm not at all........I also feel really bad about this.

I find myself missing my old life of work and being able to get out and about. I've found the transition from my 'old life' to my new life extremely hard.

So with all of this happening, some days I just cry for some of the day, made even worse when she won't sleep. I don't get angry with her, just frustrated sometimes, but more upset than anything. We've had many a day with her in my arms, her crying, me crying etc etc
My mood is so up and down, I'm fine when around other people, but on my own i just sometimes breakdown. Although I have 'broken down' a couple of times in front of hubby. He's asked if I'm ok, and I've told him sometimes I just want to do something different.

Oops, sorry for such a long post!! Just needed to get it all out there.
Forgot to say I also feel really tired during the day, even though she's still sleeping through and I often wake up with headaches.
So are these just normal first time mum feelings, or should I be going to see a Dr?

You seem to be feeling and having alot of the same issues that I had with Jack and I think I had PND back then although I wasn't officially diagnosed until about 6mths ago. I even started working from home when Jack was 3mths old to try and get back some of my old life but it just made things worse.

You may not have PND or you might, either way I would suggest going and having a chat with your GP about it and see if they can help you. I know that it is easier said than done but try not to feel guilty about your feelings, you love your DD and care enough about both of you to be on here rying to get answers.

Good luck!

Hey there- first of all a for you cuz it sounds like you need one!

I think some of these feelings are very normal. Having a new baby brings up so many feelings, not all of them nice, for 99% of new mums. BUT what I think sometimes changes things from 'normal'/healthy, to PND can be the frequency of these hard time. For instance, having breakdowns every now in these early months would is probably normal, and crying with your baby every now and then is too. But if this is happening more than, say weekly, it might be a sign that things aren't quite right. Have a look at:
http://www.mothersmatter.co.nz/Post-Natal-Depression/Have-I-got-it.asp
It's just one way of seeing if what you are feeling might be depression. If it is, head off to your doc. You certainly don't have anything to lose by doing so either way in fact. No-one will judge your mothering...if they do, they shouldn't be a doctor!

And keep looking on here for more stories. You might recognise some things in other people's versions of PND that make you think 'hey that sounds similar'...and of course, come across some tips!

Hang in there
PND or not, it's still early days with bubs. Things WILL get better!

Jackie, huge to you. As a few others have said, I could have written what you have said word for word as well! I often feel totally overwhelmed and wonder whether I was actually ready to have a baby. Before bubs was born I was a perfectionist in everything that I did and I expected the same high expectations of myself being a mum. But it was so different than I expected and there is nothing that you can do to 'control' a baby - you can try your best to do all the right things but at the end of the day they have a mind of their own. I still get quite stressed when DS doesn't fit into the 'routine' that I think he should be fitting into.

In fact, just the other night I had a crying session with DH - I told him that I felt like a failure as a mother because I wasn't enjoying it and I felt like DS deserved a mother that actually enjoyed being with him and caring for him I felt really guilty about the way I was feeling.

What makes it worse is that I find people don't really talk about how hard it is to be a Mum so that makes me feel like even more of a failure!

But I think at the end of the day, a lot of us struggle and this forum is so great to realise you're not alone.

For your own peace of mind, I'd go to the Docs and just have a chat. He may be able to put your mind at rest and inform you of any help that is out there should you need it.

Let us know how you get on xxx