Knowing when to stop

So DP and i have been trying since Sep last year. I know this is that long but i am getting depressed about it as i thought i would have a baby by the end of this year. DP isnt the best at talking about his feelings but i know from things that he has said he really wants a baby as well. we are both young (im 21 and he is 25) and both have issues that will effect our fertility (havent been tested yet) I dont have anyone (other then DP) i can talk to about TTC

my question is how do you know its time to take a break from TTC? its not like time is a problem and we wouldnt be totally "giving up" but it would mean no keeping track of my cycles or using OPKs. i honestly dont know if im up to getting my fertility tested (though DP has the forms to get his little guys test)

any thoughts or ideas on where i should/could go from here would be great

Hugs hun, I do agree with CJ that if there is a problem, waiting isnt going to resolve it, but also understand that is a very scary thought that you may not be ready to deal with (though on the flip side, you could be worried for nothing....)

If it were me I would get my BT done and DP analysis done and go from there.

If all is well then maybe just take a couple of months of not trying/not preventing. Focus on parts of your life that have fallen by the wayside and start enjoying yourself again and then once you are feeling good again, you can start be a bit more proactive.

Sometimes a break from the stress can do wonders!

However, if something comes up in the tests then you can take the same not trying/not preventing while you get an action plan.

Big huge hugs though hun!

H, I was feeling a lot like you just before I got pregnant.

We had been trying since May-June 2009, and I got UTD in March so it had been close to that one year mark and I was getting scared. I had had the test for polycystic ovarian syndrome but didn't have it, but still had a long cycle at 40 days each time.

I tried everything, taking vitex, OPKs, got DH on zinc, was charting and all of those things and I got to a point where I was absolutely and completely obsessed (and depressed) about it. It was taking over my life, I talked of nothing else and the stress of it did take a huge toll on our sex life as it became about doing it for a purpose and result.

The reason I believe I got pregnant in the end is because I let go. I had decided that I was going to see the doctor to have some more tests done when that one year mark arrived, and till then I would just not even think of it anymore. We didn't go back to contraceptives or anything, but I just let go somehow. I decided I was too young (23) to be so obsessed with this. I decided to focus on what was good in my life and what I wanted to do. I had just started a new career in teaching and wanted to put attention to that and also enjoy the newfound money by going out on dates with DH and buying things I liked etc.

And then the next month, somehow, randomly, I must have had my first 28 day cycle in years, got pregnant and I really don't know how as I wasn't tracking when and I don't even remember when we did it that month.

Im not saying that this is the magical answer and that would happen for you, but I truly do believe the stress in my life and the stress I had within myself was preventing me from getting pregnant. As soon as I let it all go, it happened. I believe things like OPKS and charting and vitex are all helpful, but sometimes nature just had to do its thing and maybe leaving it alone is a better way.

I do agree with what others have said, if there is a problem then waiting isn't going to change much. I felt like if I went to the doctor and got some answers then maybe I could get some power back over the situation. If you know what's wrong, and what you can do, somehow you take the reigns back of TTC again. When you're just trying month to month and hoping and praying you can feel very useless and out of control. It's the one thing in my life Ive experienced that I never had any control over and I found that very very hard.

But you do have to be be ready to seek help... that has to come when you decide the time is right.

You have PCOS if I remember correctly? Are you on meds for that? Maybe that would be the first step, to get on meds, even if it's just to help you as a person, not TTC. That's what I was going to do, go to the doctor to make sure everything was ok within me and I was healthy, and then I was going to decide what to do from there. I wanted to sort out my cycle and my health, and then consider a baby after that. Im lucky I didn't have to do that, but that was my plan. Knowledge is power and maybe knowing what you can do will help you get through this and get your baby in the end?

I didn't get to that point right away it was after months of heartache, I had just had enough.... and sometimes no amount of what other people say can get you there, it has to come from you. But I know you will get some clarity in the situation when you're ready.

I hope this helps a little

Hey H, I think if you are feeling like you need a break then you should probably take one.

We started TTC back in March 08 for four months and then stopped, not for the same reasons as you but because we weren't sure if we were ready to have a baby. We didn't start up again until early this year. I'm really glad we did that because I would rather be 100% into it as TTC is a big decision!

You probably don't want to hear this but you are still really young and have lots of time on your side (even if you do find you have fertility issues)

Take care of yourself

hey H... TTC can suck and it really does begin to over consume your life.

i think that if you feel like you need a break then you do. listen to what your body is telling you and stop charting etc for a while. you will feel much better for it.

you should still consider the tests though cos they take time too.  as you know i started with the testing at the beginning of the year and 6 mths later are stll trying to find out why DH and I can't get UTD.

i hope that you find a solution that will make you and DH happy. you are still young hun so why not take a year or 2 off and see what happens in between.

sending you lots of strength, love and hugs.

Thanks heaps - so when you get your bloods done do you have to know when you are 7dpo?

TTC is the pits  huge ((hugs)) H. Totally know how you feel although I'm not aware of any fertility issues i had, I certainly couldn't seem to get pg v quickly and m/c a number of times when I did

The month we concieved Clodagh I was truely ready to take a big break as I'd had enough of all the palava that can go with TTC. I say if you feel like a break, take one! If you feel the need to get BT etc done and you think that'll give you some peace of mind or alternatively, an explanation, then go for it.

The break doesn't have to be long and as I don't know how old you are or your actual fertility issues so can't comment really on what i would do in 'your' shoes IYKWIM. But you are the best judge of what you need so trust your instincts. If you *do* decide to take a break, make sure you spend the time doing something you've always wanted to do like study or travel or night classes or losing weight or getting fit etc etc. Don't just 'take abreak' and do nothing cos that probably won't take your mind off TTC lol. 

Is took us over 1 year to conceive DD, at the time i was 21 also. I had been off all contraception for 6 months before that also.

I have no problems i am aware off, i dont know why it took so long. i was not charting etc so that could be a reason it took us so long

Perhaps try to stop thinking about it for 6 months, plan to have sex at least weekly though and see if that works.

Sorry i have no advice. But good luck getting you BFP

some good advice here. I'd go with the 'getting stuff checked out' with the docs, and if you have an unsupportive GP can you change to one who IS supportive?
From my perspective, I realised weird things were afoot, then put it off and put it off for best part of a year. Then went and found myself a decent GP and started again.
I've found that public waiting lists (if this is the way you would go ) can be extremely frustrating when you want to move on with ttc. Not sure where in the country you are, but truly, I would recommend at least getting on some waiting list, if stuff like laparoscopic procedures are likely.
Rather than deciding you want to go for ttc and then having to wait for the wheels of public health to slowly turn

LR i have had 2 lap surgery to remove my endo- one when i was 14 and one when i was 17. Since i had my IUD taken out (last year and i had it put in on my last surgery) i havent had any other testing or anything done so it may not have come back.

Im going to make an appointment to see my old GP (a hour drive!) and take DP. we talked about it last night and he really wants to get things moving