Abuse is Abuse .......

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   Well it's funny, one can accept abuse as a child, get over it once one has had a mental breakdown. One can accept marital abuse, it's easy you can walk away (though still wear the scars from all, they do fade with time). But when it comes to parental abuse it is the hardest of all. 

Parental abuse is one of the least recognised forms of abuse. You have an uncontrolled child. It is your parenting skills which are at fault, as seen by the outside world. 

We bring our children into the world, love them, care for them, nurture them. It was because of my childhood that I made every measure to not be at all like my mother. Learnt behavioural techniques etc. I was firm, set guidelines, helped my children through so much. It did not help after leaving ex hubby that he gave the kids a TV for the living room, "so you can watch what you like when you like and your mother can't stop you", it did not help when he told the kids ages 12 and 14 "not to do anything your mother tells you she should not be so lazy and do it herself". It set the precedence of things to come. 

My son by the age of 16 expected the earth to rotate around him, he became very abusive physically to his younger brother. He became very verbal towards me. No matter what, he could see nothing wrong in the way he acted. It was all me according to him, I was imagining it. He would damage property, etc. It made no difference what I did, he carried on, but always short of anything I could call the police on. The property damage was always when I was away and he denied it. By the age of 17 he had become a father and moved on.

He is now 18 and currently is going up to court on charges of threatening to kill, threats made to his neighbour. He ended up homeless through a situation he had no control in, so me being a mum, took him in. He was asked to respect me, no abusing his siblings, reprimanding them when I am present etc, simple rules. His response, he can do what he likes, when he likes. He had lasted not even a week when I had to ask him to move on. He has no respect. He denies there is anything wrong with the way he behaves. He feels his past has not affected him in any way. How can you get help for someone like this? How can you live with someone like this?

My older daughter is very verbally abusive, very Narcissistic, and she denies saying anything she does, turns it back on me, saying I twist things, lie etc. She does not respect me, abuses her siblings, reprimanding them when I am present. She admits we can't live together, it becomes a very poisonous relationship, where my depression returns. I won't tolerate being told what I should or should not do by my children, I won't tolerate abuse by my children.

It comes to a point when you have to say enough is enough. I could sit trying, giving my all to help my children, who continuously throw everything back at me in two folds. Abuse is abuse. That is all it is they display. They don't care about me, only themselves. One can only say no to their child so much, when in the end, we have to look back and think I have tried to help my child, I have fought for them, offered many services to assist them. At the end of the day they have to decide on which path they wish to take. There comes a time when as a parent we have to let go, we can't help everyone, especially those who do not wish to be helped. It does not mean we do not love our children any less, it is because of this love we need to let them live their own life, make their mistakes. It is the hardest thing a parent can do, but it is for our own wellbeing, our own sanity. One can only take so much abuse. We need to live, we deserve to live.

As to being nuts, does insane count lol. Myself I have found a me who I like, it took three years out of my marriage to find myself. I have found I love to laugh, it took a lot to get used to hearing this noise, I never used to laugh.

Recently someone has come into my life, a friend from my past. He lives in Australia, was in an emotionally abusive marriage. Through phone calls, emails, messaging and texting with our cell phones he has become close to me. He has given me the confidence to change the goals I had set and look for other ones, to move to Australia a place better for mine and the kids health. In the past I would have lacked the confidence to make a vast move such like this. He also has pushed me to open up. I pull inwards when things get too much. He pushes me to express myself, something hard to do when for so many years my thoughts and opinions didn't matter, I have been a nothing, now I am someone. But many times I push my friend away, put up the walls, I can become so mean, say stuff I know will hurt. He now knows why. It is not him, it is me. Through it all it has made me realise I am still growing within myself. More than I realised.

The abuse through the years has made me very strong. I now know what I want from others, how I want to be treated, how I deserve to be treated. I have finally reached the point where when someone abuses me, I won't take the Victim stature (head down, avoid eye contact, slumped shoulders). I want to walk tall with my head held high. To be a survivor.