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Katherine 
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Location: New Zealand
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 Topic: Your alternate life...
Posted: 02 August 2007 at 9:36pm |
Do you ever think about what your life would be like if you'd made a different choice, way back when?
I'm not talking about getting a case of the "What ifs", where you sit around brooding about the things you should have done and the mistakes you've made. I'm thinking more along the lines of that Gwyneth Paltrow movie "Sliding Doors" -- one choice can radically change your life. So what's your life-changing choice? And how would your life have been different if you hadn't taken that leap of faith or risk?
Here's mine: When I was 20, I broke up with my high-school boyfriend, whom I'd been dating since I was 16 and who was on the verge of proposing marriage to me. We went to look at engagement rings one weekend, and as we went from store to store, the rocks got bigger and bigger and my heart got heavier and heavier.
If I hadn't broken up with him, I'd still be living in my hometown in Pennsylvania. I'd have graduated from university and started working at our local newspaper. I'd have gotten married at 22, right out of uni, at the church where I grew up, with six bridesmaids. We'd have bought a house within 15 minutes of each of our sets of parents, and I'd have two or three kids by now, like all of my high school friends. I'd still be socialising with the same people I knew all my life. I'd get my hair cut at the local salon, the same one that did my updos for the prom. We'd rent a condo at the beach in New Jersey or Maryland every summer for two weeks. We'd go to Disney World every two or three years. I'd go to a yoga class taught by one of my high school classmates, whom I loathed. My kids would go to my mother's preschool. I'd be living the small-town American dream.
And I'd be completely miserable!
So come on, share. I want to hear your Sliding Doors story!
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Maya
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Posted: 02 August 2007 at 9:45pm |
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I have had so many sliding doors moments that my life could have taken any one of many directions.
If I'd stayed with the boyfriend I was with in high school I would have finished uni, trekked around Europe, come home, bought a house and got a job and probably be thinking about marriage and then kids in my early to mid 30's.
If I'd stayed with the boyfriend I had after that I'd probably have 6 kids by now, be still drinking, be on the DPB and be utterly miserable. Would never have finished uni.
And if I hadn't gotten unexpectedly pregnant with Maya, Willie and I would have split up (as we did when she was 3 months old) but would probably never have gotten back together as all along Maya was the glue that held us together, so no gremlins. I would have finished uni, finished the internship at the Herald that I started in my final semester of uni and probably then got a job there and worked my way up. And had the career but no kids and probably no life.
And of all those three scenarios there's not a single one I wish had happened or that I'd swap my current life for. There are things in my past that I'm not proud of, but they are the building blocks that led me to where I am today, and so I try not to have regrets.
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 Maya Grace (28/02/03)
 (02/01/06)
The Gremlins:Sienna Marie & Mercedes Kailah (14/10/06)
Lil miss:Chiara Louise Chloe (09/07/08)
Her ladyship:Rosalia Sophie Anais (18/06/12)
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MelanieAndBree
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Posted: 02 August 2007 at 10:36pm |
Umm.. only big one would have been if id have stayed with my ex and gotten an abortion like he wanted.
Id probably still with him, maybe working a crappy job i hated, and id be blaming him for what happend. We'd both be miserable (both for different reasons) but i would be too scared to break up with him cause i wouldnt want to be alone. Eventually we would break up and id probably go on a downward spiral and end up back where i was a year and a half ago. Quit my job, move to some sh*thole town with friends that arent going anywhere, drinking every weekend and taking drugs every day.
This is fun!
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Melanie.
Mum to Briahna Robyn, 3yrs
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fattartsrock
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Posted: 02 August 2007 at 11:16pm |
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ok, my sliding doors lives.
If I had shifted to Wellywood, like I was planning on when I met Rod, I would probably be still working in hospo (I was a chef when we met)living paycheck to paycheck, lousy man to lousy man, still selfish and unhappy, drinking and taking drugs, probably thinking I was having fun, but deep down knowing I needed to grow up. on the upside of that, I probably would be in a covers band, living out my rock and roll dreams as well.
If I hadn't got pregnant with Jacob, I think we would have split, to be honest, I was fairly self centred and selfish pre children (and still am to a certain extent) and Rod would have got sick of me, for sure. So would be still flatting, working full time at MHJ, "dating" and probaly FAT AS A HOUSE!! lol!!
OR, and this one is a biggy, and some might go BAD NAUGHTY girl, but its true, and I do think about it often and am glad things turned out they way they did.
If I hadn't had an abortion at 22, I would probably have gone back to invercargill, an outcast with all my friends (we had fallen out before I came up here on uni holidays, they were all married and babying etc and I was partying and being a selfish self centred butch) and had a baby to a man who I didn't really like much (a boy actually, he was only 19!!) who so didn't want to have a baby with anyone, let alone me, so I would have been a solo mum, probaly working part time at a dairy somewhere now, with my just turned 8 year old son (always thought of that baby as a boy), broke, sad, in a rut... maybe gone back to nursing studying? Life would be VERRRY different anyhow.
In my pretend sliding doors life, I would be living in wellywood, working as a PR person in the music industry, slogging it out in a covers band in my spare time.
I am happy with my lot. Turned out great.
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The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P
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nuttymama
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Posted: 03 August 2007 at 7:05am |
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Wow this makes you think. My sliding door, If I had stayed with Micheals father, we would have been doomed to stay in crappy flats with no money constantly wondering what scum was going to turn up that day to smoke drugs with him. Micheal would have been brought up in a home with drugs and slime bags and probably never would have had the opportunity to do much in life. Not to mention I was completely miserable.
The best thing I ever did was expectingly fall pregnant it gave me the courage to leave and start a new life, if I hadn't I never would have meet DH and had Jayden and Abby, a nice home a decent income and a loving family.
My life is exactly where I want it to be now.
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Abigail 06/01/2005
Jayden 21/11/2001
Micheal 03/04/1997
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meow
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Posted: 03 August 2007 at 8:07am |
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I guess mine would have been if I'd decided not to keep Ella.. I fell pregnant at 19. Once we saw her on the scan and started telling people, there was no way we could give her up. In my alternate life I might have become a graphic designer (was just finishing my diploma for the first few months of my pregnancy) and might have moved overseas to find a job, maybe Sydney.
I feel like I have achieved much more being a mum than I could have otherwise. I decided to learn how to sew - to make my little girl lots of clothes.. and succeded (sp??). I have learned many things about parenting, albeit a little earlier than some of my friends.. but I have always felt older than I am. I have some great support from family friends who if I'd left DP I probably wouldn't know about. The struggles we've been through have made us grow closer.. I prefer this life to one I might have had.
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Glow
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Posted: 03 August 2007 at 8:32am |
Great Question, love it.
There are so many things in my life that i aint proud of, but we live & learn & those things definitely make you who you are, things happen for a reason. (be damned if i know what the reason is tho)
I also slammed the door on an old boyfriend who was a biker gang member & treated me like a rag doll & physically, emotionally & mentally abused me. If i stayed with him i would of become a wrinkly drug f**ked, crack whore bikers b***h, who worked at a strip club or whore house & spent all my money on supporting the F**k heads P habit & probably my own. I would of frequented the women's refuge or such likes & had no babies as the couldn't survive harsh environments And probably spent some time on the inside looking out. Sad but true.
Well im glad i slid that door to the life of becoming a wastrel   
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Mummy of Two Boys
B: 2004
K: 2007
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MyMinis
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Posted: 03 August 2007 at 8:38am |
Um Id be qualified in my hairdressing and prob still living in queenstown completly miserable. And I wouldnt have my babies.
Im happy I met NAthan and had our woopsies 
Im happier now than I have been for yrs so Im glad I chose thise path
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Kellz
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Posted: 03 August 2007 at 8:43am |
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If I hadnt left school at 16, I would have done 7th form but failed. Worked a few years at Farmers (where I worked part-time at school). Enjoyed having some $$. Eventually gone to uni but hated having no $, so left. Eventually gone overseas like I always wanted, but not lasted long cos could only work in a bar cos had no qualifications. After that,... I hate to think!
If I had chosen to do interior design instead of nursing I would prob have more $, but never had met my best friend.
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Paws
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Posted: 03 August 2007 at 8:48am |
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I started to type out something completely different but then I realised that I don't thing much would have changed...even if I stayed with my ex we were still on our way out and I had already met B...heck we'd already had friends in common for ages and probably had a lot of moments where we were in the same place at the same time.
I suspect I'd still be where I am today in some way or another.
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Two Blondinis
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Posted: 03 August 2007 at 9:05am |
ohhh I like this!
If I hadn't made the huge decision to follow DH back to NZ (he was on his OE in London and I'd only known him for 18 months) I would probably be living in a dingy one bedroom council flat after the screw up of a BF did the dirty on me AGAIN and I'd still go back to him because that's what you did when you'd been together since you were 14 *rolls eyes at self*
Lucky for me I did decide to see what travelling was like and have experienced things I wouldn't even let myself daydream about!
Nearly 10 years later and life is great!
DH & I do have our ups and downs but I know he would never cheat on me and besides, if we weren't together than we wouldn't have our lil' Princess
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minik8e
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Posted: 03 August 2007 at 9:40am |
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Mine would be that if I had never gone out that night and met DF, I would now be married to a man old enough to be my father, possibly pregnant or with a baby already, no money worries, living in a house I designed/decorated, at Uni while he was a SAHD...and I'd be absolutely miserable.
Or the other one would be if I'd never met a particular ex, I'd still be wandering from house to house, staying where I could, drinking a bottle of bourbon a day, doing any drugs I could find, on the dole, maybe with 3-4 kids by now, all to different dads, and no stability.
I've done some doozy things in my life, but at the end of the day, I wouldn't change them because they've made me who I am today, and I'm happy with that.
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Bizzy
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Posted: 03 August 2007 at 10:35am |
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if i had stayed with my ex of many years who i went thru a lot with we would have had a kid or two...but eventually i would have left him cause his schemes never worked out and i would have wanted a better life than drugs and booze for me and the kids... i would have done some training perhaps and got a good job...by now the kids would be older and possibly independent, i would be living in a nice house, not this pokey little hole, earning a really good wage, and not married to an idiot, and be happy and independent. i certainly wouldnt be having kids at my age - my best friend from school has just become a grandmother and i am going to have a baby myself - i would have a nicer house and grown up kids and not have to deal with 2 and 3 yr old tantrums. i would either be contemplating overseas travel now or just done some and no budget would be required. oh and i would have a cleaner and no weetbix on the floor.
Hmmm, so my life would be better. that sucks!!!!
now wheres the button to rewind?
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caliandjack
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Posted: 03 August 2007 at 10:38am |
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I think for me the life changing moment is going on my OE by myself to UK for 2 years. It totally changed my life, and I am a different person because of that experience.
Fattartsrock - thats scary - i terminated 8 years ago (always thought it was a boy) and while i never regretted the decision - I have wondered how my life would have turned out.
Instead I travelled more, came home met DF and have now lived in Wellington, Bulls and settled in Feilding. Which is a big change for a born and bred Aucklander.
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nikkitheknitter
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Posted: 03 August 2007 at 10:45am |
If I had decided to go to Christchurch and have the termination when I was pregnant with Hannah then I probably would have stayed in Dunedin to finish my degree and then done honours but not done as well as I am now as I would have still been working at the Cook. I would have had a few other relationships based on sex but nothing more. I would be drinking, drugging and partying. Might have saved enough money to do my OE.
Prefer now 
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fattartsrock
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Posted: 03 August 2007 at 2:10pm |
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I've never regretted it, the termination, I was not fit to be a mother then.
I could rewind even further and think If I had never come up here, I wouldn't have had the courage to have the termination and wouild never seen how good life could be, would never had met the friends I did that made me decide to stay here
Wow, lots of us have been down that booze/drug/loser relationships or sex only means more to me thatn him type of scenario thing, aye?
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The Honest Un PC Parent of 2, usually stuck in the naughty corner! :P
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MelanieAndBree
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Posted: 03 August 2007 at 3:38pm |
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Oh i have a good one!
If id never moved from Auckland to live with my sister in Tauranga.
Id still be in Auckland, probably have no job and still smoking weed every day and doing P most likely.
lol.
Or if id never got together with my ex. Stayed in Tauranga, kept my job or moved onto something better eventually. Id be out partying most weekends and probably eventually have met someone else.
I sometimes wish i did stay in Tauranga.
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Melanie.
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BSDH
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Posted: 03 August 2007 at 3:50pm |
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Gee I don't think what if or what could have been the doors that opened for me opened for a reason...I love the life I have with my family and wouldn't change anything or wish I could
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*Act your shoe size once in a while!!!*
I love my wee girl - Gabriella
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mummy_becks
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Posted: 03 August 2007 at 5:01pm |
I think my big one is losing my job. If I hadn't of then I would of continued the drinking and smoking and general wasting of money that I did would of done. As I did lose my job (and I still think it is the best thing that ever happened to me) I was able to meet DH as I went flatting (with him we were flatmates first) and started studying and now I am really happy with how things turned out.
However I always wonder what would of happened if I had of taken off on that plane over to Oz when I was 19.
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I was a puree feeder, forward facing, cot sleeping, pram pushing kind of Mum... and my kids survived!
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.Mel
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Posted: 03 August 2007 at 6:35pm |
This is going to sound terrible, and I'm sorry if I upset anyone...
If I hadn't fought back one day, and told my partner that I wasn't going to take his abuse anymore, and that I was leaving him, I would probably still be with him, making excuses for the bruises, walking on eggshells, protecting Conor 24 hrs a day. As a result of me walking away, he committed suicide and said in his note that he was finally freeing me and Conor from him and that it was the only way he could do it was to leave this place. I put up with that abuse for 4 years, and it did free us.
After he did that, we lived with mum and dad for 18months, and if I hadn't of taken that job at the recruitment agency I would never have met my husband. 8 years on, we are married with two children and another one on the way, and I have never felt as safe as I do now.
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Your alternate life...
