Feeling Blue Today...

Hi - don't know where to start.  Guess I just wanted to share in a supportive environment how I am feeling.   Just a collection of rambling thoughts I guess.

I wasn't prepared for the changes that having a baby would make in my life - as much as I tried to prepare for them.  During my pregnancy I felt that serenity that some people describe. 

After Brooke arrived, I lost a lost of sleep - especially for the first five weeks - hit rock bottom at that point after trying to do it all.  I'm not good at handling stress, and I felt a huge amount of anxiety - heart racing, that sort of thing.  Brooke really is a very good baby, but I still find it all such hard work.  Saw a mental health worker a couple of months ago and she diagnosed anxiety.  I have to be careful with obtaining care, as a family member works in mental health. 

What I've also not been prepared for - and this is my main problem - is the amount of isolation I am feeling at the moment.  I used to work full-time (will return 15 hrs a week in Jan) and therefore used to have intelligent adult conversations all day and lots of fun that goes with a big workplace.  It seems once you go on maternity leave you are slowly forgotten about.  I've also given up my sport this year (after CS) but intend on returning in Feb.

We've just built a house, and I've spent most of my maternity leave with people coming and going from the site, having my Dad there everyday etc.  Now it is quiet.    I've also concentrated so hard on baby things and new house things that in a way I've forgotten to maintain contact with the outside world!

My friends - well my two main ones here - are single, so the more I move on with married and family life, the less I have in common with them.  One friend was married and we had great times going out as couples.  But she ended her marriage, lent heavily on me for support (when I was pregnant), and is now off chasing whatever man happens to be her flavour of the month.  All she wants to do when she sees me is tell me how she met *insert whichever guy's name*, show me the photos, and she forgets to even ask after Brooke.  Grr!

Hubby says join another coffee group etc to meet more people.  I already go to 2-3 baby related activities a week and I don't want to go to yet another outing where everything revolves around babies, because I already do enough things to do with babies.  Is that wrong? 

I know my problems aren't the biggest in the world, but yeah, I feel blue.  In some ways I can't wait to get back to work - back to the real world.  And then I feel that 'torn' feeling that mothers get.  At least writing this has been theraputic and helps put things in perspective.  Would be really interested in hearing your shared experiences - hearing if there are other people out there feeling the same way. 

Hi Kel - somehow I knew you'd be along - you must have eagle eyes LMAO!

Pity no gym with a creche here - used to be a gym freak before Brooke was conceived and I was sooo fit!   Still I try to get the pram out - but the lonely gravel roads around our house don't really do it for me.  That's when I miss suburbia with lots of neighbours to keep up with. 

Kel - badminton is my sport.  Hadn't thought of coaching it.  I'm not a very good player... just bumble along haha : )  Is a good sport - you meet all sorts - lots of variety of people. 

Unfortunately most of my new interests (poultry, beekeeping, small block farming) seem to be frequented by old men. 

Hi Kel - thanks for caring. 

I did already see a naturopath a couple of months ago, but not sure she hit the nail on the head.  Might choose a different one.  Those Nutricalm tablets sound like they are worth a try.  Already hitting the Rescue Remedy hard, and think it is helping.  Feeling very low physically, after this stupid virus, but hoping I will feel better emotionally once I get a bit of energy back.

Hi - thanks guys for your hugs and caring. 

Still not over this stupid virus .  I feel dizzy and nauseas all the time and doc says inner ear complaint.  Really over it.  On the positive side, my Mum has really stepped up to the mark, taking time off work and taking Brooke whenever she can.  I've hardly had Brooke all week, which has meant being able to sleep and try to recover. 

Yes looking forward to getting back to work - will only be 15 hrs a week - wanted some 'balance' - not working too many hours. 

My coffee group isn't really that great I'm afraid.  eg Just before I was due to go to antenatal Xmas lunch, I found out my cat had died, and I was too upset to go.  Txted them and all I got back was "OK.  Talk later".  No "sorry to hear that" or anything.  At least one of them knows how unwell I've been and that I can't drive.  Not sure if she's passed it on to the rest of the group - but no one's been in contact.     Given up on them.

Oh well things must get better - hopefully before Xmas - really looking forward to Brooke's first Xmas and our first Xmas in our new house.